Advice

Hi so I’ve been with my partner for a year and a bit now and I love him he’s great but he’s got a few things that have started to annoy me. He’s not helping much financially. We’re 22 weeks Tuesday and I’ve paid for everything, all the clothes the hats mittens the cot the pram everything really. I’ve asked him to help pay for things and he’s not interested. He’s dismissive and a little bit arsey these days. He isn’t acknowledging there’s a baby coming soon and every time I ask him for something even if it’s rubbing my back he finds it so hard to do.

His mum sees no wrong with him even when he’s been disloyal and point blank rude to me. We’ve moved in to a flat and he’s put everything on me and I’m struggling cause I’ve been really unwell recently.I work at a nursery and I’m picking up so many bugs. I’m constantly throwing up and he’s being so difficult idk how to get him to start pulling his weight and stop expecting me to do his laundry and dishes and so on

Read more on Peanut

The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.

Learn more about our guidelines.

Add a comment

me and my family have tried to talk to him and explain the severity of the situation he just agrees and says he’s going to change but he doesn’t. He keeps using the miscarriage as an excuse to not have to deal with anything baby related and it sounds harsh but I don’t think the miscarriage bothered him much considering he cheated right after and blamed me for not being apologetic enough for the miscarriage

Apologetic???? Why should you have to apologise for having a miscarriage?

I'm sorry that you have to go through this. I would start planning my plan b(life without him) just in case xo

Why on earth did you carry on seeing this man after you not being sorry enough? Cheating on you after a miscarriage? You decided to have a baby and move in together. I'm really sorry but you put yourself in the worst situation here and its very very hard to get out of. The last thing you want is to be dependant on this man, he will leave the baby down to you, he will kick up a fuss when he has to contribute and by the sounds of it don't expect rest when baby is born, if your still getting a full wage now I'd look in to moving and doing this yourself I've been there and I can't stress enough how hard it is to move out and leave someone when you have no money 💔 I really hope you see that you deserve so much better than this and so does your baby

just messaged X

I was in this position

If he isn’t stepping up then you step down. You can do this solo mama you don’t need him. If he isn’t pulling his weight get him gone. Hopefully it makes him step up if not then you haven’t really lost anything

this guy doesn't sound "great" he sounds noncommittal... his actions,or should I say inaction, scream of a man who isn't ready to settle down. he's careless, rude and childish... I don't think this can be nipped in the butt, this is who he IS. decide now if this behavior is something you want for yourself and your child.

that’s what I’ve been thinking myself. I’m pretty much doing it alone anyway and I need a good role model for my baby

I think after the miscarriage I just broke I didn’t have any support he was the only person I had and everything he said I sort of believed. I take full responsibility of the fact that I should have been less naive because this baby doesn’t deserve a broken home. I’ve moved out I found a house that thankfully I can afford on my wage alone and I do want this baby to have a good role model. As selfish as it sounds I think it’s gonna hurt so much to leave as he’s the only person I’ve been this open with ever and I put so much in to trying to change his shit but I’ve completely lost myself in the process and I know baby deserves better

in our community

I've finally done it

I have finally done it. I have finally become the trope, the stereotype.

I have become bitter, resentful, and very overwhelmed and overloaded. I am very unhappy and hit burnout. And I snapped at my husband last night. I work full-time, and work has been very busy so im working late a lot. Im also in grad school. I also have a toddler that has become VERY clingy with me. My husband works shorter days but commutes, so he usually gets home after me by an hour or more. When he gets home, he usually heads to the restroom for at least 30 mins when he gets home. And now my toddler doesnt want anything to do with him. So im doing all the toddler duties until bed. I dont get 5 mins to myself. Not for almost 2 years. I finally hit my wall. I have also, somehow, become my MILs medical ride service and she somehow has an appt every week, it seems?! Shes not sick!! My husband was complaining that he needs to change routine to fit in a workout sometimes, and I lost it. I have been BEGGING for 5 mins to myself for months. I have been telling him how im not good, im going to burn out for months. And between his attitude and him complaining (which really got me b/c he blames me for not being able to work out?! Saying I need help when he gets home so he just cant workout now) I just lost it completely. I told him how unfair my life has become and I have the entire mental and emotional load and it is just not fair. He got mad at me and said "hes trying" when hes literally not trying at all. What do I do?? No one is taking the load from me! And im done and dont know what to do now.
I do not like this version of me.

Is this clever or cruel?

My husband and i were talking and with social media and the internet in general being a terrifying dumpster fire, we are trying to figure out the best way to keep our son safe while still teaching him how to safely be online and moderation.

We landed on the idea of giving him the 90's kid treatment. A computer in the living room for us to keep an eye on what hes doing online, and once we feel hes mature enough to hang with friends without adult supervision he gets a flip phone. When we feel he is responsible enough and he earns and saves up the money for the physical phone, case, and screen cover, then we will be happy to take him to get a smart phone.

I thought this was air tight, but now my brother says its cruel to give a kid a flip phone, and besides he can just use his friends phones at school.

My husband and i remember a time before the internet, and we remember having complete access to something no one understood yet. We saw unspeakable things and are always battling with the urge to put the phone and social media down. I dont want that for my son, especially with his brain so vulnerable still.

If your partners parent passes away

And you and that parent didn't get along are you still go to the funeral?

Not my situation!

Partner no longer wants baby #2

Before our son was born we originally both wanted minimum 2 kids but we were hoping for 3-4. My partner found the birth traumatic to watch and also struggled a lot with the newborn/baby stage. He no longer wants to have any more children and it’s completely breaking my heart. I need another baby. We’ve spoken about it a lot and the options. He said he wasn’t COMPLETELY closed off to it so I asked him to try and work through his feelings and reconsider his decision. He eventually said he definitely doesn’t want another. I know that I will always want one and my feelings will never change. Do we have to break up or does anyone know anything else I can do to help change his mind? Has anyone else’s partner said this and then changed their mind? I don’t want to break up because I adore him and our life together and I’d hate to split up our family for “selfish” reasons and make my son miss out on having both of us together but I just don’t know what to do

Nursery funding

My child turned 9 months last week. I applied for government funded hours nearly 2 months ago and so well within the required timeframe for the April term, however upon receiving my first invoice without the funding applied and having questioned this, I have now been informed that the stretched funding doesn’t start until 4th May.

Has anyone else been told it won’t start until May?

The government site states it should start from April 1st, and so I intentionally set my nursery start and return to work as the start of April for that reason, knowing that I wouldn’t be able to afford the nursery on my sole income without the funding

Jealous of my husband

I’m so jealous of him and it’s making me resentful. We have a ten week old and I’m jealous that he is at work all day. I’m jealous he can leave for lunch and actually eat an uninterrupted lunch. Take a phone call uninterrupted. Chat with a friend he runs in to uninterrupted. Even go to the bathroom when he wants uninterrupted. He comes home from work when he wants. He’s not on a set schedule. Some days are late some are early. It depends on when he’s done. I’m jealous he can come home at 10pm and shower, eat and go right to bed uninterrupted because I already have the baby asleep. He doesn’t have to worry about anything house wise or baby wise because I’ve done it all. Meanwhile I’m covered in puke and crap and smell like rotten milk. When he is home he is VERY active and helpful. So it’s not that. I’m just jealous his world hasn’t changed and mine has I guess. This isn’t something he’s doing wrong so I’m not sure how to get past this. I wish I could keep him home all day because that’s how helpful he is, but I understand he obv needs to work.