Stepmom help!!
My 3year old step daughter has always called me mom since she was a year old. (Her bio mom has 40% we have 60%) in the beginning her mom was in a toxic abusive relationship, on drgs, partying every night like a teenager. There’s a lot to unpack. She eventually got very traumatized by a lot of things so I’m all she’s had to comfort her. She’s always known my name but just chose to call me mom. Recently her bio mom has been very petty towards dad. Didn’t allow him to see her on her 1 day of the week through FaceTime on his birthday, didn’t allow her to show up to her brothers 1st birthday party on her weekend, told her to bite baby brother (step child’s words not ours) told her to hit me, call me by my name or she will hurt her(again her words) she’s 3 and very easily manipulated. I became very worried when she repeatedly bit and hit her new baby brother and pushed me down the stairs after putting a wall of toys on the staircase… when she returns from her biomom she says “mommy said don’t talk to me, mommy said you look like a man, I don’t have to listen to you” that or just blankly stares at me while I’m asking how her day was.. it breaks my heart that our connection went from being SO AMAZING to so distant and cold. I haven’t told her anything I just decided to step back and leave her be because I’m so hurt and scared she’s gonna hurt baby brother or me more than what’s been done… what do I do? Talking to bio mom is out of the question she tried to fight me for asking why. She’s very immature and unreasonable.
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How is she acting with dad?
I think dad needs to talk with her. Biomom might be saying nasty things to her but it seems like she needs reassurance that you still love her. There is a new baby and she is jealous and biomom is reinforcing the jealousy. I think you should give the baby to dad and spend some one on one time. Even if she acts bad you still make it clear you love her but her behavior is unacceptable. Documenting and court might be an option.
What about her dad. Her dad should inform her then that her mom is being mean to you. Her dad also needs to tell her bio mom to stop telling thier child to be mean to you.
Aww, that’s so sad. Three years old is still so little. 🥺 If possible, try to get some legal advice and explore whether fighting for full custody might be an option. ❤️
If I were you, I'd just try to focus on what I could control, because I think that would help the most over time. If you can't have a civil conversation with bio mom, that's something you can't control. If I were in your shoes, I would ask my husband to talk to SD, and show her how much he loves me, so that she knows I'm still an important part of his life, regardless of what is being said or happening in the other house, and keep documenting just in case, but trying not to dwell on those issues.
She’s so little and this must be such a difficult situation for her. Might therapy be sth you could provide for her? And on your part: Be there for her. Show her you love her even when she is acting very conflicted towards you. (And of course keep the baby safe, three year olds can’t really regulate their feelings just yet). She’s a little kid and the victim of the situation her mom is creating. All the best for you and your family
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