Overwhelmed

Dose anyone else feel more overwhelmed/stressed when there partner is at home, I feel like I have twice as much to when he is here in regards to house work and caring for baby 😫

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Sometimes, especially if he's having a rough day. We both are just trying our best to adjust to having a new baby

4 months in and totally get you. Had a conversation with my OH and we work much better. Best to take a deep breath and try to talk it through 🤞.

Absolutely! I feel yah! Especially when you’re taking care of baby all day and night . I struggle with getting a break sometimes that my mood changes and I can be short bc of exhaustion. Feel like husbands just don’t get what we do for our little ones after not getting any time for our selves all day.

https://english.emmaclit.com/2017/05/20/you-shouldve-asked/

Try sharing this with your partner. It’s amazing how few people realise they’re overwhelmed because of the invisible mental load.

It shouldn’t all have to be your responsibility. You should get an equal amount of down time. If it feels like your partner/spouse is getting loads of time to relax and you get none, it’s time to have a conversation about what tasks he can take ownership of from now on, so that you can get some time to relax.

And don’t let him make excuses. My husband is a doctor who works long hours with a long commute, but he comes home and immediately gets stuck in with childcare, then does chores like dishes and bins and laundry once baby is asleep. He says he doesn’t feel entitled to sit down and rest until he knows I get the same.

If he can do it with his job, I don’t know many who have a good excuse not to adopt the same attitude to equality in the home.

Yesss. I definitely feel a shift in my mood as soon as he comes home from work sometimes. He does help out with washing dishes/bottles and laundry sometimes when he comes home but I’ve noticed that when he does it just gets half done and then I have to finish it for him.

When it comes to taking care of baby, I feel on edge when he steps in to try to give me a break because he messes up the habits and routines I’ve been trying to implement. 😩

Yessss! My daughters bedtime is just before my partner gets home, but sometimes she doesn’t always go down to sleep when she’s supposed to so my partner comes home and immediately wants to play with her which only makes her wake up instead of get sleepy. Then I’m the one dealing with a cranky overtired baby because he’s “going to shower” or “going to eat dinner”

literally same!! And then gets mad when I tell him not to do that because I’m being controlling and he just wants to spend some time and engage with our son 🙃

in our community

I've finally done it

I have finally done it. I have finally become the trope, the stereotype.

I have become bitter, resentful, and very overwhelmed and overloaded. I am very unhappy and hit burnout. And I snapped at my husband last night. I work full-time, and work has been very busy so im working late a lot. Im also in grad school. I also have a toddler that has become VERY clingy with me. My husband works shorter days but commutes, so he usually gets home after me by an hour or more. When he gets home, he usually heads to the restroom for at least 30 mins when he gets home. And now my toddler doesnt want anything to do with him. So im doing all the toddler duties until bed. I dont get 5 mins to myself. Not for almost 2 years. I finally hit my wall. I have also, somehow, become my MILs medical ride service and she somehow has an appt every week, it seems?! Shes not sick!! My husband was complaining that he needs to change routine to fit in a workout sometimes, and I lost it. I have been BEGGING for 5 mins to myself for months. I have been telling him how im not good, im going to burn out for months. And between his attitude and him complaining (which really got me b/c he blames me for not being able to work out?! Saying I need help when he gets home so he just cant workout now) I just lost it completely. I told him how unfair my life has become and I have the entire mental and emotional load and it is just not fair. He got mad at me and said "hes trying" when hes literally not trying at all. What do I do?? No one is taking the load from me! And im done and dont know what to do now.
I do not like this version of me.

Is this clever or cruel?

My husband and i were talking and with social media and the internet in general being a terrifying dumpster fire, we are trying to figure out the best way to keep our son safe while still teaching him how to safely be online and moderation.

We landed on the idea of giving him the 90's kid treatment. A computer in the living room for us to keep an eye on what hes doing online, and once we feel hes mature enough to hang with friends without adult supervision he gets a flip phone. When we feel he is responsible enough and he earns and saves up the money for the physical phone, case, and screen cover, then we will be happy to take him to get a smart phone.

I thought this was air tight, but now my brother says its cruel to give a kid a flip phone, and besides he can just use his friends phones at school.

My husband and i remember a time before the internet, and we remember having complete access to something no one understood yet. We saw unspeakable things and are always battling with the urge to put the phone and social media down. I dont want that for my son, especially with his brain so vulnerable still.

If your partners parent passes away

And you and that parent didn't get along are you still go to the funeral?

Not my situation!

Partner no longer wants baby #2

Before our son was born we originally both wanted minimum 2 kids but we were hoping for 3-4. My partner found the birth traumatic to watch and also struggled a lot with the newborn/baby stage. He no longer wants to have any more children and it’s completely breaking my heart. I need another baby. We’ve spoken about it a lot and the options. He said he wasn’t COMPLETELY closed off to it so I asked him to try and work through his feelings and reconsider his decision. He eventually said he definitely doesn’t want another. I know that I will always want one and my feelings will never change. Do we have to break up or does anyone know anything else I can do to help change his mind? Has anyone else’s partner said this and then changed their mind? I don’t want to break up because I adore him and our life together and I’d hate to split up our family for “selfish” reasons and make my son miss out on having both of us together but I just don’t know what to do

Nursery funding

My child turned 9 months last week. I applied for government funded hours nearly 2 months ago and so well within the required timeframe for the April term, however upon receiving my first invoice without the funding applied and having questioned this, I have now been informed that the stretched funding doesn’t start until 4th May.

Has anyone else been told it won’t start until May?

The government site states it should start from April 1st, and so I intentionally set my nursery start and return to work as the start of April for that reason, knowing that I wouldn’t be able to afford the nursery on my sole income without the funding

Jealous of my husband

I’m so jealous of him and it’s making me resentful. We have a ten week old and I’m jealous that he is at work all day. I’m jealous he can leave for lunch and actually eat an uninterrupted lunch. Take a phone call uninterrupted. Chat with a friend he runs in to uninterrupted. Even go to the bathroom when he wants uninterrupted. He comes home from work when he wants. He’s not on a set schedule. Some days are late some are early. It depends on when he’s done. I’m jealous he can come home at 10pm and shower, eat and go right to bed uninterrupted because I already have the baby asleep. He doesn’t have to worry about anything house wise or baby wise because I’ve done it all. Meanwhile I’m covered in puke and crap and smell like rotten milk. When he is home he is VERY active and helpful. So it’s not that. I’m just jealous his world hasn’t changed and mine has I guess. This isn’t something he’s doing wrong so I’m not sure how to get past this. I wish I could keep him home all day because that’s how helpful he is, but I understand he obv needs to work.