Toxic in laws? Am i wrong?
Hey everyone, I need some advice regarding toxic families (in laws) . My sister in law and fiance fell out five years ago when he was still living at home, I was in the house at the time of the argument and had to intervene because my fiance got incredibly mad and hit the door instead if his sister. I had to intervene and calm him down which resulted in him moving out and I was living together and him and his sister not speaking until last year, which was when our baby was due. In those four years he attempted to make amends brought her birthday cards gave her money. And she did not make any effort back. His mum would constantly tell him he needs to make more effort which Would upset him, I supported him through all of this. I’d also like to add when I first met my partner he wasn’t speaking to a sister then either and it seems to be a toxic family pattern where they fall out and don’t apologise.
When we found out, I was pregnant his sister did not bother to congratulate me or congratulated me when we got engaged or when we brought our first house.
However, fast forward to when our daughter was born, she thought it was okay to turn up at the hospital with her mum after not even a single message from her. I would just like you to keep in mind my daughter was rushed from my bedside into the NICU and the same day she was coming off her tube feeds and I was trying to breastfeed for the first time. I had made it very clear. I didn’t want any visitors. I was also very unwell with sepsis requiring IV antibiotics.
Fast forward five months later my partner has secretly handed our daughter to her sister to hold while I was in the house and I had made it very clear to him. I didn’t want that to happen. Because for all that time she still did not message me saying congratulations. So I said something which was I didn’t want you to hold her. She then called me a name while holding my baby. It’s completely fractured my relationship with the in-laws, however I’m adamant I haven’t done anything wrong. After someone that builds their social media profile on girlhood to not even congratulate your sister-in-law. I think it’s completely two-faced. I’m just wondering what people were doing that situation was I out of line as I’ve been made to feel like I’m the one in the wrong?
The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.
Learn more about our guidelines.
I have been so worried as I have the exact same problem with my baby dads side of the family as soon as we told our parents she asked him to leave the room and done this multiple times to speak in “private” I got no message from her or any congratulation. 3 days later he walked into our home and gave me the option of I kept the baby he wanted no part of it. I left the same night and never looked back. I have made it clear to each and every single one of that family they will receive no updates, pictures or be able to think can walk into her life and be there.
Honestly as the mother of your child you have a right of who sees or holds your baby and you need to stick to it no matter how upset they get they made there choice and you are the mother.
If they can’t respect you and your boundaries why should they be able to come and see or hold your daughter.
She should have messaged and been more considerate. But to protect your peace. I'd move on x
Sounds like the sister in law is stubborn, but also sounds like your husband would like to, and has been trying to make amends. For his sake I would let bygones be bygones and hope their relationship can heal
Trending
in our community
Childminder vs Nursery
My little boy will be turning 1 in November, and I’m currently trying to decide between sending him to a nursery or a childminder. We’ve been offered a place at both, so I’d love to hear other people’s experiences!
The childminder could take him from January for 4 days a week, and she also has two assistants working with her. The main downside is that she takes 6 weeks of annual leave each year, which would mean having to plan all my annual leave around when she’s off.
The nursery wouldn’t be able to take him until mid-April, and they could only offer 3 days a week. However, they’re only closed for 2 weeks over Christmas.
I did get a better feeling from the nursery in terms of the facilities. It felt more modern, and they had a dedicated sleep room with floor beds for naps, which I really liked.
I’m only returning to work 3 days a week, but choosing the nursery would mean taking 3 weeks of unpaid leave while waiting for his place to start.
I’d really appreciate hearing from anyone who’s been in a similar situation. Did you choose a nursery or a childminder, and were you happy with your decision? Are there any pros or cons I might not have considered? 😊
1
10
Pre school Mean girls
Has anyone ever experienced little kids non-school age at playgroups that are little “mean girls”? Was at a play group this week and a group of three girls no older than 3/4 were going round purposely upsetting other kids, my lg (2.5) was playing in the big Wendyhouse and they went storming into it and started pulling at her and shouting at her that she had to leave because it was only theirs and she wasn’t allowed in so naturally I went and sat inside it next to her, asked them if they were being kind and doing good sharing and made sure that my lg knew that she didn’t have to move because she was getting lip wobbly. when they got bored they moved onto a little girl that was riding a little car and they kept kicking the doors as she was moving it and she was going “Please stop” and they just kept doing it more so I just went and stood in front of them and said “we don’t kick cars girls” but their parents were just sat chatting not getting involved and I didn’t go over. There had been a couple kids before that they’d decided to pick on too
What do you do in those situations? I don’t want to parent other peoples kids and overstep a boundary… Is it a developmental thing that toddlers suddenly group up and become mean? because I’d be so upset if my lo was doing that to other children
Obviously don’t want to wrap my daughter up in cotton wool either as I know school can have some hard moments and I won’t always be there to protect her. But what is the right thing to do?
2
6
Am I over reacting
Today is my baby shower, one of my friends has let me down due to having no baby sitter however she has been out drinking all night so surely who ever had her child could keep him for a couple more hours ? Maybe I’m thinking selfishly but I just feel like it’s an excuse.
Then my mum and sister have been out drinking last night and are now hungover , my sister is asking if she can just stay at home instead.
I feel really upset about this but feel like I’m just being selfish because obviously they have there own lives and they can do as they please
How would you feel ?
5
Weaning at 5 months
I have started weaning at 5 months. It’s only been a few days and I’ve just given a small amount of baby rice mixed with breast milk once a day. Any advice on what else I can give before 6 months? And how should I start increasing it? Should I start with a larger portion or go to 2 portions on week 2?
4
Schools for incredibly intelligent kid
Hi! My almost 3 year old is a genius. I am not biased lol, her teachers tell me she is incredibly smart and fear they are not going to be able to help her progress as she should. Now my husband is a genius so I’m not surprised with how smart she is, but I am an average person lol and I’m wondering if there are other moms in this situation.
Firstly I’m looking for preschools in Marin/Sonoma county that are more equipped for smarter children. Her current teachers have her doing kindergarten curriculum.
Also any moms that have experience raising incredibly intelligent kids, and any advice on how you kept up with them?
1
3
Toxic in laws? Am i wrong?
Hey everyone, I need some advice regarding toxic families (in laws) . My sister in law and fiance fell out five years ago when he was still living at home, I was in the house at the time of the argument and had to intervene because my fiance got incredibly mad and hit the door instead if his sister. I had to intervene and calm him down which resulted in him moving out and I was living together and him and his sister not speaking until last year, which was when our baby was due. In those four years he attempted to make amends brought her birthday cards gave her money. And she did not make any effort back. His mum would constantly tell him he needs to make more effort which Would upset him, I supported him through all of this. I’d also like to add when I first met my partner he wasn’t speaking to a sister then either and it seems to be a toxic family pattern where they fall out and don’t apologise.
When we found out, I was pregnant his sister did not bother to congratulate me or congratulated me when we got engaged or when we brought our first house.
However, fast forward to when our daughter was born, she thought it was okay to turn up at the hospital with her mum after not even a single message from her. I would just like you to keep in mind my daughter was rushed from my bedside into the NICU and the same day she was coming off her tube feeds and I was trying to breastfeed for the first time. I had made it very clear. I didn’t want any visitors. I was also very unwell with sepsis requiring IV antibiotics.
Fast forward five months later my partner has secretly handed our daughter to her sister to hold while I was in the house and I had made it very clear to him. I didn’t want that to happen. Because for all that time she still did not message me saying congratulations. So I said something which was I didn’t want you to hold her. She then called me a name while holding my baby. It’s completely fractured my relationship with the in-laws, however I’m adamant I haven’t done anything wrong. After someone that builds their social media profile on girlhood to not even congratulate your sister-in-law. I think it’s completely two-faced. I’m just wondering what people were doing that situation was I out of line as I’ve been made to feel like I’m the one in the wrong?
3
Download the Peanut App
