Step mum and pregnant with first baby

Take them out for the day do something they absolutely love. Weird you haven't met mum though x

I have looked after them on the odd occasion and they are angels. It’s just when dad is around obviously they prefer him and I may as well not even bother trying to help. I’m just in the background cooking etc. hard to get across to my partner that it is a difficult situation. But glad you agree about not meeting the mum!

I’m a SM to SS11 we get her EOW she comes to me for all her needs. Her dad is pretty hands off, so we have a pretty good relationship. I’ve never formally met her mom, I’ve seen her when I go pick up SD sometimes but that’s it. We do text if it’s something she needs us to know as her and my husband don’t have a great relationship.

I think it’s important that they view you as an extra adult that is there for them and to support them not necessarily another parent if that makes sense. I also think that each blended families experience will be different. While I do not like my SD mother I never voice that out loud in front of her as she’s a child and doesn’t need to be caught in the middle of an adult situation. I am a firm believer that you don’t have to meet their mother. I have no desire to meet my SD mother.

I hope that it all works out for you!

I am a step-mum to a 14 year old girl and pregnant with my first. Shes been great

I've not met her mum either so don't think it's that odd. Why do you need to meet her? 🤷🏾‍♀️ As long as shes pleasant and does her bit as mum, I don't think you need to meet her in person. Why do you feel resentful?

The other way round but my partner is a step dad to my son (4). We’ve lived together for nearly 2 years now and my son still comes to me for absolutely everything and always wants me regardless how much my partner tries.
I know it can be difficult and makes you feel horrible but they’re still young and dad is probably just their comfort person. Perhaps when new baby is here and they see you doing things for the baby they’ll start coming to you more and realise you’re there too!
I just keep reminding my son there’s two grownups in the house who can help with anything he needs and he has started to go to my partner for some things x

Completely different point of view! I am a child of divorce and both of my parents remarried. My stepmom was with my Dad since I’m 5 1/2…
My first comment would be that it’s just been a year!! Give them time they are probably still processing the fact of having to be separated from one of their parents and getting use to the entire situation. And if they feel there is any resentment between you and their mom it is not going to help. My step mom never said anything negative EVER about my Mom and I respect her tremendously for that. It made me feel safe to talk to her about anything.

I know that personably the birth of my half brother was step for all of us as a family and help me see my step mom as a mom! 27 years later she’s not with my dad but she is still very much in my life. I go to her place at Christmas and call her every other week …

In short give them time and be there for them. Building a relationship with anyone is not a sprint but a marathon :)

Great advice all thank you. Perhaps I don’t need to meet her.
I guess why I’m so resentful is that she made it difficult for my partner when he first met me and agreements with the children aren’t fair for example where they school is a 1.5hr round trip for us yet 5 hours mins for her, the kids won’t call him when they are with her etc. and we haven’t announced our pregnancy publicly or even to wider family due to being concerned about her reaction and I guess thinking about all that pushed me over the edge tonight. I guess in my mind I always had an idea that everyone would get along and be there for the kids all the time. Now thinking that won’t be the case and we just do our own thing.

Ahh understandable then. That's a shame but hopefully your partner understands and can see the dynamic and maybe step in..?

yeah he sort of sees it but then again he is just happy to have the kids 50/50 so I think is a bit blindsided by some things. Guess it’s all a big learning curve!

I am a step mom to a 14 year old boy and pregnant with my first. I was super nervous to tell him and his mom that we were expecting.
My husband and I have been together for about 6 years now, but my bonus kiddos momma was not huge on me at first. It was something where i tried to make an effort to be open and receptive but also keeping boundaries.

But we also live 2 hrs away from kiddo and his mom.