Husband

I adore my husband, he works hard and has taken on extra work so I can have just over a year off with our little one. I feel awful moaning because he can be really thoughtful and got me a wonderful Mother’s Day present. But he just hardly interacts with him. I know he’s the one out working and he does a physical job so he is shattered when he gets home, but I’m the one that feeds him, gives him meals, plays with him, puts him to bed, gets him to sleep and gets up with him in the night if he wakes up. The only thing he consistently does is bath time with me every other night. I’m aware that I will do the vast majority while he is out at work and I’m really grateful that I’m able to have over a year off. But I just don’t seem to get any help at all or he never offers or wants to do things for our little one. I got up with him in the night because his nappy leaked, I made his bottle this morning and made and gave him his breakfast, put a load of washing on, emptied the dishwasher and sterilised his bottles all before he got out of bed at 8.30. He’s come down, and turned his computer on to play games while little one is napping on me. I don’t know if it’s a confidence thing or not but I just thought he’d be more hands on than what he is. He never suggests to do anything at the weekend and I’m just really fed up.

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How is his relationship with your LO. Like does your LO smile and reach for him? Some guys really struggle with this. Sometimes it's the way theyve been taught (it's the woman's job) or sometimes they don't want to make you feel inadequate my taking over, or sometimes they are nervous to get things wrong. And of course sometimes they're just lazy. For me, I just started leaving the bathroom and letting my husband get on with it. I'd go sort my LOs washing or something. Then they had to do bathtime. Before long they had their own little bathtime routine. I also made sure I said how much my LO loved his dad and whenever he smiles at him. When they do play I don't interuprt. Basically I just focused on my husbands confidence and building their bond. Now my husband is very active and engaged with my LO and more understanding with me (because he's experienced a little bit of it).

He always beams at him when he comes home from work and my husband can make him laugh a lot. I’ve tried doing things like sorting washing and leaving him downstairs with him or I’ve given him to my husband while I do something and he’ll put him in his jumperoo 🙃 I’m finding it hard to have the conversation with him about it because I know he will be hurt as he is quite sensitive and he’ll go on the offensive then. It just annoys me because our little boy gets grumpy from 6pm until bedtime at 7-7.15 so I just thought he’d make the most of weekends

I think sometimes it's a man thing they just don't have such a strong maternal/ paternal instinct. My partner is having a month of shared parental leave so he can enjoy uninterrupted time with bubs and he's really enjoying their deepening bond, whilst also developing an understanding of how exhausting it is! x

From my experience, I think it is a confidence thing. I’ve tried going out on a Saturday morning so that they have the morning together. It’s really helped. I also try to take a step back because I was giving too much guidance and not letting him figure things out. Maybe try leaving for a set time each week (if you can) and leave them to it. Offer time to answer his questions and give him guidance on routines etc and see how they get on.

It is definitely a man thing but l definitely agree they need to bond outside of you, so he can grow his confidence. It is hard but you’ve got this and he’ll surprise you. Find something to do an hour/2 give instructions and let him get on with it 💕

I'm just going to throw out there that most men don't think and unless you ask for help they don't know you're struggling

in our community

Is this clever or cruel?

My husband and i were talking and with social media and the internet in general being a terrifying dumpster fire, we are trying to figure out the best way to keep our son safe while still teaching him how to safely be online and moderation.

We landed on the idea of giving him the 90's kid treatment. A computer in the living room for us to keep an eye on what hes doing online, and once we feel hes mature enough to hang with friends without adult supervision he gets a flip phone. When we feel he is responsible enough and he earns and saves up the money for the physical phone, case, and screen cover, then we will be happy to take him to get a smart phone.

I thought this was air tight, but now my brother says its cruel to give a kid a flip phone, and besides he can just use his friends phones at school.

My husband and i remember a time before the internet, and we remember having complete access to something no one understood yet. We saw unspeakable things and are always battling with the urge to put the phone and social media down. I dont want that for my son, especially with his brain so vulnerable still.

Partner no longer wants baby #2

Before our son was born we originally both wanted minimum 2 kids but we were hoping for 3-4. My partner found the birth traumatic to watch and also struggled a lot with the newborn/baby stage. He no longer wants to have any more children and it’s completely breaking my heart. I need another baby. We’ve spoken about it a lot and the options. He said he wasn’t COMPLETELY closed off to it so I asked him to try and work through his feelings and reconsider his decision. He eventually said he definitely doesn’t want another. I know that I will always want one and my feelings will never change. Do we have to break up or does anyone know anything else I can do to help change his mind? Has anyone else’s partner said this and then changed their mind? I don’t want to break up because I adore him and our life together and I’d hate to split up our family for “selfish” reasons and make my son miss out on having both of us together but I just don’t know what to do

Nursery funding

My child turned 9 months last week. I applied for government funded hours nearly 2 months ago and so well within the required timeframe for the April term, however upon receiving my first invoice without the funding applied and having questioned this, I have now been informed that the stretched funding doesn’t start until 4th May.

Has anyone else been told it won’t start until May?

The government site states it should start from April 1st, and so I intentionally set my nursery start and return to work as the start of April for that reason, knowing that I wouldn’t be able to afford the nursery on my sole income without the funding

Jealous of my husband

I’m so jealous of him and it’s making me resentful. We have a ten week old and I’m jealous that he is at work all day. I’m jealous he can leave for lunch and actually eat an uninterrupted lunch. Take a phone call uninterrupted. Chat with a friend he runs in to uninterrupted. Even go to the bathroom when he wants uninterrupted. He comes home from work when he wants. He’s not on a set schedule. Some days are late some are early. It depends on when he’s done. I’m jealous he can come home at 10pm and shower, eat and go right to bed uninterrupted because I already have the baby asleep. He doesn’t have to worry about anything house wise or baby wise because I’ve done it all. Meanwhile I’m covered in puke and crap and smell like rotten milk. When he is home he is VERY active and helpful. So it’s not that. I’m just jealous his world hasn’t changed and mine has I guess. This isn’t something he’s doing wrong so I’m not sure how to get past this. I wish I could keep him home all day because that’s how helpful he is, but I understand he obv needs to work.

NHS job

Anyone work for the NHS and does 12 hour shifts? How do you work around childcare and your partners job?

He has no respect for anything to do with me.

Husband and I decided to separate 3 days ago. I've been sleeping on the floor in the kids room, and we both have to stay in the same apartment for a while. He wont stop pushing little things and I am reaching my limit. Photos in comments