Am I being irrational?
Just need opinions on if I’m being irrational about the safety of my 7 month old son. I’m a first time single mum. His dad is having knee reconstruction surgery and I’m worried about his visits during his recovery. He lives with his 75 year old mum, a dachshund who is a handful and had visits from his 13 year old daughter twice a week. They’re in a 3 story house, but he’s confirmed moved everything for our son downstairs. He will be on crutches and no idea how long recovery is, or when physio will start and has been very vague about everything regarding his recovery, saying the hospital hasn’t given him any information. So I arranged for health visitor to go and see what she thought. He kept saying his mum might be busy that day (she doesn’t get out as hip and knee mobility issues so I was suspicious of this). On the day of the visit where I wanted HV to see how his mum handled Harrison, she conveniently had a doctors appointment at the time of the visit, so she couldn’t check how she was lifting and carrying Harrison. He has told health visitor that his sister who attended the appointment will be helping during his recovery and that he would be out of action for the first week. When he dropped our son back, he said his sister works, so couldn’t be there all the time and that he wants him the first week. I have stood my ground and said we will be going by what you have told the health visitor. He’s also confirmed he will be on crutches. I’m just worried about our son’s safety with being dropped, or someone tripping over the dog, not getting to him in time if in danger or choking. I was told by him to “trust me” and painted as a controlling mum constantly. Just doesn’t feel right to “give in” and accept potentially he isn’t safe just to keep the peace 😔
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How is he as a dad usually? I mean if he is a good dad usually he will most certainly do the best for his baby to be well cared for in his home while he recovers. If I m a good mom and I need a surgery my kids will at all times be well cared for and I would be pissed having his dad sending me people over to check it out... If he is a shitty dad then it's another story of course
I’m sorry your having a hard time
I dont think youre being irrational. Esp as a first time mom. I would also have the same concerns. I also kinda agree with what Aurelie said. If he is genuinely a good dad then I would think he would have the same concerns and make sure the child is taken care of while in his care. I would also feel more comfortable if the situation was evaluated by a professional like the HV you mentioned. It doesnt mean youre questioning whether hes a good dad, it just means you want peace of mind and theres nothing wrong with that.
I agree with other comments about him over all being a good dad. I don't think it's necessarily irrational to have concerns, but I do think it would be over the top to keep him away from his child without real cause and past unsafe behavior. I've been on crutches post surgery and the solo parent during the day- I would have been insanely upset if my husband was sending people to check me out before trusting my judgement with our children.
I don’t think the issue is good dad or bad dad. He’s withholding info and the fact of the matter is he is having surgery. Everyone needs time to heal after a major surgery. I think he’s being selfish. Are u allowed to come by and just chill in the room while he sees the baby?
Remind him it’s not about him. It’s about the safety of the baby who I imagine is crawling by now and can get into things rather quickly.
Don't personally think you're being irrational, but I think my ex would also label me controlling he says i micro manage him I'd personally love to not have to but hey. How long will baby be staying with dad during his visits what did health visitor say? I've personally found approahing co parent as we are a team, if you have had surgery I will work around you so you get to see your child and you also get to recover, the best way to go about addresing these concerns but might be too late for that.
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Am I being irrational?
Just need opinions on if I’m being irrational about the safety of my 7 month old son. I’m a first time single mum. His dad is having knee reconstruction surgery and I’m worried about his visits during his recovery. He lives with his 75 year old mum, a dachshund who is a handful and had visits from his 13 year old daughter twice a week. They’re in a 3 story house, but he’s confirmed moved everything for our son downstairs. He will be on crutches and no idea how long recovery is, or when physio will start and has been very vague about everything regarding his recovery, saying the hospital hasn’t given him any information. So I arranged for health visitor to go and see what she thought. He kept saying his mum might be busy that day (she doesn’t get out as hip and knee mobility issues so I was suspicious of this). On the day of the visit where I wanted HV to see how his mum handled Harrison, she conveniently had a doctors appointment at the time of the visit, so she couldn’t check how she was lifting and carrying Harrison. He has told health visitor that his sister who attended the appointment will be helping during his recovery and that he would be out of action for the first week. When he dropped our son back, he said his sister works, so couldn’t be there all the time and that he wants him the first week. I have stood my ground and said we will be going by what you have told the health visitor. He’s also confirmed he will be on crutches. I’m just worried about our son’s safety with being dropped, or someone tripping over the dog, not getting to him in time if in danger or choking. I was told by him to “trust me” and painted as a controlling mum constantly. Just doesn’t feel right to “give in” and accept potentially he isn’t safe just to keep the peace 😔
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