He said I forced him into being a parent

I was told I’d struggle to have kids by a doctor after an adenomyosis diagnosis and should consider trying to conceive at the beginning of this year which I mentioned to my partner as we were thinking maybe 2-3 years time.
Then I find out I’d become pregnant in Feb and I was so panicked yet happy I could have a child. My partner was annoyed at first thinking I’d lied about what the doctors said, but then came around and was more excited than me… although he never really changed.
Didn’t do research, didn’t want to get baby things, didn’t want to go to classes. He was telling all his friends but to me he was so removed.

Fast forward and our baby has been with us for two weeks and he loves him, but we’re growing further and further apart. I asked for us to discuss how we will cope now he’s going back to work and he said “you didnt think of any of this, you were too preoccupied with having a baby.” I did say well neither of us thought about it, to which he said I was the one who really wanted a baby, not him.

I don’t know how to feel or what to say. He’s already said I’ll end up on my own if I carry on nagging him.

Is this growing pains?

For context I’m also 3 years older than him, we’ve been together for 3 years and he lives in my flat that I own.

Read more on Peanut

The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.

Learn more about our guidelines.

Add a comment

They are very hurtful comments to make to a partner, let alone one who has just had your child. He has basically threatened that you'll end up on your own if you don't act in a way that he finds appropriate :/

I'm new to co-parenting after my partner of 8yrs walked out on me and I wouldn't wish this hell on anyone so I don't want to suggest you split with him but he needs to know his words and actions are absolutely not okay

Does anyone really think about the future? No bcuz the future is unpredictable
with that threat I tell him by theirs the door
Bcuz if he doesn't nothing then u r already on ur own as a single parent

I think you should give him some time and space to adjust to fatherhood on his own, without constantly pushing him. As women, I feel like our experience with motherhood is naturally different. Even though I’m in a committed relationship, I’m fully prepared to care for my newborn on my own if I have to. I don’t have family or friends nearby, and even with my partner present, I’m still the primary caregiver.
I personally don’t expect men to carry the same weight we do as mothers, just as we don’t necessarily carry the same weight they do in other aspects of life. I believe in allowing each person to contribute in their own way. Let him contribute to the household while you focus on caring for your baby and adjusting to motherhood.

I’m sorry but I wouldn’t have been able to stop myself from saying “you know what, you’re right, let’s make sure you never hear my nagging again, get out”, if I had just had some man’s child & he was acting this way, knowing all he knows & being w/me for a few years already. Obviously not all of us would be in the instant position to do this, but I definitely wouldn’t forget this comment, that’s lifelong resentment words & would be emotionally detaching from the relationship while working my way to being able to tell him that it took me a bit to think about what he had said to me & I decided I didn’t need to tolerate someone trying to threaten me into behaving like I’m not a human being w/a wide variety of feelings & emotions, especially considering that I was PP & going through one of the biggest & hardest hormonal shifts of my entire life that could’ve been the happiest time of our relationship, instead he decided to ruin it for everyone, including his own child.

in our community

Are we going to break up?

My baby boy is 16 days old and my partner has been really distant. I’m recovering from a 99th percentile baby and emergency c section. During paternity leave he started picking up side jobs and was still going out to meet friends (he did normally ask but in a way that felt like I couldn’t say no?). And before you ask, a lot of the tasks were for him to afford things for his car.
I do all the nights at the moment as I’m trying to breast feed and my partner sleeps through cries and has fallen asleep with him in his arms. He’s been working 7am-7pm the last two days on a side job meaning he’s out around an hour and a half either side of that, and has vocalised it’s easier for me as I’ve got “all the time off” (my maternity leave) and he’s working.

We keep getting into arguments where he feels like I am over baring when he is looking after our boy and insisted he needs to be allowed to do “trial and error”, I feel like he’s not willing to learn about our baby and I really don’t think he even cares about how much work, sleep deprivation and physical turmoil I’ve been through. Is this a regular stage of parenting and adjustment or should I be really worried?

Friend

Anyone who has had a successful friendship transition from chatting here to real connection. I am always unlucky 🙃

Intimacy in relationship

Hello mamas,

Posting as incognito because I feel ashamed to post with my profile 🙈 I’m also ashamed to speak with my friends or family about it, hence, here we are 😅

I know many of us don’t want to talk about so I will do a poll. 🙌 of course feel free to comment if you are okay with that x

How are you getting on in terms of intimacy in your relationship?

Myself and my partner used to have a sex like 3 times a week, at least. Sometimes twice a day! 🙈 so yeah, our sexual life was pretty good I would say. Sometimes very spontaneous and unplanned , sometimes wild and planned 🤷‍♀️
We are over 4 years together and we’ve been very good until last year. The more ‘pregnant’ I was (read bigger belly 🤣) the less we were intimate. We spoke about it and I just didn’t have a need for whatever reason and my partner was scared about the baby 🙈 yes yes there was no danger for the baby but we still decided to have it less 🤷‍♀️ and we both were okay with that!

I thought after pregnancy things will go back to normal but nope. Now we are having 2-3 times sex but per month, not week…

I really like the way my partner look. He is very sexy and every night when he takes shower I observe and I really do like what I see. ( before baby I would just join him and things would happen but now with baby it’s just impossible…). So yes, I find him attractive.
I do also believe there is nothing wrong with me. I think I bounced back pretty quick after pregnancy and tbf he might even like me more now 🍑🍈

I just think we became parents and no longer partners if that makes sense…
Sometimes I don’t even want to because I’m upset that I had to be all day home and do everything and he just wants to relax after work - this is just an example. And ofc I won’t even initiate anything. Him, having responsible job and being stressed after work not helping also.
I don’t know… it’s like we are okay with not having it but deep inside we are not okay?? And when we talk about it, it changes for few weeks and then goes back to what it was..

I’m just trying to see if anyone else has the same problem. Is it going to change after some time? Or that’s it? When you become parents your sexual life stay this way 4ever? 😒

Friends!!

Hey it's tough to makes friends. Adult friendships are hard. It takes time and effort. I got back on this app since June and I met up with 1 person and never heard from her again. 🤷🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️ There's alot of ghosting on this app and some people aren't serious about making friends. I'm looking for local friends. i live in merchantville nj. I do events with my son all the time he is 4 years old next month. but now it's starting to get lonely just by myself. Let's have good conversations .