Aita issues with step daughter

Ok so this is a bit complicated but me amd my parener moved in together 3/4 months ago he has a 4 year old daughter and she started living with us at the start of september as her mum couldnt support her financially she came upon some struggles and we were more then happy to take her in but her mum is not fond of me as shes just one of thoes woman she didnt want me involved in any child care at the start when she found out me and her baby daddy are together but then gave the daughter to us saying it will be easy for us as theres two of us to look after the kids ( i have a 2 year old son)

So on to the issue up until she moved in with us i wasnt really saying anything about the way of parenting but her mum is baiscally very emotionally unavailable shes been a stay at home mum u til now and my oartner was always the provider for them so he was around maybe 20% of the time at home but the mum of the little girl would do anything with her and her bad traits like manipulation and getting ehr way definetly rubbed of on the little girl . She would even put on horror movies for her to watch like scream / conjuring / saw ect and i am oersonally awear of this as i am from a small town where everyone knows everyone and she would post these thubgs ect so i seen some things first hand .

But after she started living with us i put my conditions out that you know we wont give her what she wnats for example she demands cookies for breakfast which of course in my world she will not recive a cookie until she eats a healthy breakfast ect its stuff like that but after she stopped getting her way with me and her dad every time we said no her behaviour progressively got worse she would cry saying shes little and that we cant say no to her and if we would say that her cryii g wont work she automatically stopps craying and guves death stares . She severly started abusing my son my smashing his head into the floor , she tried suffocating him with pillows 3 times and a couple times with her hands she terrorises my son .

She also lies through her teeth , we could be sitting all in one room and she will throw her self on the floor and say my son did it bare in mind his on the other end of the room and we bith see her do this . Three weeks ago she stole me engament ring and was hiding it for 4 days and only gave jt back once we have her sweets and she admitted that she was hiding it in different places so we wouldnt find jt .

Theres honestly so much more , but she cries saying she dosnt want to live with us and thats because we acctually parent her as she should be we establish a healthy diet for anchild her age , try to engage her in educational activities that are fun like singing and dacing abcs . We trued different methods and nothing works . Her mother would only feed her noodles and sweeets and she still does .

We told her mums he cant stay with us , theres hinestly so many more situations i can talk avout , me and my oartner are so scared of her as shes so voilent to my little one that we are scared to leave them in one room together and it got to a point where my son had to start sleeping with us .

And she fakes so much as well when people are around she puts on this fake smile speaks in a high pitched baby voice and acts so nice byt the moment we are all alone she turns into a devil she tells us she hates us and if we don’t give her sweets she will go live with her mum .

Am scared that a 4 year old can behave like this and i told my partner that i will not stay alone with her and that he has to sort out child care him self and her mum as am scared that she might start making up lies about me that maybe i hurt her or something .

We decided she has to move back to her mums as her mum is stable now but shes throwing a fit as she still wants us to take her for half the week every week coz she what’s her free time which is crazy . And before anyone asks we did tell her that she should see a psychologist or something of that sort for little kids as her behaviour us not normal and i think the horror movie’s had a massive impact on her as you know kids are like sponges but she refuses and is throwing a fit saying we ain’t taking responsibility but am honestly scared for my son and am scared that if she stays here she might start making lies up in nursery or stuff and my son will get taken away or something

I am sorry i know its not written well english is not my first language

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Why isn’t your husband getting help for her? It shouldn’t be just the mums responsibility. Also if the mum done so much concerning stuff to make the child behave the way she is, why is your husband ok sending her back there? She is only 4 so doesn’t understand manipulation ect. She is acting in the only way she knows how to communicate her wants and needs. I’d be calling social work, nursery the school or whatever and asking for help. Your husband needs to make this his priority before that child is messed up for life.

we tried getting her help but where we are its incredibly difficult to communicate with doctors we just received phone appointments and got told to try different discipline techniques and see what works and if nothing helps to get in contact in a few months . We booked multiple appointments and asked for different doctors but its just a dead end . We wanted to try privately but we ourselves cant afford to cover something like that so we asked the mu. If we could try put some money together but she was against it as she belives that its normal behaviour and also the little girl recuses to stay with anyone apart from her mum no one can stay with her as shes so bad even her grandparents from both sides especially from her side they love her to bits but even they cant handle it and the little girl is dying to be with her mum every days a fight she refuses to go anywhere without the mum and she acts up its just a dead end really we dont know what to do

His not okay with sending her back there but he just didnt know what else to do she demands her mum day and night from the moment she wakes up till late night she behaves how she behaves and he has to work and i work from home taking clients and she also trues to sabotage my work which is essential to us and no one can help

We also dont have nursery for her as her mum does not agree for her to go nursery but if shes to be living with us its something that will have to happen but i honestly don’t know anymore

Her behavior towards you son sounds like jealousy. She is 4 and has had a massive change in her life. It probably has made her upset and angry.

It sounds like what she needs is alot of love and attention right now. I know it hard to see you child be hit (my nephew hits my child) maybe just get her to enjoy being with you, concentrate on the fun and exciting aspects and then when she is settled and has a better relationship with you guys then you can focus on the rules and boundaries.

Shes more likely to behave and listen if she is happy and enjoys your company overall. Hope this makes sense ! find it hard to write what im thinking down 😅

yes I totally understand what your saying but we done all of that we even done one on one days i was including her in things like cooking dinner with me every day as she enjoyed it we done trips to the park 3 times a week as she also enjoyed that too we even went out and bought her some princess costumes and i started doing dress up with her make over as she is very girly , we even done disney movie nights which honestly throughout all of this time majority of the attention was going to her which in honesty wasnt an issue as my son is very independent for a two year old he likes playing with his toys and just running around his always happy but she even hits us shes very violent towards us , we even tried using the rewards chart we explained it to her and told her if she does well we will buy her a toy if her choice but she demanded we guve her all the positive points at once and we tried explaining to her but it fell on death ears and she ripped up the rewards chart .

We always sat her down and took our time explaining things to her as well as telling her its okay to be angry sad but theres other ways we can try to display thoes emotions but she litrelly would just look at us and say she dosnt care and that she only listens to her mummy

The only time things are good in the house is if she gets everything her way which is her climbing kitchen counters and tables , drawing on walls , only eating candy , demanding we guve her our mobile phones which is a big no to us as we dont agree a chikd of that age should have access to thoes things , i try to redirect her as she really likes messy things like paint and playdoe so i offer thoes things to her but the moment we say no to anything she screams and says that we need to listen to her . She throws her self on my two year old body slams him and suffocates him when we dont let her do things like last time she demanded i let her cut onions by her self with a big knife and i explained to her that she cant so she hit me and threw her self at him and bare in mind shes is over the avarage size for a child her age shes the build of a 6 year old she comes from a family of very big people her dad is 6’8 shes a very big girl for her age she has alot of strength

She even started hitting me because i asked her to please not rip my plants as she randomly likes to do that

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I've finally done it

I have finally done it. I have finally become the trope, the stereotype.

I have become bitter, resentful, and very overwhelmed and overloaded. I am very unhappy and hit burnout. And I snapped at my husband last night. I work full-time, and work has been very busy so im working late a lot. Im also in grad school. I also have a toddler that has become VERY clingy with me. My husband works shorter days but commutes, so he usually gets home after me by an hour or more. When he gets home, he usually heads to the restroom for at least 30 mins when he gets home. And now my toddler doesnt want anything to do with him. So im doing all the toddler duties until bed. I dont get 5 mins to myself. Not for almost 2 years. I finally hit my wall. I have also, somehow, become my MILs medical ride service and she somehow has an appt every week, it seems?! Shes not sick!! My husband was complaining that he needs to change routine to fit in a workout sometimes, and I lost it. I have been BEGGING for 5 mins to myself for months. I have been telling him how im not good, im going to burn out for months. And between his attitude and him complaining (which really got me b/c he blames me for not being able to work out?! Saying I need help when he gets home so he just cant workout now) I just lost it completely. I told him how unfair my life has become and I have the entire mental and emotional load and it is just not fair. He got mad at me and said "hes trying" when hes literally not trying at all. What do I do?? No one is taking the load from me! And im done and dont know what to do now.
I do not like this version of me.

Is this clever or cruel?

My husband and i were talking and with social media and the internet in general being a terrifying dumpster fire, we are trying to figure out the best way to keep our son safe while still teaching him how to safely be online and moderation.

We landed on the idea of giving him the 90's kid treatment. A computer in the living room for us to keep an eye on what hes doing online, and once we feel hes mature enough to hang with friends without adult supervision he gets a flip phone. When we feel he is responsible enough and he earns and saves up the money for the physical phone, case, and screen cover, then we will be happy to take him to get a smart phone.

I thought this was air tight, but now my brother says its cruel to give a kid a flip phone, and besides he can just use his friends phones at school.

My husband and i remember a time before the internet, and we remember having complete access to something no one understood yet. We saw unspeakable things and are always battling with the urge to put the phone and social media down. I dont want that for my son, especially with his brain so vulnerable still.

AITA?

This isn't a major issue, just wondering if I'm being a bit of an asshole.

• I do shift work, 5 out of 7 days, full-time.
• My partner works from home (mostly, sometimes he goes into the office) M-F, full-time.

Anyway, whenever I have a day off during the week he gets in his feelings when I make myself food (breakfast and lunch) but not him. His reason is he's working, I'm not - Which is fair but I've asked him how many times on a weekend has he gotten up, on his day off and made me breakfast and a lunch to take with me to work? You guessed it, 0.

So basically, just because I'm at home I don't think the responsibility to feed him should automatically fall on me when he manages to feed himself just fine while I'm at work.

If your partners parent passes away

And you and that parent didn't get along are you still go to the funeral?

Not my situation!

Nursery funding

My child turned 9 months last week. I applied for government funded hours nearly 2 months ago and so well within the required timeframe for the April term, however upon receiving my first invoice without the funding applied and having questioned this, I have now been informed that the stretched funding doesn’t start until 4th May.

Has anyone else been told it won’t start until May?

The government site states it should start from April 1st, and so I intentionally set my nursery start and return to work as the start of April for that reason, knowing that I wouldn’t be able to afford the nursery on my sole income without the funding

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Before our son was born we originally both wanted minimum 2 kids but we were hoping for 3-4. My partner found the birth traumatic to watch and also struggled a lot with the newborn/baby stage. He no longer wants to have any more children and it’s completely breaking my heart. I need another baby. We’ve spoken about it a lot and the options. He said he wasn’t COMPLETELY closed off to it so I asked him to try and work through his feelings and reconsider his decision. He eventually said he definitely doesn’t want another. I know that I will always want one and my feelings will never change. Do we have to break up or does anyone know anything else I can do to help change his mind? Has anyone else’s partner said this and then changed their mind? I don’t want to break up because I adore him and our life together and I’d hate to split up our family for “selfish” reasons and make my son miss out on having both of us together but I just don’t know what to do