Hello, needed some advice pls, since my little one has been born I haven’t had any help from my husband with feeding him or on night wakes . Now he’s 18 months old and still he dosent help. He only plays with him that’s all. Am I petty.

He will see to him if I have an appointment or need a few hours sleep . I cook dinner and do everything around the house . He dosent even help with dishes . Am finding it hard to speak as every time I do he throws a strop. What should I do .

Read more on Peanut

The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.

Learn more about our guidelines.
Add a comment
Avatar

Honestly , don’t pick up his stuff, don’t cook for him, don’t do his laundry etc, explain that unless he takes on some of the tasks of being a parent you don’t have capacity to do his stuff

Avatar

your right ! Make him realise .. the thing I don’t get is why he’s like that 😫 the day I gave birth until now he’s never helped me on nights at all! I’ve done it all on my own . And when I question him he says oh it’s because he’s a good baby and he dosent wake up or trouble .

Avatar

Remind him you shouldn’t need to be in a position where you’re begging him for help. That implies that everything is your responsibility and he’s some sort of hero for being a parent to his baby. He isn’t. The bulk of responsibility is on you as the primary caregiver but your main focus should be the baby and his main focus should be supporting you in whatever way humanly possible. He’s supposed to be tired. He’s a parent now. Time to grow up, stop having a tantrum when he’s asked for the bare minimum, and show you that he can be the dad I assume you had hoped he would be. I’ve just gone back and seen you’ve spent 18 months dealing with this. Honestly sounds like one for the bin. But I appreciate that’s easier said than done so BIG talk needed, set expectations now and give him whatever time you think is reasonable to shape up or ship out. If you’re unwilling to lay down boundaries or leave him then accept that this is the man you’re with and a life you’re choosing. You deserve better.

Avatar

Men lovely

Read more on Peanut

Trending

in our community

Nursery advice needed from parents who’ve been there

Hi everyone,

I’m looking for some advice on nurseries.

My LO will be starting nursery for 2–3 days a week from February 2027, and I’ll be going back to work in June, when we’ll need to increase him to full-time.

Here’s the dilemma. We have two nurseries we really like, but Option A is our first choice and Option B is our second.

Option B has offered us full-time from June.

Option A has told us they can only offer three days a week from June, with the possibility of increasing to full-time from September. This would mean finding alternative childcare for the other two days during June, July and August.

My initial thought was to take the three days at Option A and see if Option B could offer us the additional two days. Once Option A has full-time availability, we could then move him fully across.

However, my husband’s gut feeling is that we need the security of guaranteed full-time childcare from June. His preference is to go straight with Option B.

I’m really torn because I love Option A, but we obviously need some guarantee that full-time availability will eventually come up.

If we went with Option B and he settled there, but Option A subsequently offered us a full-time place, I’d still really want to move him.

What would you do? Would you take the risk with your first choice and potentially juggle two nurseries for a few months, or go with your second choice for the security of full-time childcare?

Avatar

4

Detachment

So this morning my hormones just went bad really bad and I started “arguing” with my husband and just let my mouth run free. What he understood from that is that he should start neglecting himself and even disconnected his entire pc and brought it in the storage room although that’s his only way of winding down from stress. And he then started doing all these unnecessary stuff around the house that I didn’t even ask him to do. He barely lets me take care of our daughter and now I feel even more worthless and like the villain. And when I tried to make him understand that he misinterpreted what I said this morning he refused to listen.

Idk what to do anymore it’s only day 9 and it feels like the marriage is falling apart.

Avatar

11

Bed Bugs 🤮

My FIL keep bringing bed bugs into my home. Having them has been a huge fear of mine since I was a child. I feel so disgusting. Im too paranoid to sleep knowing they will crawl on me. Im already sleep deprived waking up with baby. Im already overwhelmed with laundry but now im washing every sheet and blanket constantly I cant stop. I cant stop cleaning even though i know that doesnt change their presence. The exterminator didnt find a single one or any signs of them but I have bites so we know there are a few of them hanging out. I pray they will never come back. Im furious that he keeps bringing them into my home. Idk how to move forward besides not allowing him over ever. Im so damn frustrated and tired is an understatement. Ive already had a few meltdowns so I need to vent. YUCK 🤮

Avatar

2

4

Frustrated

My husband seems to listen to everyone but me. I could say something and it goes in one ear and out the other but someone else says the same exact thing like his mom or step mom or even the Internet or other family members he listens. Do you think me being a stay at home mom and him being the bread winner can cause this? He's not the type of man to throw it in my face I actually have all access of the money and I pay the bills and spend the money and he doesn't mind me managing but when it comes to him making choices I feel like I'm not heard. Idk. Maybe I'm tripping

Avatar

7

Hello, needed some advice pls, since my little one has been born I haven’t had any help from my husband with feeding him or on night wakes . Now he’s 18 months old and still he dosent help. He only plays with him that’s all. Am I petty.

He will see to him if I have an appointment or need a few hours sleep . I cook dinner and do everything around the house . He dosent even help with dishes . Am finding it hard to speak as every time I do he throws a strop. What should I do .

Avatar

5

Purees or store bought pouches?

Hi, I’m a full time stahm and was wondering if everyone’s cooking from scratch or giving their babies store bought food ? because I feel so much shame around it and I know the nhs says not to rely on them because the way they’re processed kills the nutrition so I’m worried they won’t get much 😩 and most days I don’t know what to cook and it can get very overwhelming and I never wanted to give my baby pouches but l feel awful especially because I’m home all the time and there shouldn’t be any excuses😩

Avatar

13

Read more on Peanut