Any SAHM’s get an “allowance”?

I’m a stay at home mom with my son, and my fiancé has a full time job. I babysit my sister’s 3 kids three times a week, twice at my house and then once at hers. She pays me less than a babysitter would normally get but she’s family and I would do anything for her, but my fiancé doesn’t like it because for one- he thinks she pays me too little, and for two- we keep getting sick with her oldest kid’s sicknesses (he’s in kindergarten). I think he may also be against me babysitting because he doesn’t feel that I contribute to our family enough, although I take care of our son, keep the house clean, and cook dinner every night. He does give me an allowance every paycheck, but he’s considering taking it away for his own savings. I tried talking to him about not taking it away but he said that he feels as if I’m only with him for his money. Should I be furious, or am I being selfish? How should I approach this?

Read more on Peanut

The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.

Learn more about our guidelines.
Add a comment
Avatar

What…. Girl this is all wrong. No I don’t get an “allowance” my husband works so I can do my JOB staying home with our child. I buy what we need with a little want here and there, JUST like my husband does. He never acts like it’s his money or what he needs/wants is over my needs/wants. It’s the exact same as when I worked full time as well, there’s no mine over yours.
Go ahead and start giving him a daycare bill if he wants to act like that. 🚩

Avatar

His money and my money is our money

Avatar

Um… look up financial abuse. Being a SAHM is a full time job, and the money he brings in is possible because you take care of BOTH of your child and take care of all household tasks. So the money earned is both your income. I also think he should be responsible for some of the housework as well, but that’s a separate discussion.

I have my own credit card that my husband doesn’t have access to. I just tell him the balance at the end of the month and take money from the joint account to pay it off. He does the same with his credit card. It gives both of us financial independence and also is a sign of our trust in each other. That being said, if something is a want, not a need, and it’s more than $200, we usually discuss it first before purchasing.

Avatar

If you didn't stay home w your/his child he'd have to pay for daycare. Put money in "his" savings? 😳Yeah it sounds like you both need to have a discussion on how your finances work as a married couple. Unless you signed a prenuptial agreement or something all his money is your money! If anyone is taking a hit right now it's you putting your career on hold to raise you guys child. Which I get it I'll do anything for my baby but he definitely needs a reality check

Avatar

I hope you're taking what everyone is saying to heart because you don't deserve to be treated less than. You're supposed to be partners.

Avatar

I’m in the same situation , as a sahm i want things to treat myself here and there but my bd never wants to give me only if it’s a need like for diapers etc.🥲 like at least treat me for taking care of your kids 24/7😭 this is why I’m eagerly searching for a job to have my own money because i don’t even get an allowance for the things i WANT just his card handed to me for NEEDS. his mother even gets mad at him for spending money on wants. Like what if i WANT a new blush because hey come on now I’m home 24/7 with my kids and any day i get the chance to get out i want to look GOOD , am i making any sense ?? Or do i sound needy haha idk that’s just me

Avatar

YESSS exactly, you are making 1000000% sense. We need to treat ourselves too, or we don’t feel special or at least satisfied with ourself. I wanted to get US a new pillow set for our bed because our pillows are so uncomfortable to sleep on and I asked him if he would pitch in at least on his pillow so that it could lighten the load for me, and he said “it’s not worth it to me to have a new pillow for that price” like it’s not just for you it’s also for me and that’s just how much they are…? I don’t know, I still have uncomfortable pillows 🤣🙃

Avatar

My husband’s money is my money.
I’m a SAHM taking care of OUR kids and I’d be furious if he said that to me. Being a mom is so hard at time especially being with them 24/7 and never really getting a break.
My husband helps out with the chores on the weekends and sometimes makes dinner during the week because sometimes you just need that little breather of not having to do everything alone. I recently started getting my hair colored every few months and he made a stink about the cost but I just told him I need to have something that I can do for myself to feel human. When I worked full time before the kids we still shared everything and had more freedom to spend and now I’m smarter with what we can afford and he knows that. You deserve to do things for yourself mama and feel supported. You deserve more than an allowance.

Avatar

I’m a SAHM. My husband and I have a shared account. I use my credit card mainly and pay it off each time he gets paid(lol my credit limit is LOW like a couple hundred dollars low) I use my credit card on clothes for baby, diapers, food and wants if I want something small. This month for instance I NEEDED new shoes. I have EDS and I also have very bad ankles and feet due to it. So we decided to have me fitted for shoes and get a good pair that will benefit me as I’ve never splurged on shoes like this before. So he told me to charge it to my credit card and then he paid it off for me right away. That way I still had mkney to spend. If I go over my credit card he will pay it off so I have money. Whenever for whatever. Now he had to FORCE me to get my new shoes(I wear a women’s 13 shoes aren’t cheap for me) as I don’t like to spend money on me I feel guilty. I do speak to him before ever spending money on unnornal purchases for me or our kiddo. But he typically never says no.

Avatar

I will say I did get told no to the Dyson hair wrap as he had just bought me a new car since mine broke down completely🤦🏼‍♀️ but otherwise he doesn’t typically care what I do. I’m the one in charge of our finances so he just assumes I’m making sure money goes to the savings each month though. He works and I take care of literally EVERYTHING else finances, bills, groceries, child, food, cleaning the whole shabang.

Avatar

I was married before we had a kid and we have always shared the money. Whatever is left after bills we decide on collectively what to buy or what to do with. When our son was born, we obviously made less money and had less for ourselves, but he knows and sees how hard it is on me to be home all day

Avatar

me 💯 looking for a JOB for my wants and also to socialize with adults. It’s exhausting just me and the baby all day long. Need to get out

Avatar

I love my baby but we need a break 😂👋♥️

Read more on Peanut

Trending

in our community

Is this clever or cruel?

My husband and i were talking and with social media and the internet in general being a terrifying dumpster fire, we are trying to figure out the best way to keep our son safe while still teaching him how to safely be online and moderation.

We landed on the idea of giving him the 90's kid treatment. A computer in the living room for us to keep an eye on what hes doing online, and once we feel hes mature enough to hang with friends without adult supervision he gets a flip phone. When we feel he is responsible enough and he earns and saves up the money for the physical phone, case, and screen cover, then we will be happy to take him to get a smart phone.

I thought this was air tight, but now my brother says its cruel to give a kid a flip phone, and besides he can just use his friends phones at school.

My husband and i remember a time before the internet, and we remember having complete access to something no one understood yet. We saw unspeakable things and are always battling with the urge to put the phone and social media down. I dont want that for my son, especially with his brain so vulnerable still.

Avatar

3

38

If your partners parent passes away

And you and that parent didn't get along are you still go to the funeral?

Not my situation!

Avatar

24

Partner no longer wants baby #2

Before our son was born we originally both wanted minimum 2 kids but we were hoping for 3-4. My partner found the birth traumatic to watch and also struggled a lot with the newborn/baby stage. He no longer wants to have any more children and it’s completely breaking my heart. I need another baby. We’ve spoken about it a lot and the options. He said he wasn’t COMPLETELY closed off to it so I asked him to try and work through his feelings and reconsider his decision. He eventually said he definitely doesn’t want another. I know that I will always want one and my feelings will never change. Do we have to break up or does anyone know anything else I can do to help change his mind? Has anyone else’s partner said this and then changed their mind? I don’t want to break up because I adore him and our life together and I’d hate to split up our family for “selfish” reasons and make my son miss out on having both of us together but I just don’t know what to do

Avatar

1

17

Nursery funding

My child turned 9 months last week. I applied for government funded hours nearly 2 months ago and so well within the required timeframe for the April term, however upon receiving my first invoice without the funding applied and having questioned this, I have now been informed that the stretched funding doesn’t start until 4th May.

Has anyone else been told it won’t start until May?

The government site states it should start from April 1st, and so I intentionally set my nursery start and return to work as the start of April for that reason, knowing that I wouldn’t be able to afford the nursery on my sole income without the funding

Avatar

6

Jealous of my husband

I’m so jealous of him and it’s making me resentful. We have a ten week old and I’m jealous that he is at work all day. I’m jealous he can leave for lunch and actually eat an uninterrupted lunch. Take a phone call uninterrupted. Chat with a friend he runs in to uninterrupted. Even go to the bathroom when he wants uninterrupted. He comes home from work when he wants. He’s not on a set schedule. Some days are late some are early. It depends on when he’s done. I’m jealous he can come home at 10pm and shower, eat and go right to bed uninterrupted because I already have the baby asleep. He doesn’t have to worry about anything house wise or baby wise because I’ve done it all. Meanwhile I’m covered in puke and crap and smell like rotten milk. When he is home he is VERY active and helpful. So it’s not that. I’m just jealous his world hasn’t changed and mine has I guess. This isn’t something he’s doing wrong so I’m not sure how to get past this. I wish I could keep him home all day because that’s how helpful he is, but I understand he obv needs to work.

Avatar

4

7

Calpol

My mum has just given my 4 year old calpol because he asked for it. He isn’t poorly (although was last week, been fine this week) he just likes the taste of it. My mum didn’t check, didn’t ask, just gave it to him and when I’ve questioned her she said “he asked for it”. Then quizzed 4 year old who said he asked for it because it tastes nice.

How would you react?

Avatar

4

Read more on Peanut