At a loss

I am 13 weeks pp and prior to having my baby my husband and I were having issues. But having a baby has heightened those issues to like 1000%. Since I have known him he wants to spend like almost 100% of his free time gaming or watching sports which cool not a big deal when there wasn’t another human to care for. Now we have our son and he still acts like this. Since my son has been born I have been unable to shower but like 2-3 times a week. And generally speaking haven’t been able to do anything for me which you know having a baby fine you aren’t the primary focus anymore.

But my issue is he complains he doesn’t get time for him and yet my ppd is getting bad. Like so bad I genuinely don’t want to spend time with people anymore and like my entire existence is stuck in this survival mode. I have tried expressing this to him and it doesn’t seem to click how bad I am. I started seeing a therapist around 5w pp because initially i was dealing with issues with identity and just feeling like a person. And even she has noticed a shift in the last few weeks. I didn’t even notice really notice how bad I had gotten until she asked me this last session how are you really….i just broke. I cried. Because I’m just not okay.
I’m not okay because everyone who was my friend ditched me or lives too far away, I’m not okay because talking to my husband doesn’t help, I’m not okay because somewhere along the lines I lost me. What is terrible is now I don’t even want to be around people. I don’t want to talk I don’t want to open up. I just want to be left alone. I guess I’m posting this because I need to know I’m not alone in this. Having a husband who is oblivious to what you are going through and having no one to talk to on a day to day basis.

My last attempt to get some
Normalcy was last weekend when we went to one of my friends kids birthday party. The whole time my husband was talking. With one of her friends husbands and didn’t allow me any time to catch up with my friend and the whole ride up there (30 mins) my baby cried and screamed while I drove. What was supposed to be time out of the house for me to catch up and chat a little with my friend ended up being torture because now I had to care for my baby the way I always do just out of the house and away from the comfort of my own home. And now I’m just done caring about trying because why care when this happens every time

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I want to start by saying I'm so sorry your husband is acting this way. You are not overreacting. In some ways I can relate. My husband plays video games quite a bit when he's home and doesn't always understand how I'm feeling since we had our daughter about 9 weeks ago..but he at least makes an effort to understand and be as involved as he can when our daughter is awake or when I'm too exhausted to cook and clean. He acts like an adult should and does what my daughter and I need when we need it.

What your husband is doing is not acceptable and is actively contributing to your PPD. He has essentially made you a married single mother. He is actively complaining about not having time for himself while preventing you from being able to care for yourself, and self-care is a MASSIVE part of caring for your son. Clearly you love your baby or you wouldn't be going to therapy and trying to get better.

You need to be more selfish with your time. Drop the baby on his lap and leave the house. Don't be too worried about your baby. You didn't know anything about babies until you had to learn. And he'll also learn.

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