Why is it so hard to end a toxic cycle with BD?

I love my baby daddy so much and I really want our family to be together. When he’s being a good father and a good boyfriend, we’re in such a good place and I feel happy and like my stress isn’t there that much.

But most of the time he’s not a good boyfriend. He’s always a really good father but I feel like if we were to break up for good, he wouldn’t come around that much anymore or call his daughters.

I was looking thru photos last night and I came across so many screenshots of how he would talk to me and refuse to come help me, and how horrible he was and how I would bitch him out only for him to text me a few days later acting like nothing happened.

In those screenshots were so many hurtful things that he’s done to me and I got so sad.

So now I’m realizing what a toxic cycle we’re in and it never ends. Why is it so hard to end it? I’ve broken up with him so many times and we always end up back together and he doesn’t even have to do much for us to get back together. I hate myself for being so naive and dumb and forgiving.

Read more on Peanut

The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.

Learn more about our guidelines.

Add a comment

Did you know your baby dads dna stays in you for years? Research it! It made me feel some kind of relief as to why I always loved him even when he was abusive:)

Because this is what we do, we want our kids to grownup im a both parent home so bad we’re willing to put up with anything ☹️ i’m currently doing the same thing. He’s horrible when it’s good it’s great but when it’s bad it’s horrible.

do what's best for your children they need to see there dad treating there mom right I'm going through a similar situation so if you need to talk I'm here but all I can say is do what's best for them reach out to friends and family give each other a break for a few days talk things out go to couples therapy but talk to him and let him know how you feel make sure you guys are on the same page ask yourself are we gonna work out look at all the situations I don't know what your limits are some things are forgiving other things aren't but you guys need to talk and make a decision and ask yourself as well what is best for my children reach out to friends and family do therapy talk to a friend that could be your therapist talk to a person that listens and gives good advice and is there for you I'm here if you want to talk I really am keeping you in mind I hope everything works out best wishes for you and your children

I can relate to your situation.. I want it to work with my baby daddy too and I love him so much but it hurts and he barely even helps out and my family tells me it should be my baby daddy helping me out not the other way around .

@Jen Jen I needed to see thus too tbh

I did know that! I didn’t even think of that being a possibility why it’s so hard to let go

I can’t even really do that. He’s so childish and immature, he doesn’t communicate at all. And when I break up with him and I tell him I really mean it this time, he gives me a few days then acts like everything is fine and like we’re still together. ALSO, I’ve asked him a few times to give me space and not reach out til I’m ready to talk to him, that’s when he calls me everyday and texts to ask how my daughters are doing. I normally let him text me and I’ll tell him how they are but won’t answer his calls cuz I don’t wanna keep his kids from him obviously. But 2 times I really needed him to leave me alone for a few days and I told him I’d text or call him when I’m ok again to be in contact and he acts like I’m trying to keep his kids from him and constantly tries to call and texts me. He doesn’t respect my boundaries at all.

I always feel like I’m coming close to that point because it honestly exhausts me dealing with him and the toxicity but I still continue to accept all the shit he puts me through. Idk why

i’m dealing with the same

step 1 was deleting all photos of him, haven’t yet got to the screenshots and things that hurt my feelings. the memories are the only thing we’re holding on to. we deserve better

you’re so right. whenever i think about leaving him, I start thinking of how good we used to be and how he used to treat me :/

I’m so glad I’m not the only one. Thought I was crazy to still love him after everything he’s put me threw. currently waiting on temporary custody with restraining order to be able to leave with my kids and dog. I’ve been with him for 7 years and we have kids who are 3 and 1 so it was so hard to even file for anything. Was doing my best to communicate but with him it’s like we can talk all we want about splitting up and slipping custody but when it comes down to it he starts getting mad at me then it’s him telling him he’ll fight me for custody and does that same thing your BD starts making up lies like where is this all coming from?? It’s hard and frustrating when all I’ve done is do my best to make it work all the time…

in our community

5 month old activities

Hey everyone my baby is 5 months old and I want to reduce/cut screen time as I have read up on how bad it is what activities did people do to keep their baby entertained. Thank you in advance.

My friend is over from another country but I don't feel like leaving the house

One of my old friend's is visiting where I currently live and we agreed to meet up today but I feel so tired and exhausted from everything that's been going on with me. I feel if I meet her I'm going to end up having another breakdown from the exhaustion which I have been having often. I'm just thinking about how I need to rest to be able to deal with my toddler and go back to work on Monday without feeling like I need another weekend. I'm torn on what to do so I need you guys to help me decide

Weaning

Hello mamas,could I get some advice please with how and what to wean as started this week with my baby but not really what to give and when what time day. Have started with puree vegetables and making them myself and offering it in the evening to my baby but she tends to get irritated and tired and has a few spoonfulls and then gives up and has a meltdown. So I’m questioning myself am I feeding her wrong time of day and what’s best to mix the food with milk or baby rice please.

Baby Food Maker

What’s everyone’s thoughts on a baby food maker? I’m looking to get Baby Breeza or Grownsy. Thoughts? What does everyone like?

Do I need to pay anything when my child starts school in September

I'm a new mum and obviously didn't grow up in the uk. I currently pay roughly £640 for nursery fees. I'm wondering if my expenses will reduce when my LO starts school or there'll be other expenses (besides bags, uniform etc) will my expenses be anywhere close to £600 monthly?

Post partum dad

I have a 2 month old. A few weeks ago my husband crashed out because he didn't feel like he was getting to bond with her. I started exclusively breastfeeding around that time and honestly didnt see the big deal. Baby and I left for a few days and when we got back home, everything was fine. He was extremely hands-on. He helped with my meals, her bedtime, bath, stories.....for a few weeks it was great. Then he randomly sounds depressed af. He says our lo is better off without him, he wants to sleep all day , he asks me not to watch tv then tried playing a video game. He refused to reply to me when i asked any follow-up questions. Then he woke up our baby trying to race me to the bathroom first thing in the morning . He's doing a weird mix of crying, trying, and giving up. Im starting to feel like I cant handle him not being able to handle life with baby and just want to be alone. Are there resources for men?