In laws & their entitlement?
I need a bit of a rant and to know if I’m wrong or right here. I had my baby 5 weeks ago, via c section. Long story short, my in laws think their entitled to visit my baby or have visits when convenient to them because they’re family. my FIL shown up to the hospital 1 hour after my baby was born (I JUST got back from recovery) I did not expect this nor confirm this with my partner (luckily my mum arrived first), we left hospital the next day, then the next morning other in laws shown up (auntie, ggma, godmother etc) This continued for 2/3 weeks. My side of the family m gave us the space we needed, but when they did come, always offered to do something, or just did it. My sister dropped off 4 days worth of cooked food without expecting to see baby, my mum did all the laundry and hoovered the house. The in laws expect tea/coffee and only came to see the baby. Always asking how dad is first, how my baby looks like dad and what a great job he’s done.
My FIL shown up at the house unannounced daily for 2 weeks. At one point he shown up while HV was there and stayed? It did get to a point where I asked them to stop and cancelled all visits, this did not stop FIL as in his words ‘I’m grandad’. He still continues to do this. I had visits of them today where they said they expect a visit or to come see the baby at least once a week. These are all separate family members (as in broken family), FIL will likely still show up when he pleases. But I surely cannot be expected to commit to once weekly visits for every family member and find the time to see my own? My dad is sick so can only see the baby when I take him, he’s only seen him twice. My partner is already back in work so we will only have family time on weekends and evenings but trying to fit everything else in like general life things and routine for baby just seems impossible, or am I wrong? My baby is first is their family so I understand they’re excited but I’m overwhelmed.
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You and your partner say when people can come over and visit at the end of the day hunny you’ve just had major surgery I know how you feel because I had a c section 4weeks ago and you can’t be expected to cater for people, and they most definitely should ask if they can come over and not just show up , whether it’s your first baby or your 5th it doesn’t matter they are just being to much by the sounds of it and something needs to be said by your partner as it’s his side of the family that is causing most of the issue and not respecting giving you time and space
Tricky one. Part of me would say set your boundaries and put you and your baby first and foremost.
This is likely to cause friction among family so perhaps another way would be whenever anyone turns up have a job ready for them. Ie: oh great now you’re here can you hang that washing out/do that washing up/hoover as I’m stuck feeding the baby.
Or take the tact of oh great, yeah you can take the baby while I have a shower/wash my hair etc.
If they turn up unannounced another approach could be oh I didn’t realise you were coming by, we’re off to baby class now but how about you come round at X time.
You are completely in the right! Stand your ground, this is your baby, your family, YOUR HOME. You are not a zoo or attraction that people can come to as they please. Set some boundaries, it’s ok!
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I need a bit of a rant and to know if I’m wrong or right here. I had my baby 5 weeks ago, via c section. Long story short, my in laws think their entitled to visit my baby or have visits when convenient to them because they’re family. my FIL shown up to the hospital 1 hour after my baby was born (I JUST got back from recovery) I did not expect this nor confirm this with my partner (luckily my mum arrived first), we left hospital the next day, then the next morning other in laws shown up (auntie, ggma, godmother etc) This continued for 2/3 weeks. My side of the family m gave us the space we needed, but when they did come, always offered to do something, or just did it. My sister dropped off 4 days worth of cooked food without expecting to see baby, my mum did all the laundry and hoovered the house. The in laws expect tea/coffee and only came to see the baby. Always asking how dad is first, how my baby looks like dad and what a great job he’s done.
My FIL shown up at the house unannounced daily for 2 weeks. At one point he shown up while HV was there and stayed? It did get to a point where I asked them to stop and cancelled all visits, this did not stop FIL as in his words ‘I’m grandad’. He still continues to do this. I had visits of them today where they said they expect a visit or to come see the baby at least once a week. These are all separate family members (as in broken family), FIL will likely still show up when he pleases. But I surely cannot be expected to commit to once weekly visits for every family member and find the time to see my own? My dad is sick so can only see the baby when I take him, he’s only seen him twice. My partner is already back in work so we will only have family time on weekends and evenings but trying to fit everything else in like general life things and routine for baby just seems impossible, or am I wrong? My baby is first is their family so I understand they’re excited but I’m overwhelmed.
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