Am I being ungrateful, or am I asking for the bare minimum?

I used to be the breadwinner. I still owed it to my spouse to do some chores and help with the baby. You're not asking for much at all. This is your spouse undermining your labor because it's unpaid.

I’m a sahm but I also have restaurants I wanna try, events I wanna go to, places I wanna explore, friends to see and hobbies to do. I’m a sahm but that doesn’t mean my existence solely revolves around the house and kids, i have an active social life I go out 2-3* a week while hubby is at home w the kids, after hours at 7, my boy goes to sleep at 9 so he’s only literally looking after him for 2hrs before he’s off to sleep. I have my dance twice a week Tuesdays and Fridays at 7pm, and sometimes I’ve made plans on a Sat night w friends. I don’t feel guilty at all and he’s doing his part financially but also some parenting to share the burden w me. Go do what you wanna do, see who you wanna see and don’t feel guilty or ungrateful about it- he knows I need a break too just as much as he does, we take turns getting out of the house to take them.

You are not being ungrateful. He's a shitty parent & partner.

You both work fulltime jobs. He is still your childs father, so he should still be caring for and watching your child.
And you are not his mother nor his maid, he should absolutely be cleaning his own house.

I'm a SAHM. My husband works outside the home. I work in the home. When he's off, he clocks in at home and I get to take the breaks he got to take during the day at work but I didn't. Also, you deserve time to yourself. If you get burnt out, the home falls apart and that's the foundation of EVERYONE'S life.

I know how you feel im in the same situation he dose help a little bit now its our second baby

You don't say that he makes comments about it and he contributes additional money when he can. The way you talk about him/your dynamic doesn't sound to me like you have a partner that doesn't care. It sounds more like he may just be oblivious to the fact that you're needing more than the financial support. While he should still notice that you need time for yourself both in and out of the house, maybe he needs to be reminded of it or given specific instructions or days/times that he can work around? It is good for you and your relationship to be able to get that time for yourself. He should want to help you achieve that and he needs to also be taking a more active role in your kiddos life when home.