Long-distance teenage step-son & pregnancy

So my husband and I got married a year and a half ago and he has a son from a previous marriage who lives long distance (15.5 years old). SS stays with us one week in fall, four to six weeks in summer, and a week in spring. When he was here this summer, we told him about pregnancy (which I felt we gave plenty of warning for by asking how he felt if we had kids and talking about that possibility every time we see him). When we announced, he sobbed for 15 minutes straight and then once we got to dinner destination, he acted like nothing ever happened. I tried not to take it personally, but he made comments like the baby wouldn’t be allowed in basement until age 10 (ummm when he’s 26…) and such. It hurt my feelings, but I let it go. He’s coming to visit again this fall when I’ll be 8 months pregnant and I’m a little stressed. Additionally, my mother is appalled that he won’t be at the baby shower - but there is nothing to indicate he would actually want to be there and hasn’t shown any interest or support related to his new sibling. He has two younger siblings by his mom and he doesn’t even know how old they are when I ask (and I ask about them every time he visits). Anyone have advice on how to handle this emotionally on my side? I’m concerned about feeling pressured to include him (example in family photos with my first baby) but he lives many states away and that’s not really reasonable. It makes me feel awful that my mom thinks I don’t embrace and love him - I try and I definitely treat him with kindness and respect when he’s here, but it also is a difficult situation for me. I don’t want him to visit while I’m on maternity leave and would rather he come afterwards and my mom also gave me a hard time for that. Am I the asshole?

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He absolutely should be allowed to be visit while you’re on maternity. I’m sure he feels isolated from your guys family only seeing you 4-8 weeks a year and saying he can’t come after the baby is born is taking away the little time your husband and him have together and he is going to take that as him being replaced and not wanted there. Just because he doesn’t seem interested in younger siblings doesn’t mean he should be isolated from them. He’s a teenager dealing with something stressful and confusing and you can’t take his actions or words too personally. How much he chooses to be involved is on him but it is yours and your husband’s responsibility to give him every chance to be involved. Ask him if he wants to come to the shower, he probably won’t. I don’t know any teenage boys that would want to go to a baby shower. If you guys don’t leave that door open for him to be involved in yours and the new babies life he will never change his attitude about you or the baby and it will

Probably only get worse. Don’t take his lack of interest personally, I know it’s easier said than done. No matter how much he rejects you or the baby if you ever want him to accept you both then you cannot further isolate him.

To clarify, he usually doesn’t visit until March - I was just suggesting postponing it by a month or so. Not excluding him completely - it just doesn’t seem fair to have it be my responsibility to care for him when I’m home with the new baby. My intention certainly wasn’t to exclude - also he’s always been long distance - it’s not like we just moved away suddenly or their divorce was recent. His parents have been separated since he was one year old, so it’s all he’s ever known.

I have teenager step kids and 2 bio kids with my husband.. I would say that changing the normal pattern and visits because you don't want to be responsible for caring for the baby and your SS gives me pause.
I have always believed if you marry a person with kids those kids become a part of the family you are going to build together. Therefore if when they are with you you try and treat them like your own and care for them without it feeling like an extra chore.
During both my pregnancies we included the kids as much as we could and reenforced that they are all siblings period. They are all in family photos when they come to my family events they are treated like my kids no matter what type of attitude they have.
Our 16yr boy is standoff ish hormones but he is very protective of his siblings when needed half or not. He has siblings with his mom and with us and there is no difference.
It seems like you treat him as a part time not really your responsibility person and that might be something he feels...

Which could explain why he is acting out.

I am with your mom and Hannah on this one you have to give him the options and keep his scheduled visits the same even during your maternity leave if this is ever going to be a blended family which again is what we sign up for when we marry people with kids.
Baby shower should be on the table, visits, family photos, etc. He is a part of your husband so to love your husband to me is to love him and include him and his feelings as if he was with you

He’s not “acting out” - he just had a bad reaction to the baby news and made his feelings clear that he didn’t prefer we have kids and wanted nothing to do with the baby. He’s a sweet kid who was just being honest. I’m not mad about it and he wasn’t being mean about it - just saying it hurt my feelings briefly. And it’s not like I would go get photos without him while he’s here but even if he came on regular schedule the baby would be 3 months old - can I not have photos without him? I feel a little misunderstood. I tried to explain the nuances, but I am not feeling very supported. I will try to reassess my POV. We also aren’t made of money and cannot afford indefinite flights for him to be involved in every little thing - the situation is more complicated than I think you all are appreciating.

If he isn't going to be there regularly when u take the photos don't delay them....time is precious and you deserve to capture your baby at whatever time u would like... time doesn't wait for anyone

It isn't gonna be fair to your child of you push all there moments aside to wait for a situation that is out your control...

Don't ever feel like an asshole..... everyone makes it seem like we have to put our feelings aside ... your feeling matter as well yes we knew what the situation was but that doesn't mean that we can't have boundaries and opinions

My partner has 2 older kids with his ex wife (m14, f13) and I was a bit anxious about telling them we were pregnant, we ended up sitting them down and asking how they would be feel about having a younger sibling, our daughter got very excited and our son just said he didn't care. I was kind of worried that they would be a bit detached or feel forgotten/left out once my son was born, but they both absolutely loved him and couldn't get enough of him. We did a gender reveal party that was mostly for them and they both really enjoyed it, my daughter was a bit disappointed she wouldn't be having a little sister and said a few things that made me worried she wouldn't like the baby, and our son started to get a little more excited. I made sure to show them all ultrasound pictures and got a video during our 20 week anatomy scan so they could see him moving around. 1/2

We get them every other week, so we had them stay with their mom for 2 weeks so we could learn some kind of schedule with the baby before we introduced the day to day struggles with our older kids to the new life with a baby and it helped quite a bit. Our kids loved being around our son and were so happy when they got to hold him.
I would try to include your SS as much as possible, or at least give him the opportunity to be included, share ultrasound photos, send short clips of baby kicks, ask him if he wants to come to the baby shower, and give it a chance once you've gotten used to life with a new baby to have him come visit, it's only a week, so if it's too much you only have to grin and bear it for a little while and then ask him if how he liked visiting with the new baby and if he'd like to come visit again sooner than scheduled, but don't be too worried if he isn't super thrilled at first, he's still getting used to life with a new baby too and not being an only child (on his dad's side now too) 2/2

in our community

Am I wrong for getting upset?

Long story short. My cousin made a group chat for bridesmaids and groomsman to plan out bachelorette party.
I sent one text about finding a sitter and my cousin texts me to stop saying stuff like that cause no one gives a shit? As if no one else is gonna mention their personal lives during planning a trip of 10 people?
I. Put the screenshots. I got so hurt I told her just count me out if the mention of my kid offends everyone.

Appropriate age to go out

I am the kind of person who struggles with being at home all day, not good for my mental health. I have a 1 month old and I am trying to start doing things with her. Like going ti the park, running errands. But people seem surprised and kind of judgy that I am out with the baby at her age. Is this wrong?

Having a bit of a sad day

I don’t know if I want advice or just to get it out a bit.
I had a bit of a rubbish Mother’s Day, and then today had a falling out with my mum.
Very long story short, me and my partner turn 30 this year and were thinking of taking a short trip (2-3 days max) just the two of us to celebrate. Our son will be 2 by then.
We had discussed leaving our son with our parents and them sort of splitting having him (eg. My mum has him one night and my boyfriend’s mum has him the other two nights, or whatever we collectively decide on). They are both happy to do this.

Yesterday my MIL was pushing my son’s pram and got distracted and pushed it off the pavement into the road, a car missed the pram by about 5 seconds. This upset me a lot.

Me and my partner discussed this later on and I said it worries me leaving our son with her in case she does something like that. We also discussed the fact that my mum pays very little attention to our son when she’s with him and is absolutely glued to her phone (looking at social media etc) so we might just take him on holiday with us.

Then this morning I had a chat with my mum and told her we would probably just take our son away with us. She asked why and I mentioned the pram thing with my MIL so she said she would just have him- so I thought it was time to mention that when she’s with him she is glued to her phone and gets distracted and that it just worries me a bit. (For reference she’s been watching him before and because she’s been on her phone he’s managed to get half way up her stairs.)
She absolutely lost it at me. Called me rude etc.

I try so hard not to upset anyone and I’m just so so fed up now. I just wish it was simple and we could trust them to take care of him but they are both away with the fairies.

I want to talk to my mum but i don’t know how to approach it now. Just feel like i need a big cry.

Roles between a sthm and a working partner?

I started wondering if our arrangement makes any sense. When I was pregnant I saw a cute video of a couple where they sleep seperately, the mom takes care of the baby during the night, the husband wakes up early in the morning takes over so the woman sleeps a bit before he gets to work I suggest this arrangement to my husband and we both liked it. Since I gave birth to my 22 month old boy, we are sleeping separately, I’m taking care of everything. My toddler still wakes up during the night every two hours on average. I wake up in the morning to make his breakfast and drive him to the train station and pick him up later in the day. I clean and cook and take care of my boy, with no appreciation or thank you. If I say I’m tired it turns he’d say what are you doing all day or he’d remind me of how he’s paying for everything. I am emotionally and physically exhausted and I don’t feel this is how a team should work.

Water

My LO is 10 months old and I try and offer him water with meals but he will only take a couple of sips. I’ve tried adding freshly made apple juice to sweeten it a bit, in case this would entice him, but he still refused. I think if it’s not milk, he doesn’t want it, or it’s odd to him.

Any tips?

Teething

Does this look like she’s teething? She’s been so irritable, dribbling SO BAD, like I’m having to change her sleepsuit 3 times a day. Chewing on absolutely everything. She’s 4.5 months old.

Thank you ☺️