Sex and Relationships with Railey Molinario

I need Advice

So me and my boyfriend have been together for over six years now we currently have a three week old baby. We have been having a lot of issues in regards to family visiting baby. Last night we had a fight and the fight led to him, pushing me against the wall, with his hand wrapped around my neck. And the scariest part is that I was holding the baby in my arms while this was happening .. Thankfully, he let go and nothing else happened but it was so scary. He has never done this before and I will also add he was drunk at this time. I was so scared and nervous. I didn’t know what to do so I called his parents who quickly came by to help. I ended up telling my sister and ended up staying at her house for the night. The next day he messaged me and told me he can’t believe what happened and he doesn’t remember any of it and it hurts because we just recently started this little family. I told him to leave the house. What do you think I should do? Should I give it another try or should I go ahead and walk away?

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In my opinion he should stop drinking and talk with him about what happened. Make him to feel sorry about it and make him to promise you that he will stop drinking or even if he doesn't stop he can have maybe a drink occasionally but not to get drunk! I'm saying this because you said it happened only once... I don't think you should walk away
This is just my opinion but you are the only one who knows him the best and how is he acting when he is angry

If he's never shown you this side of him before, it could definitely just be a one-off... I agree with Cristina ^
You're both going through a lot with just having a baby.
Me and my partner have argued a lot about little things, and before the baby, we never did. (Been a lot of crap with his family, too)
I feel if my partner had alcohol he would show me a side that probably would scare me, but I think that's why (plus other reasons) that he doesn't drink.

Pretty much this exact thing happened to me while I was 8 months pregnant & our 2 year old had to see it. He was also drunk. I called my parents & stayed with them but my sister also came over to stay with me so I wouldn't be alone. I struggled with what to do as well because you don't want it to ever happen again, of course.

Not saying I did everything right, but this is what I did

I cried. A lot. I would go outside & sit, breathe & cry. I feel like it helped me be more clear afterward. I found out information on housing for single mothers, got the information printed for easy access, I searched for housing options & made peace with the idea that it might be the best thing for both my kids.
I did NOT contact him or reply to any of his messages or phone calls for a week for space & to make sure it was firm & clear to him that was NOT okay.
After a week I met him at the park for 2 year old to play with him. I stayed at the car watching but didn't want to be near him (he's a great dad). After a few more days

I wrote a list of things that I wanted to change in order for me to even THINK about being near him again. At the top of the list was "Quit drinking."

He agreed to my list & so I agreed to give him another chance on those very clear boundaries. He did choose to stop drinking even though he was an alcoholic, he did choose to help me around the house, he chose to have 1 on 1 time with our 2 year old more, he chose to start trying to do little nice things for me which wasn't on my list. We are now married & more in love than ever.

All this to say, if he /wants/ to change, he will choose to. But if he doesn't want to give up alcohol or anything else you need for the relationship to continue, definitely would not recommend going back.

What kept rolling around in my head was "it can only get worse from this point". In my case I'm so glad that has been wrong but I know I'm very lucky.

I hope this can help maybe, I hope you feel better soon. You are so strong & you do not deserve that. Much love to you 🤍

Sorry to hear you're going through this! Ultimately its up to you what you decide to do but I think him leaving the house (even if only temporarily) is a good idea for now. I think if you're serious about forgiving him, he needs to show you he's making a serious effort to get help, i.e. Counselling, stop drinking, anger management. Just remember that you and the baby are what's most important right now and if you have any doubt he could do this again then he shouldn't be around until he's got the help he needs xx

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I've finally done it

I have finally done it. I have finally become the trope, the stereotype.

I have become bitter, resentful, and very overwhelmed and overloaded. I am very unhappy and hit burnout. And I snapped at my husband last night. I work full-time, and work has been very busy so im working late a lot. Im also in grad school. I also have a toddler that has become VERY clingy with me. My husband works shorter days but commutes, so he usually gets home after me by an hour or more. When he gets home, he usually heads to the restroom for at least 30 mins when he gets home. And now my toddler doesnt want anything to do with him. So im doing all the toddler duties until bed. I dont get 5 mins to myself. Not for almost 2 years. I finally hit my wall. I have also, somehow, become my MILs medical ride service and she somehow has an appt every week, it seems?! Shes not sick!! My husband was complaining that he needs to change routine to fit in a workout sometimes, and I lost it. I have been BEGGING for 5 mins to myself for months. I have been telling him how im not good, im going to burn out for months. And between his attitude and him complaining (which really got me b/c he blames me for not being able to work out?! Saying I need help when he gets home so he just cant workout now) I just lost it completely. I told him how unfair my life has become and I have the entire mental and emotional load and it is just not fair. He got mad at me and said "hes trying" when hes literally not trying at all. What do I do?? No one is taking the load from me! And im done and dont know what to do now.
I do not like this version of me.

AITA?

This isn't a major issue, just wondering if I'm being a bit of an asshole.

• I do shift work, 5 out of 7 days, full-time.
• My partner works from home (mostly, sometimes he goes into the office) M-F, full-time.

Anyway, whenever I have a day off during the week he gets in his feelings when I make myself food (breakfast and lunch) but not him. His reason is he's working, I'm not - Which is fair but I've asked him how many times on a weekend has he gotten up, on his day off and made me breakfast and a lunch to take with me to work? You guessed it, 0.

So basically, just because I'm at home I don't think the responsibility to feed him should automatically fall on me when he manages to feed himself just fine while I'm at work.

If your partners parent passes away

And you and that parent didn't get along are you still go to the funeral?

Not my situation!

Is this clever or cruel?

My husband and i were talking and with social media and the internet in general being a terrifying dumpster fire, we are trying to figure out the best way to keep our son safe while still teaching him how to safely be online and moderation.

We landed on the idea of giving him the 90's kid treatment. A computer in the living room for us to keep an eye on what hes doing online, and once we feel hes mature enough to hang with friends without adult supervision he gets a flip phone. When we feel he is responsible enough and he earns and saves up the money for the physical phone, case, and screen cover, then we will be happy to take him to get a smart phone.

I thought this was air tight, but now my brother says its cruel to give a kid a flip phone, and besides he can just use his friends phones at school.

My husband and i remember a time before the internet, and we remember having complete access to something no one understood yet. We saw unspeakable things and are always battling with the urge to put the phone and social media down. I dont want that for my son, especially with his brain so vulnerable still.

Big vent!

Hi mums.
I'm a first time mum in my 40s to twin boys.They are almost 5 months old and the biggest miracle in my life!
I am struggling!!!
I'm pretty sure I have ppa as my pregnancy was a very high risk and all I remember was crying from anxiety of all the ifs!Thankfully even born at 35 weeks and skinny,didn't need iu time.
My husband is not helping much because he's always too busy with work.He will "look" after them usually between 8pm-12am so I can have a chance to sleep.
He expects me to just sleep when I touch the pillow,even though I hear tje babies crying and him don't really bother because most of the times he'll be on his laptop working.
When I tell him I can't relax to fall asleep because I feel you r neglecting the babies,he says I'm the problem becauae I'm always there with them and don't give them alone time!!
I am angry!!I am furious!!
I can't keep.up.with housework becauae someone alwaya neess me and most of the times they nap I either cook and clean tje kitchen,do laundry or try and take a quick nap.
He doesn't help.around the house,becauae..guess what?always super busy.
I asked him nicely we could clean the house together every Saturday morning so it's easier and quicker for both of us and he said no,because he has a lot of work but probably wants to sleep until 12 or 2.
2 days ago a button of his coat ripped and I told him I'll sew it these days.
Earlier this morning while running late for his work,as always,he weara the coat and told him didn't get the chance to fix the button and sarcastically said..of.course u didn't!!!
I spent all night awake because one of the babies had congested nose and we've been trying to reduce one fees at night.
I wanted to punch him!!He left and I started crying...I cry so much,even at 5 months pp...
I can't go on like this anymoreeeee...
The crying in my ears is constant..my head is always numb..I've gained so much weight and can't find the strength to get back on track..
Even if I try to.find a therapist to just talk,is it gonna help?I really don't know😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Avoidant husband

I love my husband and he is a good man. We have some issues in our relationship however, as he has an avoidant attachment style (finds romance/intimacy/being emotional difficult). This comes from him having to be independent from a young age and having quite an abusive mother.
The issues in our relationship are mainly around a lack of sex and intimacy. I think the problem is that to feel turned on, I need to feel connected and wanted. My husband (being avoidant) will usually make jokes about being horny whereas I would want to have someone make me feel beautiful/sexy to get in the mood.
It sounds terrible but I've sometimes had dreams about exes that would make me feel this way, and the romance we had (eye contact, intensity, deep words). It makes me feel really guilty but I feel like i'm starved of that. My husband would like a lot more sex but I can't always force myself if I'm not feeling it.
We've spoken a bit about therapy but I know its often really expensive so we probably wouldn't be able to afford it. Do you have any suggestions please? I know that neither of us are wrong in what we want, just different but I'm scared about whether we can fix it or if we're doomed?