Struggling with step son

So my step son is 9 and he’s a very hyperactive boy he can’t iust speak he always has to shout, can’t sit still and is always tapping at things but I just find him very irritating towards my 10 month old. He will just go up to her and blow hard in her face, get in her way if she’s trying to crawl and grabs toys out her hand and will shout in her face. I get he’s 9 but I would expect more at that ages. I’ve told him off numerous time and spoke to my partner and he doesn’t understand and just said he’s a child but I feel he should really be telling him off for some things. I feel as a mum and especially step mum we see things differently especially when my partner is so laid back. My step son is always included so shouldn’t feel left out but I feel he’s the one who seems to need more attention than the baby. I don’t know what to do as I dislike being around him now I get so annoyed to the point I dread him coming to our house so I’m thinking splitting up with my partner is the best. That’s how bad I’m feeling about him. I don’t need any negative comments. I get having a new sibling is a big change but he’s always been a very annoying boy so hard to deal with when he is annoying my daughter also.

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That sounds really tough for you, I can totally understand why you're feeling so frustrated and unhappy. From what you're saying, it sounds like a few different aspects could be at play. Firstly, does he understand why his current behaviour isn't suitable? If not, that's a starting point.
Second, if he does know what's expected and is acting this way anyway, there's a deeper issue. He may not feel included even though you say he is, or he may have learned - either at his mothers or with your partner before you two met- that acting out is the only way to guarantee getting attention. Does he get any 1:1 time with his dad?
Finally, dad needs to be more proactive. This isn't your step son 'just being a child' - this is him trying to communicate, and he simply doesn't have the words yet. So dad needs to be taking the time to talk about what his son is feeling and why. But definitely dad has a responsibility to you ALL to be more involved. But I'm confident it can be resolved 🙂

It really hurts to read you saying: he is a very annoying boy. No child is ever just annoying.
He will feel you feel this way and, therefore, won't feel included.
Have you looked at why he is acting the way he is?
Do you all do activities with him? Include him in activities with his new sibling?
Do you tell him off or say blowing in her face isn't a good choice if you want to play with her try xyz.
And how do you act when he snatch a toy from him?

I'm not gonna lie, someone I'm with romantically felt that way about my daughter. I would leave him. We come as a package.
How would you feel if someone felt like that about your baby? I guess you would want them to work on it. Have you even spend 1:1 with this boy?

This is a hard situation and definitely harder being a step parent.
Do you tell him not to when he does these things? Does his father step up and tell him?
At 9 years old he should know these things are wrong. Has be been diagnosed with ADHD?
what it the relationship like with his mum? I'm thinking that could play a part in his behaviour.. No one can judge this as we don't know the bigger picture.. but I feel your aggro definitely. X

I don’t think you should really jump to conclusions like that when you don’t know. We always do activities with him and include his sister he’s never really away from our side when we have him. We make sure he’s as Included as she is. He’s been told several times not to do things and it’s been explained to him why and we have told him to play with her gentle ect so it’s all been explained to him on many occasions it’s just his personality and as a step parents it’s hard to see someone’s else’s child behave like that towards you first child. And yes I have spent lots of 1-1 time we have been together 5 years I pick him up drop him off take him on days out without his dad ect so your being a bit unreasonable here. yes I tell him but I don’t want to be the bad guy and keep telling him so it’s hard. My partner says he will step up but he doesn’t and he admits that he sees his son’s behaviour too. He hasn’t even diagnosed but it’s been spoke about and he definitely

Has a lot of the symptoms. His mum treats him like he’s 4 years old so I think that doesn’t help with his behaviour either. I’m just finding it very difficult the way he acts, how loud he is and how he plays with my daughter even thought he’s been spoken to many times

I've asked loads of questions and didn't jump to conclusions. I just say children pick up when adults find them annoying and don't like them. And as much as your feelings are valid, it's hard to read as in my opinion no child should be labelled annoying by a carer. As it's not healthy for the child.

I never make it obvious that I feel the way I do as I don’t want to cause any drama. Well as much as I love him unfortunately I do find him very annoying I don’t think that’s such a bad thing

This sounds like your partner needs to be speaking with his sons mum and finding the route of the issues.

Coming from someone that has been around someone with ADHD it does sound like he may have a behaviour issue. My stepson is the same age and wouldn’t do anything you have mentioned.

If your partner is not willing to step up and tell your step son then maybe you need to tell him that your not happy with your little one being around him if his not going to be the one to tell him off etc. xx

we had a discussion which turned into an argument. He seems to think his son’s behaviour is normal and what he’s doing is normal and I disagree. I’m glad you agree with the behaviour as my partner is making me out to be a mad woman but I honestly don’t think his behaviour are normal and it is making me dislike being around him as sad as that is

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