Unemployed bf, ft working mom.

Okay. Would you be mad if….. Your bf is unemployed and you as the mom go to work for 10 hrs a day Monday through Friday and then go home and take care of the baby till 9 - 10 pm while the bf plays video games and “helps” here and there. The help is my bf blow drying my daughters hair and getting her dressed so I can dry off and put lotion on for bed. We both got up at 5:30 am yesterday but he still somehow got in to bed at 7 while I was up with baby. I don’t understand, that would never fly if it was the other way around and he were the one working. There was a time when he was working and I was home but it was the same thing. I was responsible for her 95% of the time and his “help” was changing a diaper and MAYBE putting her down for a nap (when she still took multiple naps a day, now she only takes one). I was still responsible for putting her to bed every night when I wasn’t working but he doesn’t do the same when he’s not working. I just don’t understand how he doesn’t see that it’s no where near equal.

Read more on Peanut

The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.

Learn more about our guidelines.

Add a comment

Is he a stay at home dad if he’s not working?

Yes. His unemployment ends Monday and he waits untill it runs out and then he decides to find another job. He did that when she was around 10 months old and it took months for him to actually find something.

if I may… I think it’s honestly insane for your stay at home partner to be in bed by 7pm and for you to get home after a 10 hr shift and be up until 10pm with the baby while he snores and farts the night away.. like sir I have a toddler and I KNOW that little one made messes throughout the day and left toys around and about, dishes aren’t done, laundry can be put in to be started tomorrow morning or be nice enough to prepare you a cup of tea or something like damn gtfo sir

he should’ve been trying to find a job sooner for sure, & he should also be caring for her but I don’t think it’s unrealistic to also give him a day to be in bed early even though he’s not “ working” because caring for a baby all day is still work, just not paid work

No it’s not fair and you should both alternate getting breaks and getting sleep, regardless of who is working and who is at home with baby. But I think it’s an issue that he doesn’t wanna work. Is he spending quality time with baby while he’s home and actually doing things with them or is he doing the bare minimum and ignoring most of the day ? Sounds like it worked better for your family for you to be home (but that’s just from the information you gave do what is best for your family)

I was a stay at home mom when she was younger and I was NEVER able to go to sleep early. I know how hard it is I’ve done it. Both is hard. But working and then taking care of her after work until she’s asleep pretty much by myself feels harder.

I would be 100% happy if there were at least designated breaks. He gets scheduled video game time from 5-8 on Friday and Saturday and I don’t have a designated time for myself in sight. And he does bare minimum. He sits her in the back room to watch tv while he plays games.

Tell him to get a job, not best for your kiddo. Also schedule your own time please 🙏🏻

thank you for understanding. I think I’m so upset because when I was the stay at home partner I pretty much watched her from when she woke up untill she went to sleep. And now I’m working and I’m still putting her to sleep by myself. I feel like we should both be up with her.

I agree. I’m not saying him watching your daughter isn’t work- not at all because we ALL know it is. But for him to just “clock out” just because you’re home is selfish and disrespectful to you as his partner. I really do think you both should find time to sit down and communicate so that he knows how you’re feeling and maybe something isn’t being understood on his behalf. Because you said it yourself.. “if the roles were reversed” if he came home from a 10 hr shift and YOU fell asleep at 7pm leaving him to be up past 10pm helping your daughter fall asleep, there would be outrage.

Have you voiced any of this to your partner? While it feels like it should be common sense to spread the load out evenly between you both, without voicing your frustration, they're not going to know how you feel about this.

in our community

My friend is over from another country but I don't feel like leaving the house

One of my old friend's is visiting where I currently live and we agreed to meet up today but I feel so tired and exhausted from everything that's been going on with me. I feel if I meet her I'm going to end up having another breakdown from the exhaustion which I have been having often. I'm just thinking about how I need to rest to be able to deal with my toddler and go back to work on Monday without feeling like I need another weekend. I'm torn on what to do so I need you guys to help me decide

Post partum dad

I have a 2 month old. A few weeks ago my husband crashed out because he didn't feel like he was getting to bond with her. I started exclusively breastfeeding around that time and honestly didnt see the big deal. Baby and I left for a few days and when we got back home, everything was fine. He was extremely hands-on. He helped with my meals, her bedtime, bath, stories.....for a few weeks it was great. Then he randomly sounds depressed af. He says our lo is better off without him, he wants to sleep all day , he asks me not to watch tv then tried playing a video game. He refused to reply to me when i asked any follow-up questions. Then he woke up our baby trying to race me to the bathroom first thing in the morning . He's doing a weird mix of crying, trying, and giving up. Im starting to feel like I cant handle him not being able to handle life with baby and just want to be alone. Are there resources for men?

My 2 year old won’t eat nothing but snacks

Is this normal ? He won’t even try anything I eat .. he really only like pizza fries and spaghetti… nuggets and snacks bananas some other fruit but like anything else he won’t eat if try but I don’t want to force him I’m just I feel like bad I mean he isn’t losing weight I breastfeed mostly still

Weaning

Hello mamas,could I get some advice please with how and what to wean as started this week with my baby but not really what to give and when what time day. Have started with puree vegetables and making them myself and offering it in the evening to my baby but she tends to get irritated and tired and has a few spoonfulls and then gives up and has a meltdown. So I’m questioning myself am I feeding her wrong time of day and what’s best to mix the food with milk or baby rice please.

Do I need to pay anything when my child starts school in September

I'm a new mum and obviously didn't grow up in the uk. I currently pay roughly £640 for nursery fees. I'm wondering if my expenses will reduce when my LO starts school or there'll be other expenses (besides bags, uniform etc) will my expenses be anywhere close to £600 monthly?

Primary Caretaker Resentment

I am the primary caretaker for my daughter, my partner and I live together & are engaged but I knew it would be this way as he works long hours. I’m struggling with not feeling resentment towards him when I’m responsible for 90% of stuff.

I adjusted my hours so one of us could be home with her some of the time (previously we both worked full time, I’m now part time), I do 5/7 bedtime routines a week, I feed her every meal & I plan her meals. Even though he knows what she eats, he always insists on asking me what to buy, he says it’s because I’m home so it’s what I’m happy to make but he knows it annoys me, he knows how long stuff takes to make, I just ask for quicker meals on the days I wfh.

He also shows no interest in her birthday, her first easter. etc. He says I’m the better planner but I told him it doesn’t come naturally to me & I wish he would show some interest in her first holidays.

I feel like I think about our daughter 24/7 & he thinks about her maybe one day as week.

For context: He works 9am - 11pm roughly Wed-Sun. My Mum has her on a Monday & I am off Tuesday afternoon so he only has her alone Tuesday morning.

He can be very helpful & clean the kitchen or sterilise bottles after work but we have gone through phases where he grumbles about this.

He’s always thinking of things to help me but they hardly ever involve him taking actions, I’m relying on my family a lot which is hard for me.

I feel as though it would barely be different if I was a single mother but I don’t know what I expect him to do given his working hours, it’s just hard to not get annoyed.