Mother in law wanting to stay when we have baby

No. I’m having no guests for two weeks, and his family live in the same village. My mum would have to stay if she came and that is an absolutely NO way from me xxx

It's really stressing me out

When I had my little one, we didn't let anyone come see us until we had been home for about 3-4weeks, it may have been more than that. And since it sounds like your overwhelmed with MIL. Do what's best for you. You will being going through alot of emotions, lack of sleep and your body will be going through hormones all over the place. I honestly be setting very firm boundaries. If she does want to see baby and you guys, she should be given time limits, and you guys should say that you need them to ask before turning up. But definitely they need to organise their own space to stay.

@Sarah I just want to cry all the time over the thought of it

Sorry but no, your the one who has given birth and why would you want people in your house (especially if you don’t get on) when your body is recovering! You also want that time to spend as a family and get used to everything it’s a massive life change, never mind with your hormones etc. Your husband should understand and he should be the one to tell his parents. My MIL lives in Lanzarote (we get on) but I needed a week before she flew over to stay with us (only for 3 days) and that was still hard for me after a c section, I originally wanted her to wait 2 weeks before coming but I got guilt tripped and agreed for her to come after a week, my husband was the one to tell his mum I needed a week to recover etc. it was actually nice her coming and helping look after our daughter so we could get some much needed sleep. I think it would be different if we didn’t get on so well though 😂 I love his mum to bits and she doesn’t interfere with us. If it was another story I wouldn’t have her

Stopping though so I understand your concerns. You don’t need this extra stress and worry when being pregnant and having a baby is stressful enough, also you don’t know what your birth is going to be like, I ended up having a c section which was not planned so I could barely walk at home, they need to back off 😂 I’m getting annoyed for you because I felt the exact same and worrying about visitors wanting to come over straight away x

I would not have anyone stay over during that time as there is a lot going on plus you’re in a vulnerable state just after birth but I wouldn’t ban anyone visiting for several weeks. I would just stick to your guns about them staying in a hotel locally for a few nights so they can pop in and visit or you can meet them in the park or something with the baby. Your husband can even take the baby for a bit and give you a rest whilst spending some time with his parents. These little things I never even imagined I would want but once the baby was here, it was nice if he took him to his parents house for a couple of hours or out for a walk in the pram so I could rest up.

Also, later down the line you may need family support for childcare or just when you need a break (trust me you’ll need one!) and if you push parents away in the beginning, you don’t want bad feelings later on when you ask for their help x

Think it’s really selfish of her to just expect she can stay round when you’re going to be a new mum freshly postpartum with your newborn. What you need is time to heal and recover and bond with your baby not worrying about being a host for your in laws. They should find an air bnb or hotel or something else! Please tell your partner how you are feeling and make sure he listens

I'd tell her she was welcome to stay...IF she was willing to HELP. And "helping" does not involve holding the baby unless you specifically ask her to. She'd need to plan on cooking, laundry, and cleaning. And if that didn't work out for her, she'd need to find somewhere else to stay.

Nope nope nope. If they're going to stay then they need to help not just coo over the baby. You need time and space to heal and get used to having an extra person. The only reason I had my MIL stay is because we needed someone to help around the house and we also invited her to the birth. If its not necessary for them to be at yours then they need to make other arrangements. It's not like you're stopping them from seeing your baby so i don't get the issue of staying in a different location to your home

@Sarah she can't be bothered to do her own so probably isn't going to offer to help to do ours 🤣.

Your husband really needs to hear from another woman who has given birth before, about how much time postpartum they spent crying and topless and how emotional and raw it all is.

I was very snippy with my husband and my dad who would pop over to help- did not stay over except to help with night feeds when asked.

If you and your MIL don’t get on, it’s going to be so unbelievably stressful for you! You will be crying and getting upset over such small things and you have no control over it. If he is not prepared to completely intervene and stand up for you to them with anything, they do not belong in your postpartum space

I would suggest a b&b while you are recovering and maybe say if they want to come down at a later date or spring/summer then they are more than welcome to stay at yours for a few days (if that’s what you want to do).

This is first time of many where you will need to speak up for yourself and baby. Learning to be strong in your convictions isn’t easy but you got to for the sake of your own mental health especially while post partum. Stop caring about everyone else’s feelings. Decide what you want and ensure your partner supports you fully in it no matter what.