New single mums / mums struggling/ single mums

Alone & safe (OR) Help & fear

It looks like I will be doing this alone.
If anyone knows the definition of narcissist then this represents the father . Takes no accountability , breaks up with me all the time, lies, manipulates and cheats.
A catch right?
Luckily we have a little long distance between us , so he does not drop by why he chooses. He doesn’t know my address.

At the beginning , we spoke about him staying at my house to take care of the baby together. At first it seems ideal Becuase I would not be alone. But now, everything comes haunting back to me of his ways, habits and attitude. We are completely different in every way .

This one time, he broke down the front door. He injured his ribs and ankle. I was to blame, of course. He has not hit me, but pressed my face with his hand and shouted right up against my face. That was terrifying , and mostly after he drinks.

As much as I want his help… to not be alone, I just do think I am safe if he does live with me to do this. I have to put the safety of our baby first.
I just also feel incredibly upset that I would deprive him from that. Even if he has not earned the respect . Ok he is not like this all the time X but sometimes he can switch in a heart beat.

I know I am not perfect but nobody deserves the abuse and I have to do what’s right. How do I get round this in my mind. I feel like a monster myself stopping him from seeing his baby..
And the thought of doing this alone terrifyies me.
(24+2)
Baby due in December when it’s cold and dark. I suffer from mental health anyway, and I don’t have a network of people to help and support me through this. Any advice girls would be much appriciated ♥️ god bless

Read more on Peanut

The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.

Learn more about our guidelines.

Add a comment

Safety should always be the priority. Sometimes doing something alone is scary but it ends up showing us that we had the strength to do it all along. You shouldn’t have someone around you or your baby that causes fear.
Is there any support groups near where you live or anything like that?
Here in the AV in California we have a group called AVPH and they stop by and help out as much as they can.. and WIC too..

@Rose hey mamas I'm so glad you had the courage to reach out to us mamas on here and share what you needed to, I know it mist have been nerve wracking, I can relate too all of what you spoke to a fucking "T" . I ended up having to leave well my now ex husband because of how bad our arguments and fighting got , and my son at the time was young but he still have to see and hear it all and cried and no child needs to ever see, hear or be around that . It's not even just about the safety of your child , it's about your safety as well mama. You can definitely do this , it's gonna be an hard obstacle but it's worth it and your doing what is right . Don't ever beat yourself up about that . Please message me if you just want to talk or anything.
Have a blessed day !

In your opinion would your child be safe with him looking after them on his own? Like if you was to co parent separately if your no longer together? If not then I’d say you might want to go down the route where he has supervised visits and pays child maintenance, if he disagrees then you’ve given him the option to support his child and see them so that be his mistake to make

RUN!!! NOW! Make friends and get support through groups and neighbours. Staying with him thinking he will help is the biggest delusion. He is going to stress u and manipulate u even more when the baby comes. I also have a narcissist ex and breaking up with him before the baby was born was the best decision. He still manages to make my life absolute hell but at least he’s not in my space where I would worry about my mental health and my sons safety

in our community

Is this clever or cruel?

My husband and i were talking and with social media and the internet in general being a terrifying dumpster fire, we are trying to figure out the best way to keep our son safe while still teaching him how to safely be online and moderation.

We landed on the idea of giving him the 90's kid treatment. A computer in the living room for us to keep an eye on what hes doing online, and once we feel hes mature enough to hang with friends without adult supervision he gets a flip phone. When we feel he is responsible enough and he earns and saves up the money for the physical phone, case, and screen cover, then we will be happy to take him to get a smart phone.

I thought this was air tight, but now my brother says its cruel to give a kid a flip phone, and besides he can just use his friends phones at school.

My husband and i remember a time before the internet, and we remember having complete access to something no one understood yet. We saw unspeakable things and are always battling with the urge to put the phone and social media down. I dont want that for my son, especially with his brain so vulnerable still.

If your partners parent passes away

And you and that parent didn't get along are you still go to the funeral?

Not my situation!

Partner no longer wants baby #2

Before our son was born we originally both wanted minimum 2 kids but we were hoping for 3-4. My partner found the birth traumatic to watch and also struggled a lot with the newborn/baby stage. He no longer wants to have any more children and it’s completely breaking my heart. I need another baby. We’ve spoken about it a lot and the options. He said he wasn’t COMPLETELY closed off to it so I asked him to try and work through his feelings and reconsider his decision. He eventually said he definitely doesn’t want another. I know that I will always want one and my feelings will never change. Do we have to break up or does anyone know anything else I can do to help change his mind? Has anyone else’s partner said this and then changed their mind? I don’t want to break up because I adore him and our life together and I’d hate to split up our family for “selfish” reasons and make my son miss out on having both of us together but I just don’t know what to do

Nursery funding

My child turned 9 months last week. I applied for government funded hours nearly 2 months ago and so well within the required timeframe for the April term, however upon receiving my first invoice without the funding applied and having questioned this, I have now been informed that the stretched funding doesn’t start until 4th May.

Has anyone else been told it won’t start until May?

The government site states it should start from April 1st, and so I intentionally set my nursery start and return to work as the start of April for that reason, knowing that I wouldn’t be able to afford the nursery on my sole income without the funding

Jealous of my husband

I’m so jealous of him and it’s making me resentful. We have a ten week old and I’m jealous that he is at work all day. I’m jealous he can leave for lunch and actually eat an uninterrupted lunch. Take a phone call uninterrupted. Chat with a friend he runs in to uninterrupted. Even go to the bathroom when he wants uninterrupted. He comes home from work when he wants. He’s not on a set schedule. Some days are late some are early. It depends on when he’s done. I’m jealous he can come home at 10pm and shower, eat and go right to bed uninterrupted because I already have the baby asleep. He doesn’t have to worry about anything house wise or baby wise because I’ve done it all. Meanwhile I’m covered in puke and crap and smell like rotten milk. When he is home he is VERY active and helpful. So it’s not that. I’m just jealous his world hasn’t changed and mine has I guess. This isn’t something he’s doing wrong so I’m not sure how to get past this. I wish I could keep him home all day because that’s how helpful he is, but I understand he obv needs to work.

NHS job

Anyone work for the NHS and does 12 hour shifts? How do you work around childcare and your partners job?