Mamas with depression, anxiety, and other mental health disorders

I don't want my mother around and I'm stressing / crying over it. What would you do??

I'm pregnant with my 2nd and she has been insisting on flying over to us to help me. I thought she was being genuine because she did not help me the first time and was not there for the birth and after birth of my first. I thought she felt bad and want to make up for it so I accepted her help.
But the past 2 months, since waiting for her to fly over we have been fighting a lot (over text and calls).
Her family members have treated me really badly and she wont do anything about it aside from gaslighting me that it's all in my head. Which lead to us fighting about how she was when I was pregnant second time. I thought we went past it but she still argued with me how she did nothing wrong.
As I have been crying day and night my husband got so concerned and decided to have a chat with my mum which ended up in a fight.

My mum made so many excuses not to fly over so I told her "dont come then". She then accused me of depriving her of her grandchildren (which is her fault).
We continue to fight so I told her again not to come. I ofdrred to refund her the money for her flight.

She's not responding and we haven't spoken in a week.

Now it's the day before her supposed flight here and I dont know what's happening.

If she turns up, my husband has to leave and live with his friend 2 hours away as we are renting a room in someone else's property. There's no room for her.

I told her if she comes she'll have to stay with her other daughter or not come at all.

Help I don't know what to do. I'm pregnant, in pain and stressed.

Read more on Peanut

The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.

Learn more about our guidelines.

Add a comment

I see no major issue here… you don’t want someone around ? Tell them. Period.

Stand your ground, especially if you told her NOT to come prior to the date of.

No need to stress out. Just breath!.
If u told her not to come and she's going to do it ( actually do it) and u told her if she comes she has to stay at her other child's home.
That to me is clear. She shows up it will be for a visit not a stay over.

Your mom is toxic and needs to be cut out of your life. She's adding unwanted stress and you don't need that. Plz breathe, meditate and tell her you don't want or need her around and that's it. Then cut out all contact. People in my children's lives are there because they deserve it. I've cut so many people out of my life and am so much happier and much more at peace.

I've told her "cancel your flight. I'll refund you the money" "I dont want you here" "dont come" "If you still haven't cancelled your flight, go to your other daughter".
She argued back everytime except for the last message I told her not to come, she hasn't responded. So I'm worried about what I'll do if she decides to turn up.

I agree. I'm just worried that she'll be so stubborn

Don't stress yourself 💕 you already communicated clearly about not wanting her to come. If she goes against your wishes her other daughter will have to deal with her logistics and it does not make sense for your husband to leave. He is the children's father and has every right to be there, why should he be forced out 2 hours away.?that is not logical

so true we need to normalise this

exactly think that's what I'm crying over

Ladies help, my mother turned up unannounced and shes been nothing but drama. She's caused me to cry, scream and shout and thus my toddler crying too. My husband tried speaking to her and shes being stubborn. At midnight, she knocked on the bedroom door of the landlady and dragged her into the argument. We're asking her to leave and shes refusing. We spent all night trying to get her leave and she's being stubborn. My husband is now saying that we will leave instead and find somewhere else to live. I'm stressed and scared.

Call the cops if she doesn't want to leave.

in our community

Is this clever or cruel?

My husband and i were talking and with social media and the internet in general being a terrifying dumpster fire, we are trying to figure out the best way to keep our son safe while still teaching him how to safely be online and moderation.

We landed on the idea of giving him the 90's kid treatment. A computer in the living room for us to keep an eye on what hes doing online, and once we feel hes mature enough to hang with friends without adult supervision he gets a flip phone. When we feel he is responsible enough and he earns and saves up the money for the physical phone, case, and screen cover, then we will be happy to take him to get a smart phone.

I thought this was air tight, but now my brother says its cruel to give a kid a flip phone, and besides he can just use his friends phones at school.

My husband and i remember a time before the internet, and we remember having complete access to something no one understood yet. We saw unspeakable things and are always battling with the urge to put the phone and social media down. I dont want that for my son, especially with his brain so vulnerable still.

Partner no longer wants baby #2

Before our son was born we originally both wanted minimum 2 kids but we were hoping for 3-4. My partner found the birth traumatic to watch and also struggled a lot with the newborn/baby stage. He no longer wants to have any more children and it’s completely breaking my heart. I need another baby. We’ve spoken about it a lot and the options. He said he wasn’t COMPLETELY closed off to it so I asked him to try and work through his feelings and reconsider his decision. He eventually said he definitely doesn’t want another. I know that I will always want one and my feelings will never change. Do we have to break up or does anyone know anything else I can do to help change his mind? Has anyone else’s partner said this and then changed their mind? I don’t want to break up because I adore him and our life together and I’d hate to split up our family for “selfish” reasons and make my son miss out on having both of us together but I just don’t know what to do

Nursery funding

My child turned 9 months last week. I applied for government funded hours nearly 2 months ago and so well within the required timeframe for the April term, however upon receiving my first invoice without the funding applied and having questioned this, I have now been informed that the stretched funding doesn’t start until 4th May.

Has anyone else been told it won’t start until May?

The government site states it should start from April 1st, and so I intentionally set my nursery start and return to work as the start of April for that reason, knowing that I wouldn’t be able to afford the nursery on my sole income without the funding

Jealous of my husband

I’m so jealous of him and it’s making me resentful. We have a ten week old and I’m jealous that he is at work all day. I’m jealous he can leave for lunch and actually eat an uninterrupted lunch. Take a phone call uninterrupted. Chat with a friend he runs in to uninterrupted. Even go to the bathroom when he wants uninterrupted. He comes home from work when he wants. He’s not on a set schedule. Some days are late some are early. It depends on when he’s done. I’m jealous he can come home at 10pm and shower, eat and go right to bed uninterrupted because I already have the baby asleep. He doesn’t have to worry about anything house wise or baby wise because I’ve done it all. Meanwhile I’m covered in puke and crap and smell like rotten milk. When he is home he is VERY active and helpful. So it’s not that. I’m just jealous his world hasn’t changed and mine has I guess. This isn’t something he’s doing wrong so I’m not sure how to get past this. I wish I could keep him home all day because that’s how helpful he is, but I understand he obv needs to work.

NHS job

Anyone work for the NHS and does 12 hour shifts? How do you work around childcare and your partners job?

Toddlers

How often are your toddlers asking for food? My oldest who is 3 just finished a whole plate of food and not even 10 minutes later he’s requesting more food. I know he’s going through a growth spurt, but how do you respond to this.