Postpartum Plans
Sooooo this is kinda long… sorry in advance.
this is my 3rd baby and we’ve recently had my MIL come stay with us to watch the kids and save on daycare. My other kids are just about 4 & 2.5 years old. She agreed to come out from another state to live with us to watch the kids and our “contract” is for 2 years. We found our baby #3 was in the way after the plans were made about a year ago. Baby is due in October. She still has a house and family in her state and has been asking if I plan to be home on maternity the entire 3 months and asking if I can handle the kids by myself if she stays gone longer than her week cruise in December. I said yes, I can manage my kids but I also talked to her about needing extra space after giving birth. With my 1st I had PPA really bad that quickly turned into PPD after losing my mom 4 days after birth. With my second I just have really bad PPD and family over telling me what to do and constantly telling me what was “wrong” with my newborn make everything worse. This time around I want to embrace postpartum and go into it positively. So I asked if she can start her vacation early and allow me to be in my house and in my element alone to recover and spend quality time with all my kids. I’m not used to speaking up, kind of a doormat and after therapy sessions I’ve found my voice to speak up and make sure I’m thinking about my mental health as a priority over someone else’s feelings. She didn’t take it well. My husband said she can stay 1 month after birth (pushing it when all I want to do is be comfortable breastfeeding and recovering) and she tried to push for longer. I said no. Now everyday she says “I’m not allowed to be here, she doesn’t want me here” to my husband when they talk about watching upcoming sports or whatever. And she continues to make digs says I don’t want her here and I’m kicking her out and talking in Spanish on the phone to her mom about my want to be alone postpartum. I understand Spanish though I don’t speak it with her. So it’s kind of irritating that she’s making this whole thing about her when I’m trying to make sure I make it out of postpartum alive mentally. Mind you, she’ll be returning in January when I have to go back to work. Am I wrong for being pissed that she’s trying to make me out to be the bad guy? Also, she told me the only reason she agreed to help watch the kids was NOT for the kids. She was worried her son(my husband) was not taking care of himself and she came for HIM. So again, am I wrong asking to be alone my 3 months postpartum?
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I’d be livid. You are not wrong. She needs to understand boundaries and respect you and your husband. Postpartum is a vulnerable time and has nothing to do with her.
Same thing happened with us, I’m so thankful she’s too old to actually help. She said so much about what I was doing wrong and basically it’s my fault there’s everything wrong with the baby. It got to the point where I seriously asked my husband if he was ok with us getting a divorce because of his mother. I cried sooo much and she didn’t want to follow any of my boundaries. He eventually had a talk with her but omg. Mother in laws love to push buttons and play the victim.
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