How do you know it’s over
I’ve been with my husband 4 years married 2. Over the last year our relationship has changed massively. We’ve gone from being like best friends, laughing, joking and cuddling. We always managed to live easily together and nothing felt like a chore. Now we argue constantly and when we don’t we just get on with our days and don’t really show any affection. Our arguments are bad, raised voices, saying things out of spite and making suggestions of one of us leaving. I’ll put my hands up to me causing some of these however my husband can be very provoking with his reactions and that then riles me up. It’s like we just don’t work together anymore. My 1 year old is definitely much more aware of these things now and I don’t want him being surrounded by tension or arguments. My husband is my first serious relationship so I’ve not experienced a break up before to know the signs it’s all going wrong or isn’t healthy anymore. We are so far from the couple we were I just don’t know how we’d ever get back to that point now.
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Can i ask how old you both are? If its your first serious relationship then I imagine its the first time you've had to deal with a difficult time in your relationship. You decided to get married and have a baby i wouldn't just walk away everyone goes through a tough time in a relationship and it sounds like the two of you got married and had a baby before you ever went through a tough time together. Communication and understanding each other is so key to a relationship. So I would try couples therapy to improve this. Maybe for now you agree to not say things just to be malicious and maybe have a word you agree on to break an argument until you both learn how to communicate differently. I grew up in a house of fighting and nasty things being said and so I made the decision never to engage in that with any partner and in almost 7 years we have never had a fight. I dont know if you can restore your relationship but it'll never happen if you don't both do some work and counselling should help with that. Good luck
So I think all relationships go through ups and downs.
And the truth is relationships/marriage is work, is a choice you make everyday to love one another.
You say you've talked it through and make changes but doesn't last.
That can be normal. I think is a bit like when you try to pick up a new habit you have to be very regimented for a while before it becomes natural.
* Consider professional help
* When you talk make a clear action plan for what you need to connect again.
- if you need weekly date nights, set the exact date time etc.
- if you find yourself being disrespectful towards each other, set rule about what type of things you find disrespectful and vise versa and set rules around how you will call each other out in a respectful manner when the other is being rude..so like if he is saying stuff you know will trigger you. Say "I find what you are saying now triggering please stop, let's take some time to calm down"
- when an issue comes up, agree on how you want to communicate.
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How do you know it’s over
I’ve been with my husband 4 years married 2. Over the last year our relationship has changed massively. We’ve gone from being like best friends, laughing, joking and cuddling. We always managed to live easily together and nothing felt like a chore. Now we argue constantly and when we don’t we just get on with our days and don’t really show any affection. Our arguments are bad, raised voices, saying things out of spite and making suggestions of one of us leaving. I’ll put my hands up to me causing some of these however my husband can be very provoking with his reactions and that then riles me up. It’s like we just don’t work together anymore. My 1 year old is definitely much more aware of these things now and I don’t want him being surrounded by tension or arguments. My husband is my first serious relationship so I’ve not experienced a break up before to know the signs it’s all going wrong or isn’t healthy anymore. We are so far from the couple we were I just don’t know how we’d ever get back to that point now.
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