How to Handle MIL?

So there’s always been issues with the in-laws right from the get go. My husband has had issues with them long before I came into the picture as well. MIL is very controlling, invasive, emotionally manipulative, etc. FIL (hub’s step father) is downright narcissistic, abusive, and toxic. About a year and a half ago, things came to a bit of a head and we stopped visiting them on a weekly basis. We still do holidays, and the occasional once every few months visit in a public setting, but that is it.

The issue is that MIL is pushing for weekly visits again like a mad woman and I’m honestly fed up with it for so many reasons. It’s a delicate situation because FIL made serious threats to ruin my husband’s career, but if that information comes to light (only FIL, my husband, and I know about it), it will blow up and probably end up in FIL making good on those threats, I’m a SAHM with no career even prior to having kids, I only ever had minimum wage jobs.

My husband doesn’t want to be honest with his mother because she’s going to twist everything to make her the victim, probably run to her husband, and FIL will pull the plug. MIL has gone to emotionally manipulating tactics again and I just want to say enough is enough and tell her off, but I’m trying to follow my husband’s lead and keep quite for the sake of protecting my children and their one and only financial support. But instead of respecting my husband when he tells his mother that he’s not ready to have this difficult conversation, she harasses and bullies to have this conversation sooner. She has this sick idea that my kids are solely responsible for her happiness and not seeing them every week has put her into a depression. She still gets holidays, she still gets FaceTime when the kids ask, we just don’t go to their toxic home every week anymore because it was destroying our marriage and family. It is unfair to my toddler and baby to make them responsible for her happiness. That’s unfair to anyone, never mind kids that would have to grow up under that sort of pressure. There’s many other issues that I won’t deeply discuss like the things said and done behind my back, not listening to my child’s autistic needs, etc. etc. etc. I could honestly write a book.

My question is, I guess, what do I do????? She complains about it all to my husband privately because she thinks I’m gatekeeping her access to the kids and stealing them and my husband from her. I hear about it all when my husband gets off the phone with her. He won’t be honest with her, just kind of ignores her when she crosses a line and bides his time until she blows up again then does it all over again. Do I sit back and let my husband keep doing what he’s doing? Do I step in and be the “bad guy”? Last time I stood up for myself after MIL went complaining about me to my own mother wanting her to force me to change, shit hit the fan, I was called names, my husband was called names. BIL tried getting police involved, it was awful. Sorry for the long post. TIA

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