can't bring myself to ask for help

i live with my boyfriend and his parents, my little girl is just over 3 weeks old
i am so tired, my boyfriend is back at work so i'm waking up in the night to feed and change baby and then i'm doing everything in the day time too, even when my boyfriend gets home from work.
his parents have offered to help out and keep mentioning that if i want them to watch her for an hour so i can get things done or have a nap then i can leave her with them
i've been fine up until the last two days, both days i've woken up in the morning with a really bad headache and feeling really sick, i really want to ask my boyfriends parents to watch her so i can have a shower and go back to sleep for a bit but i just can't get myself to ask them, part of me wants some time to myself and part of me wants my baby with me at all times, plus i have anxiety and physically can't ask them to watch her
i feel like i can't ask for the help because i want to prove i can do it, and if i do ask for help then i've failed a little bit
plus i feel bad asking for help at the moment, his parents have a lot on with his 12 year old nephew having a huge brain surgery yesterday and he's away from home so they're worrying and i don't want to add to the stress

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If they've already mentioned it, they're happy to help. Just go downstairs and say you have a bad headache and need more sleep, then if they offer to help say yes. Don't feel guilty about having needs, you're human and need care too.

You won’t be adding any stress for them, it’d probably be a nice distraction from the situation for a short while! I completely understand the anxiety, but don’t think of it as a burden to them, I’m sure they’d absolutely love to spend time with her. You haven’t failed and you have nothing to prove, everyone deserves to have their basic needs met💛

If they've offered to help take the oportunity to have some time for yourself too. You need to take care of yourself as well, not just the baby. Just take all the help you can get, it will do you good😊

It’s an hour …. Just ask them! I’m sure they will love the baby time. I’d kill for anyone to offer to help me with my little girl… take the help

They’ve already offered so it shows they’re keen and it will probably make them really happy. Everybody needs help sometimes, you can’t do it alone. Well you probably could but you need to allow yourself the odd hour or two for yourself for your own well-being so you can continue to take the best care of your baby x

I could have written this post. I was the exact same with my first baby and wanted to show everyone I could do it all. With my second baby, there’s just no way, so I’m taking up all the offers of help people give. It helps me, and they also like to help so everyone wins!

If they are offering the help accept it. Omg I wish my in laws could offer me more help. I have mastitis for 3rd time and I had a huge argument with my mother in law because she is the only one I have here who can help me and she didn’t want to come during the night to help me and my husband. Now I am taking care of the baby on my own and cut all the ties with her

it's getting to this point with my mum, my boyfriends parents are the best, they've bought us all sorts and always want to see my baby and help out but my mum does absolutely nothing, she hasn't even messaged or called to ask about me or the baby since she turned up at the hospital uninvited while i was giving birth and constantly posts pictures of my baby on facebook when she's only seen her once or twice when we've been to see my dad
before i moved out me and my mum was really close and still spoke a lot after moving out, she'd call me constantly, but since having my baby it's like she wants nothing to do with me anymore

Would it help if you didn’t look at it as helping you but instead looked at it as bonding time for them and the baby? You would be right there if baby needed you but while they are having some bonding time you can get some rest.

If they are offering help and you trust them TAKE IT. No one helps me with my 3 lmfao.

What do you feel would help you? Maybe in laws making some bottles instead so you don’t leave baby? Or having a 10 minute shower whilst they watch baby? Build up the time slowly to ease your anxiety.. it sounds like they’d be happy to help x

in our community

Is this clever or cruel?

My husband and i were talking and with social media and the internet in general being a terrifying dumpster fire, we are trying to figure out the best way to keep our son safe while still teaching him how to safely be online and moderation.

We landed on the idea of giving him the 90's kid treatment. A computer in the living room for us to keep an eye on what hes doing online, and once we feel hes mature enough to hang with friends without adult supervision he gets a flip phone. When we feel he is responsible enough and he earns and saves up the money for the physical phone, case, and screen cover, then we will be happy to take him to get a smart phone.

I thought this was air tight, but now my brother says its cruel to give a kid a flip phone, and besides he can just use his friends phones at school.

My husband and i remember a time before the internet, and we remember having complete access to something no one understood yet. We saw unspeakable things and are always battling with the urge to put the phone and social media down. I dont want that for my son, especially with his brain so vulnerable still.

If your partners parent passes away

And you and that parent didn't get along are you still go to the funeral?

Not my situation!

Partner no longer wants baby #2

Before our son was born we originally both wanted minimum 2 kids but we were hoping for 3-4. My partner found the birth traumatic to watch and also struggled a lot with the newborn/baby stage. He no longer wants to have any more children and it’s completely breaking my heart. I need another baby. We’ve spoken about it a lot and the options. He said he wasn’t COMPLETELY closed off to it so I asked him to try and work through his feelings and reconsider his decision. He eventually said he definitely doesn’t want another. I know that I will always want one and my feelings will never change. Do we have to break up or does anyone know anything else I can do to help change his mind? Has anyone else’s partner said this and then changed their mind? I don’t want to break up because I adore him and our life together and I’d hate to split up our family for “selfish” reasons and make my son miss out on having both of us together but I just don’t know what to do

Nursery funding

My child turned 9 months last week. I applied for government funded hours nearly 2 months ago and so well within the required timeframe for the April term, however upon receiving my first invoice without the funding applied and having questioned this, I have now been informed that the stretched funding doesn’t start until 4th May.

Has anyone else been told it won’t start until May?

The government site states it should start from April 1st, and so I intentionally set my nursery start and return to work as the start of April for that reason, knowing that I wouldn’t be able to afford the nursery on my sole income without the funding

NHS job

Anyone work for the NHS and does 12 hour shifts? How do you work around childcare and your partners job?

Jealous of my husband

I’m so jealous of him and it’s making me resentful. We have a ten week old and I’m jealous that he is at work all day. I’m jealous he can leave for lunch and actually eat an uninterrupted lunch. Take a phone call uninterrupted. Chat with a friend he runs in to uninterrupted. Even go to the bathroom when he wants uninterrupted. He comes home from work when he wants. He’s not on a set schedule. Some days are late some are early. It depends on when he’s done. I’m jealous he can come home at 10pm and shower, eat and go right to bed uninterrupted because I already have the baby asleep. He doesn’t have to worry about anything house wise or baby wise because I’ve done it all. Meanwhile I’m covered in puke and crap and smell like rotten milk. When he is home he is VERY active and helpful. So it’s not that. I’m just jealous his world hasn’t changed and mine has I guess. This isn’t something he’s doing wrong so I’m not sure how to get past this. I wish I could keep him home all day because that’s how helpful he is, but I understand he obv needs to work.