partners that work 9-5 shouldn’t have to help out with baby at night

My husband works days, and was off for 3 weeks paid leave for our little one and not once helped out during day and night feedings. Now I’m back to working full time and she is 7 weeks old and still doesn’t assist with feeds and diaper changes. He doesn’t even barely spend time with her

Well I'm exclusively breastfeeding so he cant help with feedings lol. But he has with our other two kids and always helps when I need it. I don't wake him up at night because he needs to sleep so he can work. My job is staying home tending to the children. I get my breaks when he gets home.

Hubby deals with toddler and i have baby since he cant breastfeed this goes for night put downs and wake ups too, so he dose the night and morning routine with toddler and i with baby but before baby came along i did it all on my own.. I had to put footdown when I had my 2nd

My partner works mon-fri 7am-2pm and does a 7:30pm bottle but doesn't help at night(ebf other than that 1 bottle of ebm)but I also know if i was desperate he'd wake up to help

My other half works shifts 4 on 4 off 12 hours 2 days 2 nights at first with oldest he couldn’t help as I was bf but when we had to switch to formula he’d go hear the bottle while I kept little one calm and when he got home from his night shifts he’d batch make the days bottles for me with our second he can’t help as I am able to bf but he’s with our toddler a lot

Men really think they can get away with this. Nah man. My husband can choose when he works with Amazon Flex, DoorDash, etc. He’ll do like 3 days of the week at like 3-4 hour delivery for Flex and then DoorDash and instacart the rest of the time. That means when he’s doing dd deliveries in our town he’s home until he gets an order. You better believe I’m leaving the kids with him so I can get chores done and shower. I shouldn’t have to stop doing the laundry to change a diaper when you’re sitting right there playing video games until you get an order. I still handle all the meals, all the diapers unless I make him do it and I exclusively nurse my 7 month old. But when he’s home I expect him to assist me and he’s got chores a couple days a week when he isn’t doing Flex

Best believe my daughter is on his lap or crawling around him while my almost 2 year old is running around bugging him for every little thing. Don’t chase me, chase your papa!

My husband works 12 hour shifts every 4 days. When he’s working, he comes home and helps with the night routine and I do night shift. When he’s off, he does 2 night shifts and I do the other as he also needs to rest. And the days he doesn’t do the night shifts, he tends to my toddler in the morning - breakfast etc - and vice versa

We formula feed and I spend 24/7 with her whilst my boyfriend only sees her for 2/3 hours a day so he takes care of the night routine (bath, bottle etc) because she’s not reliant on me to feed her. She sleeps through the night and only wakes up at 5/6am and he makes her bottle then gives it to me and changes her nappy and then I feed her and he gets ready for work. I’m very lucky he is so hands on :)

I think they should help out. My husband has two jobs, he works in care with a teenager with complex needs. Finishes work at 1am and then does cabbing for a few hrs. When he comes home, he does the night feed and the nappy change. I never ask him to do any of it, I know he works very hard, but he says they are his kids two.

Meaning the one staying with the baby during the day isn’t working??

Sorry, no. Parents need to set up the arrangement that works for them, but both parents should be collaborating overnight to set both parents up for success during the day.

Personally, we did alternating wake ups - I pumped and fed during mine, my partner fed the bottle I pumped and changed diapers during hers 🤷🏼‍♀️

Thanks for all the input ladies!!
For reference im asking because my partner has only done 2 night feeds and my baby is nearly 4 months old.

Ive brought it up that sometimes if he would even do the first feed usually around 12 i could get a good few hours stretch of sleep but im always hit with ‘i have work’.

He doesnt work weekends so you would think this task wouldnt be hard given i never wake him up in the morning but hes ‘too tired from work’

I love him with all my heart but im starting to feel resentment and disappointment in him at how unsupportive hes been throughout this phase of our sons life.

I do think he struggles with him as he cant soothe him as fast as i can but i really think this also comes from lack of contact with him.

What should i do? When talking doesnt seem to be helping. I really dont want for our relationship to come to an end but i do think its going to come to big argument soon.

I also ask because his mum stayed home with the kids when his dad was out working. And i love her to bits but she is big time OCD and wouldnt have let her husband do most things because ‘he wouldnt do it right anyway’ so he automatically thinks that the care has to come from me. But i am not her and i want and need his support

Have 2 kids. 3yo and 3mo.
When we just had one, I always got up, even if I had work the next day. Cause I worked 18 hours a week and he works 42.
Now, I have the baby, if our toddler wakes in the night he goes to her and sleeps with her. It works for us, we both still sleep.. but I absolutely didn’t mind being the only one that got up before we had our second

If a baby is ebf then probably not, I imagine he wouldn't be help so maybe best to let him sleep and then he should pick up more during his days off and evenings so mom can rest. But if baby takes some bottles he should definitely help on nights he doesn't work in the morning if not more often

I always take care of the bab(ies) at night. It just makes sense. I wake up easier, I have to feed her from my own chest- might as well let him sleep so one of us can be coherent during the day for the other kids. He takes them in the morning to play and hang out with them while I sleep until baby is hungry again🩷

It it was a situation where my husband was some kind of blue collar worker where he was doing dangerous stuff and might be at risk if he was tired I would make sure he got decent sleep so it didnt become a safety issue. My husband usually does as much as he possibly can while hes on paternity leave so I can rest and recover as much as possible, even after he goes back to work we split nighttime pretty 50/50 because my husband has a job where nobody will get hurt if hes tired and I have to be rested enough to homeschool our very very high energy kids and he values me being able to do that well.

My husband works 7am-4pm every week day as well as 10:30am-7pm on Saturday’s and 12pm-7pm on Sunday’s. He still gets up at 1-3 am to feed the baby solo(we exclusively bottle feed expressed breastmilk). Before he went back to work he would offer every bottle while I pumped and I would soothe back to sleep. Even if he isn’t doing baby things he’ll make my dinner, do other house chores, take care of the dog, etc. Yes work can be tiring but so if taking care of a baby all day and one’s family obligations/responsibilities must come first before leisure or hobbies

I exclusively breastfed and he still did night feeds🤣 he’d put baby on my boob then stay up to watch me so I didn’t have to worry about falling asleep, then unlatch him and put him back in his crib when he was done

I’d let him sleep more if he had a heavy manual labour job, or needed to be extremely alert for safety reasons, but he doesn’t. I am also looking after a baby for a lot more than 9-5, where I’m on alert at all times. He gets to switch off from that side of things when he’s in work