Parenting advice

When she gets old enough try diagnose for autism it’s sounds like it

What does she do if you ignore her? For example, gently say please be kind or of that effect and then when she comtinues just get up and walk away?

I am sure its a developmental thing, mixed with new sibling and just struggling to communicate her emotions/wants.

Is she in nursery? Does she do same in nursery? Xx

3 is a tough age in many ways & a new sibling is a huuuuge transition- if I'm honest this sounds pretty normal ? There isn't a magic parenting trick that will suddenly fix her behaviour, and honestly describing a small child's behaviour as "naughty" shows a misunderstanding on your part on what behaviour is. I definitely recommend the books The Book you wish your parents had read & How to talk so little kids will listen & Good Inside.

Four months really isn't that long. Her whole world has changed and in no way for the better (yet!) from her perspective. Alongside this there is so much going on developmentally so her whole drive at the moment will be trying to assert some control and struggling without the language or skills to cope with what she can't control. I went through this and I suggest focusing on making the presence of the baby a positive. For instance special toys for her when baby's feeding. Then big up 1:1 time e.g. special books or games for when baby is napping. I'd up the amount of choice over everything possible e.g. which of these two Xs would you like today? And give roles and purpose to make her feel special like being the table setter.

This is completely normal even for children with no siblings. Crazy someone is jumping to autism. Toddlers have tantrums and meltdowns over what we perceive as silly little things - it's very very normal. They are still learning to regulate. Everything is a big deal to them.

You don't need to "correct" a meltdown. Experiencing strong emotions is normal, you don't need to stop them. Just sit with her or ask if she needs some space, wait until she's calmed down, then talk about the problem. Just stay calm and help her co-regulate. If she lashes out physically, just move away, refuse to engage, I like to say "it's ok to be mad but it's not ok to be mean" and encourage her to label her feelings with words. You might have to model that to start with, like, "I hear you are really frustrated about X" or whatever... I feel for you as my 4yo is the same (no younger sibs) and REALLY struggles with her big feelings but she is so much better at naming them and talking about them than I was at her age

Anecdotally, my eldest had a massive shift with his behaviour a few months after we introduced his baby sister. I felt it was like a delayed reaction, and several friends of mine had similar experiences.

There is also the “threenager” stage (a lot of people find the “terrible twos” isn’t really a thing but the “threenager” stage is a killer).

From what you’ve described, it sounds normal to me. I know that doesn’t feel helpful, but it gets better. Just stay calm (easier said than done so don’t beat yourself up if you lose your cool at times too) and consistent as you can. Goes without saying, but don’t just give in to keep the peace, it won’t help in the long run. But remember that she’s not giving you a hard time, she’s having a hard time.

It will pass.

I can relate to this so much, my daughter will be 3 in March but her behaviour the last few months has been absolutely terrible! She has a nearly 1 year old sister and there is 20 months between them. At first she loved her sister but now she is jealous of her and hits her, kicks her and is just horrible. She doesn't listen to a word my partner says and has tantrums over absolutely everything and anything.

She kicks, hits, screams, cries, throws things at us. I've had enough of her and don't even recognise her anymore. Nothing works and I ended up shouting at her and getting really angry at her tonight and then she ends up crying. It's exhausting and draining

Are we all just living the same life with our toddlers?! 😅. My 5 year old is literally driving me up the wall, and I have a 6 month old. She was wayyyyyy worse when she was 3 and 4, so I feel your pain. A lot of this is growing pains. Your toddler’s growing, learning who she is and pushing boundaries right now (it freaking sucks, I know!).

I’d sign her up for an activity. We started karate recently for my 5 year old and if I could go back in time and help the old me out that was struggling when she was 3 and 4, I would put her in swimming, sports, dance or another activity. Activities teach them discipline, which then permeates other areas of their lives, like in the home x