Is it an older generation thing?

My mother who is 61 believes babies and toddlers should be PERFECT. She put me down so much with my first that I blamed myself for her not sleeping etc this time around with my second i understand it is biologically normal for babies to wake up during the night! I can take the comments this time however I cannot take her putting my toddler down. She gets extremely offended if my toddler does not say bye to her. My toddler is a pretty well behaved toddler but like all has her moments and if she is pushed she will push back and refuse even more to do something. Every time she refuses to say bye to her she says she will not return to see her again etc I’ve repeatedly explained just say bye to her and not make a drama bcos if you force her she will definitely not say it. I don’t want her to grow up a people pleaser like me and tonight I’d had enough she keeps saying wow just wait til she is a teenager her behaviour will be horrific etc my toddler takes in EVERYTHING she is told and all of this is said in front of her. It got into an argument when I spoke up and the usual came out of what has happened to this generation blah blah. Does anyone else’s parents behave like this? I have found that even older people accept that babies don’t sleep and motherhood is hard

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That's rough, I'm sorry to hear that your mom is acting like a disgruntled toddler not getting a goodbye & having a fit about it. My mom is about the same age as yours but when it comes to my baby she's very understanding/nurturing. Don't get me wrong she throws tantrums when she doesn't get her way or we don't agree but not when it comes to my baby or my parenting. I just wanted you to know you're not alone in dealing with a difficult mom. Keep standing up for your child/yourself & make boundaries. It's not easy (still struggling with that myself 😆) but it does help

I don’t know. I just don’t let any comments get to me. I know my kid, I know I’m a good mom, I know my kid is thriving. Nothing else matters. I just sorta shrug it off. They can say whatever. Doesn’t bother me. Because I know what is true. They don’t. They don’t know my son. Sure that may be true for them and their kids, great. But that’s not how we do things now. Times change but their lived experiences don’t. So I just forget about it and move on. We all relate to someone with our past/experiences, I think it comes from a good place in all honesty. They are trying to connect in a sense. But it just doesn’t land right. Having said that, both sets of grandparents are not really present in my son’s life. And I would honestly give anything for them to even care to see him or pick up the phone and ask about him. So if it meant having grandparents in his life, I’d gladly turn a blind eye to a few comments. They won’t be around forever / my son probably won’t remember them.

My mom is 70 and was very surprised that my newborn wasn't eating 8oz at 10am, 2pm and 6pm. I guess things were different in the 80s?

Sounds like a grandma that’s going to be upset when they don’t get a kiss too. It’s important for our kids to know they have a choice. They do not HAVE to say goodbye, kiss, hug, or any of the things if they don’t want to. You’re doing the right thing just keep at it. Don’t let your mom sway you any other way. Things change all the time. My mom is extremely excepting and understanding of all the things but I do have to explain to her that yeah babies may have done XYZ back in whatever days but also SID rates were higher and whatever else. We all learn and grow. Times change and we understand more. If she can’t get with your advice and decisions on things she shouldn’t be in a position to make any of these decisions.

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