My husband says “shut up” to our baby and it upsets me

Background:
- We have a 7 week old baby girl
- For me, she is my first biological child
- For my husband, she is the second biological child
- We live with my full-time stepson, who is 10 years old

Situation:
My husband says “shut up” and “shush” to our baby when she is crying. It often sounds aggressive for me and I am upset about it.

I asked him not to say it as what she can do is crying obviously.
He said he is not serious and he can say what he wants to say. He also said that she does not understand so it does not matter.

These occasions happen when he is in charge of taking care of her. For instance, I ask him to pay an attention to her when I’m cooking because he is normally playing games. So he could have done something for her when she cries but he continues to play games and “shush” her.

Why am I upset/ does it brother me?:
- In general, I don’t want someone aggressively saying that to someone as it’s not a nice occasion.
- My stepson copies it. There were a few occasions that he said “shush” to his sister.
- I sometimes feel that I am not doing enough for her, so she cries and that makes them annoyed.
- Although my husband says that he is saying it “not seriously”, I am worrying if he does something physically. He is not violent at all but can act according to his emotion.

This doesn’t mean he is a bad dad or something. But it really upsets me and I want to know how other mums would cope with it.

Thank you very much in advance!

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Ohhhhh my god, you have much more patience than me because I’d probably be in jail for murder

Girl, I would not have any of that! It doesn't matter whether she understands it or not. SHES A NEWBORN that's how babies communicate. Yeah I don't like that at all my fiance wouldn't ever say anything like that to our daughter but if he ever did I would take that as a huge red flag and seriously consider our relationship

Tbh I wld have a real talk talk with him! She’s a baby that’s how she communicates. And the son copying the behavior makes him think it’s okay to shush a baby. As parents we r role models. My baby is one month old and her dad is so gentle and so my 3 year old son knows to always be gentle and try’s to help calm her when she cries. It would bother me soo much if he were to be that way with her. Definitely speak up we are the voice for our babies/kids !

I’m in the same situation. I tell my boyfriend that it’s not okay for our son to constantly hear “shut up” “shush” “no”. That instead of saying that he should talk to him, “what’s wrong?”, “why are you crying” “are you hungry”. “Are you tired” “do you need a diaper change”. Things like that, this also helps a baby develop their vocabulary

it’s hard because as women we are more likely to cry when exhausted/frustrated but your husband maybe responds with an aggressive shut up rather than getting upset … i have no idea what id do in your position but the shut up would certainly
upset me and perhaps ask that he just leaves the room passes baby to me and takes a deep breath rather than telling baby to shut up

If my partner told my baby to shut up whilst crying he would be in soooo much shit !! They are babies and they cry when they need comfort. Telling them to shut up just because they don’t understand yet isn’t a good enough excuse in my opinion x

Please talk to him that is very immature. Good dads don’t tell their child to shut up! Ever

My partner is like this too and it really annoys me. He said it's because the sound of the baby crying really gets to him after a while. I've told him on occasions to take a walk as I don't want him talking to the baby like that and if he's not going to react in an appropriate manner I feel like I'm better off being a single parent. He's a lot better now 9 weeks in but does get flustered when he can't soothe the baby himself but he's definitely forming a good bond with him now and gets most of baby's smiles

My husband just wants the baby to sleep and be quiet whenever I ask him to look after him. It winds me up just okay with him and stop playing your PlayStation!!!!! Honestly men are really winding me up this week!!
I feel you here it’s not good practice to get into. X

I will not stand it. Will he like it if you are mean to him and then turn around and say you were only joking? I have more than once stood my ground and let my husband know to stop and think about what he is saying as well as stop playing his game and make time for my LO. Crying is communication, and if they don't know what to do, they can do the three basic stuff like check the daiper, burp, and feeding them. If a mom can do it, so can the dad!

Omg who are all these man children who are so busy playing video games that they tell a newborn baby to shut up?

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