Trust/Advice

I seriously don’t know what to do! My boyfriend (20) has always been clumsy, clueless, not aware & just not careful! I thought that would change when we had our twins but it hasn’t! I’ve communicated this with him multiple times after multiple incidents & nothing has changed. He says I’m being controlling.

One incident, he accidentally kicked our son knowing he was on the floor but didn’t even bother picking him up or making sure he was OK.

Then another time, he went to go pick up our daughter in the car seat, knowing she was not strapped in since we were all hanging outside with family! The handle of the car seat was pushed back so if he picked her up, she would’ve fallen straight on the concrete. I had too jump & stop him! I’ve told him about the careseat before since last time (thankfully she was strapped) she was dangling because he didn’t fix the handle!

He will fall asleep while he’s supposed to be watching the babies & I ended up coming home to our babies, screaming & soaked through because he was passed out on the couch.

I don’t know what to do since I don’t trust him with the babies but I have too go back to work soon! I don’t know if anyone has struggled with this, I’m not sure if it’s different between mothers & fathers. Communication just doesn’t seem to work with him & every time I try to talk too him he shifts the blame onto me (when I’ve given him no reason not too trust me with our twins) Misakes happen but it’s almost every day that I have to step up & stop him

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unfortunately, I don’t have anyone. I was thinking about getting a camera but I’m not sure if that’s too extreme

It’s not too extreme if he can fall asleep and not hear screaming babies. It’s a necessity to try to keep your children safe. But to be honest I wouldn’t leave the babies with him at all because you won’t be able to watch the camera the whole time. Can’t he get a job so that you can take care of them?

Are you sure there is no abuse going on?

he has a job but on his 2 days off, I’ll be working just too bring in extra money

I’m always with our twins, there’s never a time I leave them! Only that one time & I haven’t since. It’s just mistakes after mistakes

Awww man i wish you had more support. He can’t be trusted it seems like

Well, if you definitely need to work I hope he can up his game. I don’t have any advice I’m afraid as it sounds like his attitude needs fixing and only he can do that but he has to realise there’s an issue first 🤷‍♀️

Thank you

Just because you have kids doesn’t automatically make you responsible. A persons background is important to understand their flaws. A conscious and intentional effort has to be made in order for someone to change their way. It’s a hard change to make won’t be fixed overnight but there should be gradual changes. Idk how parenting classes work but he might need one and a life coach or something. Talking doesn’t help with a lot of people. Repetition/ guidance/ kind teaching moments can help in the meantime till you decide what you want to do. Keep protecting your baby’s. That kicking scenario is crazy 😳

Look my first born child has a SEVERE TRAUMATIC BRAIN INJURY due to dad dropping him. We lost him to the state. I would post on here check sittercity and care.com I would check and see if your employer has any kind of childcare benefits. I would check on daycare vouchers and vet them heavily at home ones with little old church ladies are the best ones I've found for little babies. DO NOT LIVE TO REGRET LEAVING THAT MAN WITH YOUR KIDS PLEASE. I'm begging I wish someone would have warned me.

Does he smoke weed or something? Is it he needs glasses or ADHD ADD? if so I'd tell him that either you get professional help for whatever he has going on or he can't be left with the kids until at least 3yrs old alone. I know it sounds harsh but I promise it's not as bad as the life they would be left with if the worst was to happen. I promise.(you can message me I'll give you my number and tell him the whole story.)

thank you so much, I’m so very sorry

He has ADHD but so do I! He doesn’t smoke or drink and no need for glasses! I told him that I don’t trust him and I would rather not go back too work until change is made! He ended up telling me I can’t do that, he’s their father and he’ll take it too court!

You're very welcome and if Noah's story helps save another child from the same fate I can find some small solace in that fact

How many more accidents/mistakes are going to happen until something very bad happens? I’m sorry but I would not be leaving my babies with him, father or not!!

No, he said his hands were dirty & he wasn’t cry so that’s why he didn’t pick him up! The moment he kicked him, he just stared at him on the floor. I had too jump up (dirty hands too) and pick our son up!

I’ve told him that, but he said he’s their father, I can’t do that and he’ll take it too court. I told another comment I’m thinking about getting a camera but I can’t be with our babies all the time. I only ever leave the house for errands and even then. That one time I went out too grab groceries was when I found him passed out asleep on the couch

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I've finally done it

I have finally done it. I have finally become the trope, the stereotype.

I have become bitter, resentful, and very overwhelmed and overloaded. I am very unhappy and hit burnout. And I snapped at my husband last night. I work full-time, and work has been very busy so im working late a lot. Im also in grad school. I also have a toddler that has become VERY clingy with me. My husband works shorter days but commutes, so he usually gets home after me by an hour or more. When he gets home, he usually heads to the restroom for at least 30 mins when he gets home. And now my toddler doesnt want anything to do with him. So im doing all the toddler duties until bed. I dont get 5 mins to myself. Not for almost 2 years. I finally hit my wall. I have also, somehow, become my MILs medical ride service and she somehow has an appt every week, it seems?! Shes not sick!! My husband was complaining that he needs to change routine to fit in a workout sometimes, and I lost it. I have been BEGGING for 5 mins to myself for months. I have been telling him how im not good, im going to burn out for months. And between his attitude and him complaining (which really got me b/c he blames me for not being able to work out?! Saying I need help when he gets home so he just cant workout now) I just lost it completely. I told him how unfair my life has become and I have the entire mental and emotional load and it is just not fair. He got mad at me and said "hes trying" when hes literally not trying at all. What do I do?? No one is taking the load from me! And im done and dont know what to do now.
I do not like this version of me.

AITA?

This isn't a major issue, just wondering if I'm being a bit of an asshole.

• I do shift work, 5 out of 7 days, full-time.
• My partner works from home (mostly, sometimes he goes into the office) M-F, full-time.

Anyway, whenever I have a day off during the week he gets in his feelings when I make myself food (breakfast and lunch) but not him. His reason is he's working, I'm not - Which is fair but I've asked him how many times on a weekend has he gotten up, on his day off and made me breakfast and a lunch to take with me to work? You guessed it, 0.

So basically, just because I'm at home I don't think the responsibility to feed him should automatically fall on me when he manages to feed himself just fine while I'm at work.

If your partners parent passes away

And you and that parent didn't get along are you still go to the funeral?

Not my situation!

Big vent!

Hi mums.
I'm a first time mum in my 40s to twin boys.They are almost 5 months old and the biggest miracle in my life!
I am struggling!!!
I'm pretty sure I have ppa as my pregnancy was a very high risk and all I remember was crying from anxiety of all the ifs!Thankfully even born at 35 weeks and skinny,didn't need iu time.
My husband is not helping much because he's always too busy with work.He will "look" after them usually between 8pm-12am so I can have a chance to sleep.
He expects me to just sleep when I touch the pillow,even though I hear tje babies crying and him don't really bother because most of the times he'll be on his laptop working.
When I tell him I can't relax to fall asleep because I feel you r neglecting the babies,he says I'm the problem becauae I'm always there with them and don't give them alone time!!
I am angry!!I am furious!!
I can't keep.up.with housework becauae someone alwaya neess me and most of the times they nap I either cook and clean tje kitchen,do laundry or try and take a quick nap.
He doesn't help.around the house,becauae..guess what?always super busy.
I asked him nicely we could clean the house together every Saturday morning so it's easier and quicker for both of us and he said no,because he has a lot of work but probably wants to sleep until 12 or 2.
2 days ago a button of his coat ripped and I told him I'll sew it these days.
Earlier this morning while running late for his work,as always,he weara the coat and told him didn't get the chance to fix the button and sarcastically said..of.course u didn't!!!
I spent all night awake because one of the babies had congested nose and we've been trying to reduce one fees at night.
I wanted to punch him!!He left and I started crying...I cry so much,even at 5 months pp...
I can't go on like this anymoreeeee...
The crying in my ears is constant..my head is always numb..I've gained so much weight and can't find the strength to get back on track..
Even if I try to.find a therapist to just talk,is it gonna help?I really don't know😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Is this clever or cruel?

My husband and i were talking and with social media and the internet in general being a terrifying dumpster fire, we are trying to figure out the best way to keep our son safe while still teaching him how to safely be online and moderation.

We landed on the idea of giving him the 90's kid treatment. A computer in the living room for us to keep an eye on what hes doing online, and once we feel hes mature enough to hang with friends without adult supervision he gets a flip phone. When we feel he is responsible enough and he earns and saves up the money for the physical phone, case, and screen cover, then we will be happy to take him to get a smart phone.

I thought this was air tight, but now my brother says its cruel to give a kid a flip phone, and besides he can just use his friends phones at school.

My husband and i remember a time before the internet, and we remember having complete access to something no one understood yet. We saw unspeakable things and are always battling with the urge to put the phone and social media down. I dont want that for my son, especially with his brain so vulnerable still.

Avoidant husband

I love my husband and he is a good man. We have some issues in our relationship however, as he has an avoidant attachment style (finds romance/intimacy/being emotional difficult). This comes from him having to be independent from a young age and having quite an abusive mother.
The issues in our relationship are mainly around a lack of sex and intimacy. I think the problem is that to feel turned on, I need to feel connected and wanted. My husband (being avoidant) will usually make jokes about being horny whereas I would want to have someone make me feel beautiful/sexy to get in the mood.
It sounds terrible but I've sometimes had dreams about exes that would make me feel this way, and the romance we had (eye contact, intensity, deep words). It makes me feel really guilty but I feel like i'm starved of that. My husband would like a lot more sex but I can't always force myself if I'm not feeling it.
We've spoken a bit about therapy but I know its often really expensive so we probably wouldn't be able to afford it. Do you have any suggestions please? I know that neither of us are wrong in what we want, just different but I'm scared about whether we can fix it or if we're doomed?