MIL calls my 3 month old a “sook”
Anyone else have a very intrusive MIL? She’s causing me to also resent my husband which I feel really bad about (i’ll get to this later)
Whenever she is around him and he starts crying she immediately calls him a “sook” and says “no! No crying!” And my husband also says “no, we don’t cry here. We don’t do that here” mostly in a joking/serious way but his mother seems to be already trying to raise him her way.. the way she raised my husband that emotions other than happy and positive are bad. My husband then also says “he got his frustrations and emotions from her (me)” which also bothers me as it feels like he’s painting me out to be the bad person in the relationship even if he doesn’t mean to.
I’m not a fan of gentle parenting myself but the way she tries to get my son to stop crying and calls him a sook makes me seriously cringe and my husband doesn’t back me up.
She also gives her “opinion” on every single thing from what products my son uses to what he wears. When we went out, i had my son in shoes cause my friend bought them and I think they looked adorable. She later says “Who got the shoes?” “I wouldn’t let him wear it all the time” and I told her I let him wear it when we go out. I really wanted to say more but didn’t want to cause a scene. I’ve been really trying to choose my battles wisely. The thing is it has all been bothering me and trying to smile through everything is starting to make me resentful. When I bring it up with my husband, he seems to get annoyed at hearing it. He hates conflict and it makes me feel unheard. I told him I want to speak to him about some stuff and he’s like “you can bring it up on..(x date) when we have our “meeting” and I just feel annoyed even by that because that’s how his family goes over issues. It’s like everything he does in our relationship is just copying how his family does it and I cannot deal. It’s seriously making me resentful. I know I wrote about many issues on this post and not just my son being called a “sook” but I feel like I have to vent. It’s all bothered me so much I’ve thought about divorce even though I don’t want to but I just wish sometimes he was different…
I’m sure he feels the same way about certain things about me.
I am just starting to resent a lot of how his family is and parts of him. I don’t think he knows the seriousness of how I feel but I’m beginning to get seriously depressed over this.
Also: I’m getting sick of seeing his family frequently. Even his grandmother annoys the living cr** out of me and I feel bad for feeling this way. His entire family feels like a control freak like even while shopping, i really need a bra and his grandma was like to my husband “oh my gosh. This is expensive one! You don’t need to get this one” as though it’s HIS necessity. I just said “my gosh. I need it” and rolled my eyes. I’m sick of feeling this way around them and pray that one day my husband and his family will change.. no matter how unrealistic that is. I get anxiety being around my in-laws and sometimes even husband.
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My in-laws are the same way about boys not crying. I have a daughter, so it's less of an issue since girls are "allowed" to show emotion...but still, they say crap that drives me crazy, too. Like, "If you keep crying, I'll give you something to cry about." 😒 It's one thing if a kid is just being a brat and whining for no reason, but they've prompted me to tell my daughter that when she actually did have a valid reason to cry; she was overtired and had been woken up right after starting a nap, but if course, we HAD to visit everybody, because how dare we be rude and not succumb to their desire to see us, no matter how she felt?
wow, that sucks… yeah.. I understand how that can get frustrating.. my in laws too.. how dare we not see them even if my baby is fussy and doesn’t want to go out 😪😪😒
He’s a baby. Babies cry 🤷♀️ that’s how they communicate. And when he’s older, children cry to express emotions they don’t have words for. It’s a healthy expression to cry.
I would be so mad if someone was telling my baby not to cry
that’s what i mean.. also did you mean you would be mad or wouldn’t?
Sorry yes I meant I would be really mad! I made a typo in my comment whoopsy
hahaha though so! No worries !
honestly i found that distance between the in laws and our nuclear family has been the healthiest thing for us
i’ve been there… having resentment towards my husband bc of the characteristics that are cleary a result of how his family operates. my side isnt perfect either, and neither am i of course, but my side never affects our relationship.
we had some drama a bit ago involving my mil and during the situation my husband did get upset w me bc he felt that i was talking bad about his family (when i was opening up to him about how i felt) but eventually after some level-headed explaining and also some
compromises we worked through it and are doing great now, thank god
so my advice is create as much distance as you need for your family to be healthy and dont stop trying to figure out ways to communicate with your partner!
and just to add
ive noticed its difficult for ppl
to see how their families influence them bc they were raised by them so a lot is the norm until they learn/find out otherwise
so oftentimes it takes a lot of self-reflection and patience (and distance!!) to grow
thank you for this lovely❤️
yeah, i think distance does help a lot.. wish we could without being rude
I would just say “it’s healthy to cry” and then remove the child to another room away from them where you can help him regulate
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