My child got suspended from school for several days, should I not allow them to go trick or treating?

No that’s very appropriate given what the behavior was.

Im kind of on the fence. They are receiving adequate punishment, and the fact that they dont want to share their side of the story almost has me wondering if they’re in fear of something?

Is it the same child that this is happening with? Could your child be retaliating against them for a bigger reason that they don’t want to share?

-How old are they?
- what is communication, routine, discipline like in general?
- have they gone through bullying at any point?
- do they have low confidence or self esteem?

I picked the third option because I’m not totally sure what I would do. I think I would still let my kid go if I thought they were going to behave during and not harm any children. He’s been punished by being out of school and hopefully being very very bored for those days at home. He missed all his Halloween fun at the school. That’s his logical consequences for this.

Having him skip trick or treating is not going to fix his behavior and doesn’t really relate to what happened. But it is going to create more division and resentment. To me, trick or treating isn’t a reward and so can’t really be taken away.

If you are not going to have him go, I would frame it as it’s your job to make sure all children are safe on Halloween. His actions seem to show he can’t be trusted to act appropriately with other kids or listen to directions. This might result in him or other children getting hurt. This seems like more of a valid reason as opposed to just for the sake of punishment.

I think by just punishing you might accidentally push your child further away from you, maybe try to spend more quality time with them, reduce the pressure and don’t “make” them tell you everything, just offer an ear. It sounds like school isn’t a very nice place for your child currently and rather than taking away all the nice parts, maybe giving them something positive to look forward to and a refuge from a place they don’t enjoy could reduce the unwanted behaviour? My children are much younger so I can’t speak from experience but for younger children “punishment” should always be a logical consequence and taking away all the things they might’ve been looking forward to (family trip, trick or treating) doesn’t sound like a logical thing? Maybe you can have them write an apology or look for something a bit closer to the issue.

Considering the gone through trauma statement, which thank you for letting us know that. He could be dealing with this trauma. I agree to not force him to talk about things. Spend time doing things he likes with him.
I would also advise working together with the school to create a plan that helps him feel safer. Find out what teachers he likes, what classes he enjoys, and see if they can build around that.
I do believe you should take him trick or treating as in my experience taking it away might not teach him, and instead maybe make him feel more isolated. That is IF you trust that he won’t harm any children

I originally clicked let them go before reading the whole post, with this behaviour it would be a definite no from me, if it was just something little I’d say let them go, but the second incident is just a straight no from me, it’s bullying at the end of the day and bullying is disgusting and not tolerated in my house and never will be, was never tolerated by my mum either with her 5 kids, I think he really needs to be taught a lesson tbh

They are already receiving a punishment. You don’t have to pile it on. I don’t see anything happening at home that would warrant further punishment. I think you should’ve kept the family plans and not cancelled.

They’re not confiding in you, but that’s not a reason for punishment. Frankly I’m not surprised since you haven’t really heard their side and you’re already punishing them in every way you can think.

How are they supposed to open up to you when you’ve already judged them to be guilty with incomplete context and they know any mistake will have 5x punishment? What if that context justified their action but also involved admitting a different mistake? What if there’s no good justification, they’re just struggling and it’s coming out in other ways, or the context made it harder to do “the right thing”? I don’t think THEY think you’ll be very understanding and accept them regardless, if anything they may just be afraid of incurring further punishments cuz when does it end?

Go trick or treating with him but let him know it's not because he earned it but because he still deserves to be a kid that you love him