How to deal with in-laws?

hi mamas! I know this is an age old question but what do you tell yourself to get through issues with your partner’s family. Not to go into great detail but we haven’t had an issue with them until this summer while they were on vacation in our town (they live out of state) they made us drive to see them every day not offering to meet or come over. I later found out they gave my daughter something I told them not to and they said to “not tell mommy” behind my back. This week we were in town and we didn’t come over since they didn’t reach out or ask. This is causing a HUGE ordeal and my partner is doing well with sticking up for us but I’m struggling. I wanted their approval originally but now I want to cut them off entirely. If you have a bad relationship with your in laws do you let your partner take your child to see them? Do you go too and just tough it out? I’m open to any suggestions 🫶🏻

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I used to have a difficult relationship with my fiancés mom, we never got along. I would always be super irritated with her and sometimes for good reason. He didn’t stick up for me and it was harder to deal with. I had issues with her up until after me and my fiancé had a break in our relationship and then when we got back together it was a better go around because he understood that he needed to stand up for me when it came to his mom. I wasn’t 100% okay with him taking our son to see his grandma because I felt I wasn’t being listened too when it came to my rules. Really I found it to be easier if I kept a distance from her when it came to being in a dodgy relationship. You definitely shouldn’t have to tough it out when it comes to the grandparents seeing the grandkids. My own grandparents don’t see their great grandson simply because it’s my choice and my fiancé stands by me.

I have pretty good in-laws but I feel like my MIL needs to hold her tongue and respect boundaries sometimes. She can be super sweet, generous and kind. But then sometimes I think she just doesn’t think about how she comes off. Like trying to tell me exactly how to raise my son and insisting her way is how it must be done. And doing things she knows I don’t want with him behind my back because she thinks she knows what’s best and I don’t know what I’m doing. Or coming into me and my husbands bedroom unannounced and finding reasons to be in there. And even just little things like trying out all my perfume without asking while I was in the hospital having my baby. I mean that’s not the worst but it’s just….boundaries.

in our community

I've finally done it

I have finally done it. I have finally become the trope, the stereotype.

I have become bitter, resentful, and very overwhelmed and overloaded. I am very unhappy and hit burnout. And I snapped at my husband last night. I work full-time, and work has been very busy so im working late a lot. Im also in grad school. I also have a toddler that has become VERY clingy with me. My husband works shorter days but commutes, so he usually gets home after me by an hour or more. When he gets home, he usually heads to the restroom for at least 30 mins when he gets home. And now my toddler doesnt want anything to do with him. So im doing all the toddler duties until bed. I dont get 5 mins to myself. Not for almost 2 years. I finally hit my wall. I have also, somehow, become my MILs medical ride service and she somehow has an appt every week, it seems?! Shes not sick!! My husband was complaining that he needs to change routine to fit in a workout sometimes, and I lost it. I have been BEGGING for 5 mins to myself for months. I have been telling him how im not good, im going to burn out for months. And between his attitude and him complaining (which really got me b/c he blames me for not being able to work out?! Saying I need help when he gets home so he just cant workout now) I just lost it completely. I told him how unfair my life has become and I have the entire mental and emotional load and it is just not fair. He got mad at me and said "hes trying" when hes literally not trying at all. What do I do?? No one is taking the load from me! And im done and dont know what to do now.
I do not like this version of me.

Is this clever or cruel?

My husband and i were talking and with social media and the internet in general being a terrifying dumpster fire, we are trying to figure out the best way to keep our son safe while still teaching him how to safely be online and moderation.

We landed on the idea of giving him the 90's kid treatment. A computer in the living room for us to keep an eye on what hes doing online, and once we feel hes mature enough to hang with friends without adult supervision he gets a flip phone. When we feel he is responsible enough and he earns and saves up the money for the physical phone, case, and screen cover, then we will be happy to take him to get a smart phone.

I thought this was air tight, but now my brother says its cruel to give a kid a flip phone, and besides he can just use his friends phones at school.

My husband and i remember a time before the internet, and we remember having complete access to something no one understood yet. We saw unspeakable things and are always battling with the urge to put the phone and social media down. I dont want that for my son, especially with his brain so vulnerable still.

AITA?

This isn't a major issue, just wondering if I'm being a bit of an asshole.

• I do shift work, 5 out of 7 days, full-time.
• My partner works from home (mostly, sometimes he goes into the office) M-F, full-time.

Anyway, whenever I have a day off during the week he gets in his feelings when I make myself food (breakfast and lunch) but not him. His reason is he's working, I'm not - Which is fair but I've asked him how many times on a weekend has he gotten up, on his day off and made me breakfast and a lunch to take with me to work? You guessed it, 0.

So basically, just because I'm at home I don't think the responsibility to feed him should automatically fall on me when he manages to feed himself just fine while I'm at work.

If your partners parent passes away

And you and that parent didn't get along are you still go to the funeral?

Not my situation!

Partner no longer wants baby #2

Before our son was born we originally both wanted minimum 2 kids but we were hoping for 3-4. My partner found the birth traumatic to watch and also struggled a lot with the newborn/baby stage. He no longer wants to have any more children and it’s completely breaking my heart. I need another baby. We’ve spoken about it a lot and the options. He said he wasn’t COMPLETELY closed off to it so I asked him to try and work through his feelings and reconsider his decision. He eventually said he definitely doesn’t want another. I know that I will always want one and my feelings will never change. Do we have to break up or does anyone know anything else I can do to help change his mind? Has anyone else’s partner said this and then changed their mind? I don’t want to break up because I adore him and our life together and I’d hate to split up our family for “selfish” reasons and make my son miss out on having both of us together but I just don’t know what to do

Nursery funding

My child turned 9 months last week. I applied for government funded hours nearly 2 months ago and so well within the required timeframe for the April term, however upon receiving my first invoice without the funding applied and having questioned this, I have now been informed that the stretched funding doesn’t start until 4th May.

Has anyone else been told it won’t start until May?

The government site states it should start from April 1st, and so I intentionally set my nursery start and return to work as the start of April for that reason, knowing that I wouldn’t be able to afford the nursery on my sole income without the funding