Husband wants 2nd wife?

My husband and I have an open marriage. We date together and have had a couple different girlfriends. I wish we could find another lady who we could take seriously enough to call a second wife. I get it isn't for everyone. I hope you guys can work it out (:

I’m with you!! I’d be sooo hurt too!! No advice sorry!!!

You need to have a deep conversation with him and tell him it’s a non negotiable topic. That if he really wants another wife, that means your relationship will end. I would make sure that I would be able to support my children without him and lookup anything that could help in being a single mother; as a backup. I know it sucks to have a backup, but some people agree and then decide to change their mind out of nowhere and it’s best to be prepared.

It sounds like a difficult situation and I’m sorry you’re in it. It sounds like there are a couple of things at play - his desire for another wife and your concerns over money. Additionally, from what I understand about men when they become fathers, and since he has said he would still take a second wife even if you did capitulate on the third child, I get the impression he wants another woman so that he’s receiving more attentions again (getting that newly wed buzz and focus).

I’ve also had an open marriage but we closed it down a few years ago as we found it wasn’t adding anything, merely diluting our time and love, and financial resources.

I guess I have a few questions - if he did have a second wife, how Would he finance this or would she financially contribute too? Would you want to/he be accepting of you also seeing other people? Was the option of polygamy on the table when you marriage, had you discussed it before and made a mutual decision?

I actually think I’d prefer an open marriage to polygamy. When I ask him how he’d feel if I dated other men, or had a second husband, he says he wouldn’t be with me.

I’m so confused right now. I have so much on my mind. I feel like I have a lot to think about

Oh yeah, I'm not interested in seeing other men lol so it's just ladies(: but if i wanted to, i know he would not allow it.

Yes some countries they can have more than 1 wife but only if the first wife agrees. Since you don’t agree he should stop thinking about that

we have had multiple conversations, this wasn’t the first time. I e told him it’s a none negotiable for me. I’ve told him if he decides to do it, I’m out but he says he doesn’t want to lose me. It’s like he doesn’t understand why I can’t just agree to it. I’m about to go back to school and I’m like 11/2 years I will be making enough money to support my kids and myself.

@Margarita he says if he gets a second wife she will be working too. So 3 incomes, he makes it sound good. He doesn’t want me seeing other people. And this conversation didn’t come up before we got married, if it didn’t I wouldn’t have gotten married honestly. He says he started having those thoughts after we got married, which made me feel even worse

Think I’d be leaving him. If he thinks he wants someone else then that would be it for me.

Really hope you find some peace and work out what is best for you and your kids- he sounds like an ass!

exactly! So am I just supposed to hang in there until that day comes? Like am I just holding the spot for the next woman? 🤦🏾‍♀️

You’ve answered your own question, it’s a none negotiable topic for you. The fact he won’t respect that and is still bringing it up shows he has zero respect for your feelings towards the topic.
As it wasn’t something discussed and agreed on before marriage, I would be out of there.
You deserve someone who loves and respects you enough to not want to be with another woman. You deserve someone who you and you alone are their whole world and they wouldn’t want to even look at another woman.
I can’t imagine the pain you’re experiencing.


Those of you who do have open marriages, you do you! No judgment here, if it’s what you both want, go for it.

yea I believe I would have to agree, but I don’t want to feel like I’m forcing him to be with me just because I refuse

Honestly I'd leave him. That's disgusting. And if he thinks it's ok for him to have a 2nd wife but not you to have a 2nd husband then its misogynistic. An open marriage by mutual consent is one thing but trying to get your wife to accept a 2nd wife 🤮

thank you 🙏🏾 yea I’m trying to come up with a plan so that when I do leave my kids and I will be comfortable

it hurts but I will be fine. I just need to work through some things and get my kids and me in a good place. It’s funny coz he doesn’t see it that way. He sees it like he’s being open and honest with me and I’m making him feel bad for it

yea I agree!

I find it weird that he can have a second wife, but you can’t be with anyone else??? I would tell him that he needs too choose between both of you having a closed relationship or you get divorced if he brings it up again. I hope you have family or friends that are reliable to help you through this.

He's hypocritical he can't expect you to be cool with him being with others if he would leave you for being with others eff that.

He's hypocritical he can't expect you to be cool with him being with others if he would leave you for being with others eff that.

If he comes from a country that allows polygamy, chances are they also have to have permission thru the first wife. Also, this country doesn’t allow polygamy - which I’m sure you know. Also, he is suppose to be fully responsible for both wives and the children. If he is already struggling then he is unable to satisfy those requirements. I understand that this puts a lot of questions in your mind about your marriage. But, at least try to see it that he is open and honest with you. And that this is just the “norm” for him. It’s not that you are not enough (sounds ridiculous, I know). But the point that he says he would want another wife even if you have everything he wants proves that it’s not due to you.
Just out of curiosity… do you happen to talk about this before marriage?

With all honesty if you knew he comes from a country polygamy is allowed you should of had this discussion before marriage and put your foot down about him even thinking about another wife! 🤷🏽‍♀️

If he can't support you, he can't support a second. He's an idiot.

so yea in his country it’s allowed but the first wife has to agree and it’s not the majority of people there that are polygamous. It’s actually the minority. Even his own family no one is polygamous. His own parents are not. So to me it’s like he’s using the fact that it’s legal where he’s from to make it okay

Of course he makes it sound good, it’s something he wants so he wants it to appear favourable but, to be practical, it needs looking at from every angle because leaving him if he does this is going to be a huge shift for you.

Such as, how would the finances be divided given you have 2 children? How would weekends and holidays work? Would he and wife2 have set nights/time together? How would he provide you with time to yourself in this arrangement. Would you want wife2 to be involved in raising your children?

The other, very important question to ask is, what do you want? And what will you compromises se to get that? Because, if when you discuss it what he wants is a few months of fiery passion with another woman, would you give him that? Or, if he sticks to this wife2 idea, will you consider divorce?

I didn’t because I didn’t think it was something that he would ever consider. He should have said something too before we got married but now we are here 🤷🏿‍♀️

I’ve told him that but he believes he will be extremely rich one day, or the second wife can work too

I understand what you are saying. What I meant by norm is that it is normal, rather then meaning majority. As in that when ppl do it, all tho rare, it is shrugged off rather then considered outrageous.
If he is using that it is legal in ‘his’ country, then you should be able to use that it isn’t legal here. It doesn’t seem like a big deal until he can’t get her insurance, and he can’t go in to see her if she ends up in the hospital - bc he wouldn’t be considered relative or spouse. It will be the same for when he is in the hospital. And other things as well.I also asked about if you talked before marriage bc I would hope this is something that would be decided before you hand. Just like having children. You don’t wait for the other to bring it up. anyway, I do wish you the best.

oh ok. No we didn’t talk about it before marriage. I didn’t even know that it was something we should have discussed coz he didn’t ever mention it while we were dating. So I feel like he caught me off guard. I’ve told him it’s not for me. I don’t judge anyone that does it but I wouldn’t. He can’t do it here tho legally but he can definitely go to his country and marry another wife. Either way, I won’t be a part of it. Thank you 🙏🏾

Have you asked him why he wants another marriage? What is lacking in this marriage? Not in a rude way, if you are struggling financially how is he going afford another family and household.

Good for you. You should stick to your guns. I just hope you can get past this whatever the outcome

was going to say the same thing… if he wants a second wife…the lady posting the question should be able to have a second “someone”

I have asked him, his first response was he wants more kids. We have 2 girls, he wants a boy. Then I asked him would he still want another wife if I had a boy and he said yes. Then he says it’s just something in him that desires that. I’ve given him the opportunity to say if there’s something lacking in our marriage but he hasn’t. He even says it may help me if there’s someone else to take the load off me…honestly I don’t even know anymore

Absolutely not.. she's going to be busy with her own household. It's almost like without cheating he wants to have a second wife to sleep in bed. Stick to your guns and tell him; if he dares to get married again he still will only have one wife as you will no longer be married to him or have anything to do with him. He will only be the father to your daughters. When they grow up they may even dislike him for leaving their mum just because he wants a second bed

If you would like to speak to someone pls do not hesitate to message me x

I haven’t given the thought of a second wife in the picture a chance. For me I just don’t see myself in that situation. Where I have to share my husband with someone else. So if he decided to get a second wife then yea I would divorce him. I know it won’t be easy but I honestly would rather be single and raise my kids than be in that situation. Once I’m done with school I will probably be making more than him anyway. I deserve someone who is all about me and I know I can get that

Right! That’s how it feels. Like he just wants to cheat and it be ok. Yea I’ve told him if he decides to get a second wife he better look for 2 coz I’m not gonna be one of them.

thank you 😊

I’m feeling that way right now. And it’s made me focus on bettering myself and not put too much energy into our marriage coz it literally could end at any time

Good on you.. there's no guarantee that he will marry again and that wife will give him a girl.

Honesty is better than him going off and cheating but he should respect that no means no.
To me, damage would already be done by him simply wanting another woman

I thought you had to be rich to have more than one wife, and you need to provide equally to each one. Also, I thought that doesn't happen anymore in modern civilized societies. Gosh

Im wondering how to find someone who would be interested in being the second wife in the house 🙄

I’m so confused, if he was to get a second wife, will she be moving into the family home? Is that what he means? Or will she have her own house?

A second husband, to make more money, would actually take the load off 😂 just turning their argument against someone to show what they sound like is my greatest joy in life.

I would sooner jump into lava than stay married to Broke 2nd Wife Guy.

This Is a culture thing. Sticky Waters.

apparently in his country there’s plenty

I have no idea how it would work