SAHM/FTM marriage help

How do we get a break when we have no family or friends around?

My mental health is declining rapidly. I need a break, but the only person who can give that to me is my husband. We have no friends or family around.

Background: We moved from Seattle to Houston 2021, been together 5.5yrs. We have an almost 1yr old daughter.

I need a break but so does he. He works full time to support me and my daughter staying home. But SAHM is also a job to take care of the house and our daughter.

I’ve grown to be a grumpy resentful person 24/7. And we are all unhappy because of it.

We are home bodies and don’t do much with our lives. We are socially awkward and shy people who have struggled to make friends since moving here.

I just don’t know what to do. I don’t want my marriage to fail.

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gym membership and church daycare 🫶🥲 i’ve made friends in my area and still don’t ask cause i feel like i bother them 😭

Can you get a nanny/babysitter for a few hours ?

We tried care.com

Even with my 10yrs of child care experience I can’t imagine leaving my daughter with someone I don’t have long lasting relationship with and can trust wholeheartedly.

So you don’t have friends or family around

Hard to make friends

Don’t trust anyone to watch her 😂

Not many other options 😔

Following because same… the last week I’ve been ready to just off myself..

I was in the same boat. I suggest finding mommy friends. Find hobbies where you can take her. Find one day in the month where you just have a day for you and he can watch the baby all day. Go get a pedi, watch a movie, take yourself to the movies.

This has been my reality for four years bc I don’t trust anyone other than a grandparent w my children. I tried to have my MIL come to town but she works all the time. So ultimately I’ve made many changes in our daily lives to where I don’t necessarily feel like I need a break. For example… I nap when they nap, I no longer try to entertain them 24/7, I don’t stress trying to keep a spotless home, I outsource in other areas like having things deliveried so I don’t go through the overwhelming emotions & hassles of shopping with three under three. Don’t get me wrong some moments are still hard being with small children 24/7, even homeschooling & cosleeping but it’s suppose to be, nothing good in life is easy but these small changes have helped my mental tremendously.

I also got into herbs that help calm my nervous system, so I’m not anxious or a wreck. Chamomile tea 👍

Also let me just say
I definitely was where you are now
I have 4 kids
2 under 2 at the time
I was so depressed I didn’t want to live

But also I had no family around no friends
And didn’t trust anyone to watch them

I decided to get my life back
I choose not to live in fear or with anxiety
I started to make other mom friends from this app
We would take the kids on little adventures
Aquarium, playgrounds, beach etc

Then I eventually got close with those friends were we would hangout with our husbands
Grill out in the back, let the kids run around while we still get a social outlet

Then I also decide to actually try a nanny
(Which isn’t so bad)
We installed cameras in the house
And when we really want a date night
We have her babysit for only 3 hours or less
Just to have one on one time.

Also when the babies go to bed
We make time for each other
Even if it’s cuddled up watching a movie

We are in the EXACT same situation!! The timing of this post couldn’t be more perfect. Been in Dallas 5 years and no family/friends out here. I only trust family to watch my boys and am a SAHM and this is what we do:
When my husband gets home from work at 3:45 ish he multitasks and eats a little something while helping out with our twin boys. Our bedtime for the boys is 6pm so as soon as we put them down at least once a week he goes out and hangs out with friends. It’s perfect because the boys are asleep so nothing I have to do but relax! And hubby gets a break. Then on the weekends when he ‘s home all day he watches the boys while I leave in the mornings and take a walk, get coffee, whatever!
I highly suggest and has saved my sanity!! I’ve been doing this for the last 30 days and it has drastically improved my mental health. It’s a win-win-win because we both get a break (separately unfortunately) and our boys are taken care of. Hope this helps!! ♥️

So I’m in a similar situation as far as not having anyone to help and work from home with both our kids, and the obvious advice is to find a community but that’s also way easier said than done lol What’s made a world of difference for me though is staying up late (though it helps that my kids go to sleep when my husband does around 10:30-11 which means they and I also sleep in lol). Having a few hours completely to myself at night helps me to be able to really plug into what I can’t make time for during the day and just helps me feel so much more refreshed. Also a lot of what recommended lol

having a real break and child care is hard honestly. I can say it's not forever, I'd focus on maybe things you can do together and try switching off who is "on call" for baby. Drive-in movie, day at the park, and really focus on the good, set low expectations for outcomes.

As baby gets bigger and more verbal you may feel better about gym daycare while you workout near by.

Also, a focused movie night at home with a fun Disney movie can keep things low key and let one parent be the active one and the other take a long bath or play some video games in the other room.

It's not a perfect solution but it's not forever. Sending good energy ✨

Local Mumma’s group. Do it! Find some good friends and have each others kids for a half day a week and take some time to zen!

See abou both you guys establishing 'Me Time' where like you both switch off weekends where each of you get x amount of time (like 2-3 hour ) to yourself. I think that can be manageable and just habe open communication and work as a team in that department.

Once to twice a month I leave the house to have girl time with a friend and hubs has our daughter 3-4 hours. And everyother weekend I watch our daughter for 4-5 hours while he has a video game day with his group of friends.

This works for us and we just communicate when we are having that time.

We have no friends or family to leave our boy with. Once per year our family comes to us from another country for week and that's it really.
I just accepted that my life changed.

I accepted that our boy spends with us constantly, we just do with him eveything as we will do as couple alone ( besides partying etcc). We go for hikes, bowling, spas, pools, trips, pubs together..

I changed my mindset to " it will not last forever, let's enjoy every moment with our kiddo which will grow soon and we will miss these moments.

But we make sure we have ME time in week .
I have my one hour per day when my son sleeps for myself and my partner as well. In ME time I do my hobbies.

But we sent out boy to childminder that I can go to work for 2 days per week. And you just have to try to trust people to look after your child. I was really anxious about it. Until I have seen how my son is excited to go to her and play there. And it helped him a lot with talking and social skills..

We miss our date times or even sleeping until 9 AM together without screaming of my child in background but I know it will not last forever. And we use any 5 seconds being alone to just have a quick hug or kiss.

in our community

I've finally done it

I have finally done it. I have finally become the trope, the stereotype.

I have become bitter, resentful, and very overwhelmed and overloaded. I am very unhappy and hit burnout. And I snapped at my husband last night. I work full-time, and work has been very busy so im working late a lot. Im also in grad school. I also have a toddler that has become VERY clingy with me. My husband works shorter days but commutes, so he usually gets home after me by an hour or more. When he gets home, he usually heads to the restroom for at least 30 mins when he gets home. And now my toddler doesnt want anything to do with him. So im doing all the toddler duties until bed. I dont get 5 mins to myself. Not for almost 2 years. I finally hit my wall. I have also, somehow, become my MILs medical ride service and she somehow has an appt every week, it seems?! Shes not sick!! My husband was complaining that he needs to change routine to fit in a workout sometimes, and I lost it. I have been BEGGING for 5 mins to myself for months. I have been telling him how im not good, im going to burn out for months. And between his attitude and him complaining (which really got me b/c he blames me for not being able to work out?! Saying I need help when he gets home so he just cant workout now) I just lost it completely. I told him how unfair my life has become and I have the entire mental and emotional load and it is just not fair. He got mad at me and said "hes trying" when hes literally not trying at all. What do I do?? No one is taking the load from me! And im done and dont know what to do now.
I do not like this version of me.

AITA?

This isn't a major issue, just wondering if I'm being a bit of an asshole.

• I do shift work, 5 out of 7 days, full-time.
• My partner works from home (mostly, sometimes he goes into the office) M-F, full-time.

Anyway, whenever I have a day off during the week he gets in his feelings when I make myself food (breakfast and lunch) but not him. His reason is he's working, I'm not - Which is fair but I've asked him how many times on a weekend has he gotten up, on his day off and made me breakfast and a lunch to take with me to work? You guessed it, 0.

So basically, just because I'm at home I don't think the responsibility to feed him should automatically fall on me when he manages to feed himself just fine while I'm at work.

Big vent!

Hi mums.
I'm a first time mum in my 40s to twin boys.They are almost 5 months old and the biggest miracle in my life!
I am struggling!!!
I'm pretty sure I have ppa as my pregnancy was a very high risk and all I remember was crying from anxiety of all the ifs!Thankfully even born at 35 weeks and skinny,didn't need iu time.
My husband is not helping much because he's always too busy with work.He will "look" after them usually between 8pm-12am so I can have a chance to sleep.
He expects me to just sleep when I touch the pillow,even though I hear tje babies crying and him don't really bother because most of the times he'll be on his laptop working.
When I tell him I can't relax to fall asleep because I feel you r neglecting the babies,he says I'm the problem becauae I'm always there with them and don't give them alone time!!
I am angry!!I am furious!!
I can't keep.up.with housework becauae someone alwaya neess me and most of the times they nap I either cook and clean tje kitchen,do laundry or try and take a quick nap.
He doesn't help.around the house,becauae..guess what?always super busy.
I asked him nicely we could clean the house together every Saturday morning so it's easier and quicker for both of us and he said no,because he has a lot of work but probably wants to sleep until 12 or 2.
2 days ago a button of his coat ripped and I told him I'll sew it these days.
Earlier this morning while running late for his work,as always,he weara the coat and told him didn't get the chance to fix the button and sarcastically said..of.course u didn't!!!
I spent all night awake because one of the babies had congested nose and we've been trying to reduce one fees at night.
I wanted to punch him!!He left and I started crying...I cry so much,even at 5 months pp...
I can't go on like this anymoreeeee...
The crying in my ears is constant..my head is always numb..I've gained so much weight and can't find the strength to get back on track..
Even if I try to.find a therapist to just talk,is it gonna help?I really don't know😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

If your partners parent passes away

And you and that parent didn't get along are you still go to the funeral?

Not my situation!

Avoidant husband

I love my husband and he is a good man. We have some issues in our relationship however, as he has an avoidant attachment style (finds romance/intimacy/being emotional difficult). This comes from him having to be independent from a young age and having quite an abusive mother.
The issues in our relationship are mainly around a lack of sex and intimacy. I think the problem is that to feel turned on, I need to feel connected and wanted. My husband (being avoidant) will usually make jokes about being horny whereas I would want to have someone make me feel beautiful/sexy to get in the mood.
It sounds terrible but I've sometimes had dreams about exes that would make me feel this way, and the romance we had (eye contact, intensity, deep words). It makes me feel really guilty but I feel like i'm starved of that. My husband would like a lot more sex but I can't always force myself if I'm not feeling it.
We've spoken a bit about therapy but I know its often really expensive so we probably wouldn't be able to afford it. Do you have any suggestions please? I know that neither of us are wrong in what we want, just different but I'm scared about whether we can fix it or if we're doomed?

Is this clever or cruel?

My husband and i were talking and with social media and the internet in general being a terrifying dumpster fire, we are trying to figure out the best way to keep our son safe while still teaching him how to safely be online and moderation.

We landed on the idea of giving him the 90's kid treatment. A computer in the living room for us to keep an eye on what hes doing online, and once we feel hes mature enough to hang with friends without adult supervision he gets a flip phone. When we feel he is responsible enough and he earns and saves up the money for the physical phone, case, and screen cover, then we will be happy to take him to get a smart phone.

I thought this was air tight, but now my brother says its cruel to give a kid a flip phone, and besides he can just use his friends phones at school.

My husband and i remember a time before the internet, and we remember having complete access to something no one understood yet. We saw unspeakable things and are always battling with the urge to put the phone and social media down. I dont want that for my son, especially with his brain so vulnerable still.