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Muslimah Mamas

Mil wants to be called mum?

Salaam all,

 

Bit of background:


Been married for 4 years and alhamdulilah I'm happily married and  blessed to have a good relationship with my in-laws. Mil has never overstepped boundaries into our marriage, she's genuinely happy to see me and husband happy together.


When my little girl was born 2 years ago ( mils first grandchild), she  said how she knows id prefer to have my mum in my delivery room instead of her, saying no one is like your own mum, and  let me know she'd have no issue with this or if I wanted my mum over to stay the first week instead of her to help out. If you're from a Pakistani background like me, you'll know that generally the paternal grandparents tend to like to assert their authority over their grandchild and would much prefer having first dibs than maternal side, so this was refreshing.


Mil loves my daughter  and I trust her to care for her while I work a couple days where she respects routine/rules.


Now here's the little niggle. From even before birth, she always said she doesn't want to be called Dadi(grandma) cause it makes her feel old but wants to be called Mum, because I would be Mummy so Mum is different . Funnily enough my own mum said the same thing but i told my mum no upfront lol.

 My sils laughed when mil said this saying 'nah your gonna be gran, x ( me) is Mum/mummy'. I didn't say anything until a few months after daughter was born where she said ' that's your ( pointing to me) mummy and I'm Mum'.

 Then I said something along, oh my own mum said that too, but I said no to her.  but I think you could be called 'umi' instead which I thought was a fair compromise as its not mum or mummy and still means mum. I don't even remember what mil said as that's how little it meant to me at that point


Now the last couple years I've never actually addressed my mil Infront of her. When I've given cards and gifts I've just written 'grandma'. My sils also referred to her as 'grandma' jokingly. Nobody really made a big deal about it including me or mil, as it wasn't like she's say every time. At this point, I wasn't bothered either as I guess daughter wasn't even talking and thats probably why it never bothered me enough to even think or talk about it with my husband.

At home, Ive always call her Dadi and tell daughter we're going dadis house and tbh my husband also does this. 



Now, Recently, was at mils where my fil who has been abroad since before daughters birth, had returned .  At some point both fil and husband said ' give dadi a hug '. Mil said again no not 'dadi' am mum. We just laughed and didn't address it. My fil was surprised too and asked why mum.


Since my fil is now  there, I think they must've light heartedly discussed this at some point after we have left, as at my most recent visit, he was addressing my mil as 'umi' to my daughter. 


Now for some reason, all of a sudden I feel a bit uneasy about this.

1) I think before it never bothered me as nobody including sils actually addressed my mil as as 'umi/mum' to my daughter but now my fil is here and around a lot more than they are, my daughter probably will start to call mil umi.


2) I feel uneasy about feeling uneasy because my logic brain tells me it's not really a big deal in the sense that my in-laws and mil have been really good to me, my mil  doesnt overstep boundaries or try to be the parent to my daughter , so really being called umi is just about a preference for her.


3) I feel as if confronting mil about this would just be me upsetting a really good person for no reason and could potentially  change the dynamic of the really good relationship we have. I havent even discussed it with my husband, but I know he'd probably say he understands how I feel but to keep the peace seeing as we literally have no other issues, we just keep referring to her as Dadi  at home, and when she's there she can call her umi.


I guess what I'm looking for is someone to say, yeah really not a big deal? How would others feel?