Should I let go/forgive my MIL for this?
Over Christmas when my husband and I were with my in-laws my MIL said a lot of things that annoyed me, and most I feel like I can let go. But there is one that I just can’t. She was annoyed with us I think because we recently told them that after we finish school in May that we are planning on staying down here (4 hours from her) by my family. But anyways- my husband and I were in the kitchen with her when out of the blue she says: “there is something wrong in _______ (my hometown), and I don’t want you guys living there. There is no reason that there should be so much Alzheimer’s and cancer going on in that area. And it’s unfortunate it’s such a poor area because no one is going to look into it. It’s like Flint Michigan or something.”
So to give context to this we have had a few people in our church pass away from cancer in the past couple years (I really don’t think that is an alarming rate compared to the rest of the country). But here is what I just can’t forgive: one of those people was my MOM. And she just passed away July 2023 at 49 years old, I’m only 21. As far as the Alzheimer’s thing- my grandma is the only person I even know in our city who has Alzheimer’s. I just feel like she had absolutely no right to say something so insensitive. I literally got up from my seat and went and stayed in our bedroom with our cats for the rest of that day. And this isn’t the first time she has given a “theory” on why my mom had cancer. Literally in the moment I wanted to punch her in the mouth.
I know I should forgive her- but do you think it’s something I should address and ask for an apology and set boundaries on? Or just forgive and forget?
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I despise the saying "forgive and forget." Just because you forgive, does not mean you need to forget it happened. If you choose to forgive, you need to address it first. She will continue to make nasty remarks. Set boundaries. You most likely won't get an acceptable, meaningful apology even if she apologizes, so prepare yourself for that.
My mom passed away from cancer in September 2023, so I can empathize with how you may be feeling. Your MIL is way beyond out of line. If you choose to forgive for the sake of your husband, I would still not let her comments go unchecked. They need to be addressed head on. She should NOT be speculating or speaking on your mom’s cancer AT ALL. Definitely set the boundaries moving forward and don’t tolerate. I probably would’ve went off, tbh. So however you decide to address this issue, don’t feel like you have to tip toe around her feelings—she no longer deserves that courtesy.
That’s absolutely disgusting. She knew exactly what she was doing she was saying it too hurt you because you didn’t do what she wanted. I’d bring it up I know it will be akward but she can’t get away with saying that or she will carry i. X
I am sorry about your mom passing. Your MIL is not only out of line but made a calculated decision in creating that nonsensical story. Address the comments and place a boundary. Do this with your husband present or having your husband state it. It will be better if it’s not just from you as she may try to drive some wedge between y’all and needs to see this is your husband’s boundary too.
I couldn't forgive her for that easily. It would take me a long time. I agree with the previous comments that it has to be addressed. It's just not okay. She's super manipulative and vile. Can't believe getting her way was more important
The problem is that your MIL doesn't seem like the type who would ever admit her wrongdoings. I know the type. 0 accountability. Emotional maturity of a child. It's so hard to always be the bigger person. You can still be that, but you should not simply let her get away with this one.
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