Husband not visitng our son while we are seperate

So I decided to move back in with my parents recently after literal mental abuse from my husband.its really been awful and I guess I stuck around thinking it was best for my 1 year old (currently.37 weeks pregnant too). But it got too much and he isnt really a great dad (wasnt financially providing for either of us at all, did not look after him bit he did have times of play with him which I know my son loved). Anyway its been almost 2 weeks and he hasnt visited him. My parents work all day and I would have gone into a seperate room. I just dont get how he can be ok with being away from him. Like I've known for a while that the guys doesnt love or care about me but seeing my that with my baby is awful and really hurts. He seen his video on my.phone and his face lit up and he was saying dadda and it just made me feel awful.
I know I made the right decision as he needs to change. The way he was acting wass not healthy for any of us but wow its just such a shit feeling.

Read more on Peanut

The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.

Learn more about our guidelines.

Add a comment

Sorry to hear you are going through this please feel free to message me to talk 💕

I understand this I haven’t left yet but considering it and he agrees , he works but treats me like my job is nothing & doesn’t make near enough cuz he spends it on stupid things and helping his cousin never about us and didn’t care about staying to help set up her bday and as well as fighting with me on my bday and made it horrible ! Not comparing just relating to you with what I do ! It’s not fair when they dada it’s sad for us and them cuz they just don’t know ! Message me whenever I’m here to support ❤️

So sad to hear your story but it's nice to not feel alone and reading the other comments. My husband is the same. Emotionally, verbally and financially abusive, very controlling. It's sad for your little one, but maybe it's a good thing. He sounds like an awful male figure for your son to look up to. If you do decide to move on maybe you'll meet someone who really does want to be in your son's life and can give him that positive attention and be a role model. Until then try to find other great male influences to fill that void for your son, maybe your dad or if you have a brother or close male friend. Sending love, it's a devastating thing.

It insane to think these are the men we've had kids with. My son actually hasnt even called for him, its only today when he saw his video

yeah I developed a fear of thinking my son could turn out to be like him so I do still think I have done the right thing. My son loves my dad and my two younger brothers, hes loved staying with them and has a really nice relationship with them

One thing I suggest is don’t take his absence as a sign he’ll never come after you. Get something on paper asap so you aren’t served later on with him trying to get custody. Also I hope you filed for child support. All the love mama.

thank you, i have spoken to someone about this as I dont see any good coming from him in the future, so I need to legally protect us both

in our community

Is this clever or cruel?

My husband and i were talking and with social media and the internet in general being a terrifying dumpster fire, we are trying to figure out the best way to keep our son safe while still teaching him how to safely be online and moderation.

We landed on the idea of giving him the 90's kid treatment. A computer in the living room for us to keep an eye on what hes doing online, and once we feel hes mature enough to hang with friends without adult supervision he gets a flip phone. When we feel he is responsible enough and he earns and saves up the money for the physical phone, case, and screen cover, then we will be happy to take him to get a smart phone.

I thought this was air tight, but now my brother says its cruel to give a kid a flip phone, and besides he can just use his friends phones at school.

My husband and i remember a time before the internet, and we remember having complete access to something no one understood yet. We saw unspeakable things and are always battling with the urge to put the phone and social media down. I dont want that for my son, especially with his brain so vulnerable still.

If your partners parent passes away

And you and that parent didn't get along are you still go to the funeral?

Not my situation!

Partner no longer wants baby #2

Before our son was born we originally both wanted minimum 2 kids but we were hoping for 3-4. My partner found the birth traumatic to watch and also struggled a lot with the newborn/baby stage. He no longer wants to have any more children and it’s completely breaking my heart. I need another baby. We’ve spoken about it a lot and the options. He said he wasn’t COMPLETELY closed off to it so I asked him to try and work through his feelings and reconsider his decision. He eventually said he definitely doesn’t want another. I know that I will always want one and my feelings will never change. Do we have to break up or does anyone know anything else I can do to help change his mind? Has anyone else’s partner said this and then changed their mind? I don’t want to break up because I adore him and our life together and I’d hate to split up our family for “selfish” reasons and make my son miss out on having both of us together but I just don’t know what to do

Nursery funding

My child turned 9 months last week. I applied for government funded hours nearly 2 months ago and so well within the required timeframe for the April term, however upon receiving my first invoice without the funding applied and having questioned this, I have now been informed that the stretched funding doesn’t start until 4th May.

Has anyone else been told it won’t start until May?

The government site states it should start from April 1st, and so I intentionally set my nursery start and return to work as the start of April for that reason, knowing that I wouldn’t be able to afford the nursery on my sole income without the funding

Jealous of my husband

I’m so jealous of him and it’s making me resentful. We have a ten week old and I’m jealous that he is at work all day. I’m jealous he can leave for lunch and actually eat an uninterrupted lunch. Take a phone call uninterrupted. Chat with a friend he runs in to uninterrupted. Even go to the bathroom when he wants uninterrupted. He comes home from work when he wants. He’s not on a set schedule. Some days are late some are early. It depends on when he’s done. I’m jealous he can come home at 10pm and shower, eat and go right to bed uninterrupted because I already have the baby asleep. He doesn’t have to worry about anything house wise or baby wise because I’ve done it all. Meanwhile I’m covered in puke and crap and smell like rotten milk. When he is home he is VERY active and helpful. So it’s not that. I’m just jealous his world hasn’t changed and mine has I guess. This isn’t something he’s doing wrong so I’m not sure how to get past this. I wish I could keep him home all day because that’s how helpful he is, but I understand he obv needs to work.

Calpol

My mum has just given my 4 year old calpol because he asked for it. He isn’t poorly (although was last week, been fine this week) he just likes the taste of it. My mum didn’t check, didn’t ask, just gave it to him and when I’ve questioned her she said “he asked for it”. Then quizzed 4 year old who said he asked for it because it tastes nice.

How would you react?