Mamas with depression, anxiety, and other mental health disorders

I know why pregnant women hate their husbands

I always heard this saying and didn’t know why. But now I do. My husband makes the majority of the money (2700 every two weeks) and I make (1700 every two weeks working part time). Our agreement is since he makes more and has less off days than me I do the majority of the house work. Working part time I was happy with this agreement. Now I’m pregnant and haven’t been feeling good since 5.5 weeks. I’m getting done what I can possibly do but the house looks a mess and shows I haven’t been keeping up with it. My husband was compassionate about me being sick for like one day. Since it’s an on going thing he’s told me to basically get over it. (Buck up and don’t think about it) in his own words. Unfortunately constant nausea and fatigue mixed in with vomiting is hard to forget about. I have been trying my best but it’s not been good enough. In his free time he works out and plays golf and other sports. Yes he does some of the cleaning but when he does he like wants a reward. Is there a way to get through his head that I seriously don’t feel good and need the support? I just wish I made the same amount of money as him so I could at least say I do that. Anyone else ever in a situation like this?

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In his free time he needs to make sure you & the house are taken care of before he even thinks to give time & effort to anything else. You need to have a serious conversation about this because if he can't support you now being pregnant, imagine how it will be postpartum. And that will be even more challenging than the pregnancy. Especially with a newborn too. I personally wouldn't stay with a man like that. I have lived with my parents, my dad behaving just like this with my mam, and slowly she turned into the house slave until I grew up and started helping.
No way on earth I'd accept my husband going to golf when I'm home sick carrying HIS child and the house being a mess.

Yeah and not to mention he’s angry because of the state of the house. I forgot to mention we have a toddler so watching him and the house is exhausting. It’s already enough taking care of a toddler

I ended up just having a serious conversation with my husband when I was pregnant and we had a 1 year old because I was nauseous all the time, tired, mentally drained, and was so mad that he got to still enjoy himself while I was miserable trying to take care of all of us. I didn’t work tho, I’m a SAHM but I take care of 2 kids, a whole household worth of cleaning and cooking, and my disabled father who needs 24/7 care. It wasn’t until I broke down during that conversation that it finally clicked to him how I was feeling. After that he started helping out more. So yes I agree. Have a serious conversation about it, don’t wait until you’re about to lose it like i did. If he won’t listen after then it’s up to you what you want to do but I personally would’ve rethought my marriage if he hadn’t listened to me when I talked to him.

Well. If you do more in the house because you work and earn less, did he give you also money to compensate your lower salary? Or is he keeping all his money and enjoy the free work you are doing at home ? Sounds not well balanced. You working less means also having more free time for yourself and enjoy life. (Unless he compensate for you to have more money)

I’d hire someone to come in twice a month do the big stuff and tell him this is part of it and deal with it

Thank you everyone for the advice. I have tried to explain how I’m feeling and all he sees what is not done. It’s so frustrating.

Hi Mama. You’re in a difficult situation. For both of my pregnancies I vomited from 16-18 weeks.

My current is the longest one, men don’t always understand what we are experiencing because it’s not them.

I would try hiring help in the interim, and making a cleaning schedule for yourself (if you are up to it). Outsource laundry too if possible until you feel better.

For me, stress would also cause me to vomit more.

Do what you can, if you feel up to it. If you don’t then don’t. You are not the only mama that goes through this. Truth is, you’ll be here again post delivery due to sleep deprivation. So he needs to give grace vs expecting perfection.

Tell him baby growing is a team effort and you're only ever strong as your weakest team member so to assist you when your down x

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