Partner and their family!

You’re allowed to decide who can and can’t be around your baby.

You can also tell the staff at the hospital that you don’t want family there.

You’re not being unreasonable or mean. It’s your baby, your body and your birth… not theirs! I haven’t experienced this but I’ve seen both on here and on social media that many other women have. You need to stand your ground (easier said than done when your partner also isn’t on side). It’s not their right to see your baby on their terms. They have to respect your wishes and it doesn’t matter if they’re upset. They need to grow up.

All the parenting and birth classes weve been to have talked about keeping the bubble small and allowing baby mum and partner to bond without the interference of everyone else- has your partner been to anything like that or read any books about it? Has he thought or know about what you will go through during labour and about the recovery period after?
He is being quite selfish, nowadays it's hardly unusual for people to say no visitors after birth

Unfortunately this is something that happens, people seem to forget that their is a person who is birthing this human and they don’t just appear out of thin air. You’re body and mind is going to have been through a lot and you have every right to tell people, no matter who they are to you, that you’d like them to wait until you are ready for visitors.

Your baby is not a toy or a prize or a shiny new thing.

I felt wildly protective of my little girl when she was born and didn’t even like people holding her. We didn’t have visitors for 2 weeks.

If people don’t respond the birthing persons wishes, it’s just outrightly wrong. No one else needs to bond with a baby apart from the parents! I cannot stress that enough. Your baby is hardwired to want you, your smell, your heartbeat, your touch.

Them being passed around is actually not what they want or need.

Tell the hospital not to let people into to see you.

Also your partner might think it’s such lovely supportive behaviour because he isn’t the one currently going through pregnancy or facing birth or postpartum.

I’m sorry but it just is not the same for him.

When he pushes out a baby, he can decide whose there. It’s the most intimate time of your life.

Your partner should be all about YOUR wishes and wants, not his families.

Sorry for the double post I just feel strongly about this and anyone who is having a baby can decide their boundaries! I just want you to know that you are doing nothing wrong.

A lot of us on here have been saying we arent even telling people we’re in labour until after baby arrives to avoid things like this! Its such a shame your partner isnt getting it though. My midwife explained it like as mammals we have the same instincts to want to hide away and give birth in a quiet, dark, SAFE space…

I’d recommend telling the hospital staff who you want and don’t want there and they won’t allow visitors for you!

Hope your partner sees sense as it’s not fair you’re made to feel like this you should be able to decide who you want there.

Yes he is correct it is lovely people want to support you but when you accept that support is your choice! I’ve said the same to my partner nobody is to visit the hospital apart from my mam and dad (my mam is my birthing partner also) and then his mam and sister after baby is born! But nobody else is to visit. Also set boundaries for when we arrive home I’ve asked for at least a week to let me get settled before friends etc come round!

Tip from my Mother, a retired midwife. You can have a quiet word with your midwife and explain the situation, they won’t let anyone else in and will happily play the bad guy and make it out like it’s their decision

I’m not telling anyone other than my parents and my partners parents when I’m in labour. It’s a shame your partner isn’t backing you on this he should be respecting your wishes and listening to what you want but I fully understand what your saying and your definitely
Not being unreasonable 🥰 x

I've put it on my birth plan and will have anyone who turns up removed - I've made this clear to everyone 😊 my partner is on my side but honestly if he wasn't I'd threaten to keep him out too.
I don't think anyone actually would turn up but even if my mum came over from her country I would not let her in.
Our baby. Our bond. Our time. We have to figure this out for the first time, together. And be mindful of how our relationship changes and i can't stand people in my face when im hurting.. I dont care how many bridges i burn, if u don't understand what im saying then ur Bridge isn't worth keeping..!!!

(Im usually very calm and easy going and like to make ppl happy but in this I'm a unmovable wall)

Ah this sounds like hard work for you!! Stupid question but have you tried sitting down with your partner and explaining what exactly is concerning you? Hopefully with a bit more understanding he might get where you’re coming from?

Since COVID more hospitals have been stricter on the number of visitors you can have after birth so worth checking the rules at your chosen hospital. It may only be your 2 birth partners allowed. I greatly welcome these rules and am not welcoming visitors to hospital. It's not hygienic and can be unfair for others in shared wards.
It's nice that everyone is so excited to meet your new baby but I think you need to speak to them to stop them getting carried away and express your wishes.