In laws speaking own language

Hi guys
Partly wanting to vent and also ask if I'm overreacting or if anyone has advice on how to handle the situation.
I live with my husband and 11 month old son. My in laws live abroad but visit quite often and when they do they stay with us. We've lived in our current flat since July (which is much smaller than the previous one) they've visited twice, each visit a month long. I really struggle with their visits anyway as they never say how long they're staying and they seem to just take over the kitchen, cooking, grocery shopping. I know they're trying to help but it does feel like stepping on my toes since I've waited so long to have my own place and make it the way I want.
Another issue is that they speak another language to me. I'm happy for them to speak to my LB in their language so he can learn. But they've recently taken to watching programmes in their language in the living room TV and there's no subtitles available. Or they'll be watching something and all discussing it in their language while I'm sat there.
I'm not sure why but I find it so triggering hearing them all laugh and joke in their language. It really makes me feel like an outsider in my own home. I've mentioned it to my husband and whilst he understands how I feel he doesn't really say or do anything as he doesn't want to upset them either.
I'm not sure if I'm making a big deal of it or should I be asking my husband to stick up for me a bit more?

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You should definitely talk to your husband about them stepping on your toes so he takes you a bit more seriously that way they are not invading your privacy since I know how that feels it’s a terrible feeling. As far as the language barrier goes, I can relate my language is a little similar to my husbands language, but still different and sometimes they’ll be talking in their language and I’m so lost and confused but these past five years I have picked up on some words and did my own research and tried to learn as much as I could. That’s some thing I would recommend to you is trying to learn their language since that is something that you knew going into the marriage that it’s a different culture with a different language. And if this marriage is some thing, you’re looking at lifetime, then it would be nice to at least know some bits of his language.

It will feel less triggering once you actually understand what they’re saying and if anything, they’re probably just talking and joking about something off topic.
Most of the language learning I did was off of music and TV shows and movies that speak in his language. That is a really easy way to pick up especially that you mentioned that his family watches TV programs in their language. It would be nice if you just go ahead and take the initiative and if there isn’t subtitles ask for translations from them I’m sure they will feel happy with you including yourself into their mother tongue.

Another reason why I took the initiative to learn some bits is because of course I want my daughter to learn her fathers language and that’s a given that My in-laws will teach her since that’s what they speak in and I don’t want to feel excluded. I want her to be able to have a conversation with me in her father’s language, and my language, nor do I Want to feel excluded If my daughter is having a conversation with my in-laws and I don’t even know what she’s saying.😐

Do you want to learn their language? I didn't care to learn it so my inlaws know that if they want me included in the conversation, they have to speak in English. Otherwise I'm probably not paying attention and doing my own thing even though I'm sitting with them.
I think you should definitely speak to your husband about staying over and taking over your kitchen, your space. Everyone needs their own space and even if they think they're being helpful, if it's not helpful to you then he should address it. Maybe he can tell them not to cook every single day, or to ask you before they go grocery shopping etc.

Honestly I would just ask them to speak English so that you can be included. You can say it non-confrontationally ‘what are you guys talking about? Could you switch to English so I can join in the fun?’

I would ask them to speak english BUT when you have an international family, both languages have to be spoken in the house. In my family I m the foreign with another language. My BD is learning my language so he won't be excluded of my char with my son (i speak exclusively my mother language to my son so he can learn). It's very rich for a kid to start his life with several languages. Worth the effort 🤗 good luck

Oh I feel you on this one. The worst is when they are blatantly talking about my child but choose to exclude me as a mother. We live with some of my husbands family (we rent the granny annexe of my OH great aunt and uncle and his aunt rents a room) and when my first was born hubbys mum, sister and cousin all came to stay and they were all talking about and making decisions about my girl without me. My husband has since apologised for it but I still feel hurt about it. I’ve never felt so alone as I did then - surrounded by people but more alone than ever. When my SIL is over I could be sat near her with the babies (I had a second 13m after who I’ve not let anyone even try to influence how I look after her) and she will barely say anything and then OH comes in and she’ll start questioning him about them and giving her opinions! I’m like, I’m right here, I spend 24hrs a day with them but you cannot be arsed to ask me even though you can speak English but choose to be ignorant instead.

I’m trying to learn and pick up a few things but it’s not easy - especially when they speak so fast and over the top of each other and they all think they know best. It’s definitely hard but I’m hoping to learn enough so that when they do completely disregard me I can say something to them either in English or their language so they know I understand what they have said and that if they have something to say concerning my daughter then I would like them to talk to me about it too.

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