Dad vs mum ‘free time’

I think this is more down to the couple.

Although I tend to do most of my hobby’s when my daughter is at school (SAHM) in the holidays for example when she’s with me 24/7 I will go to the gym on the weekends, early evening or disappear upstairs to read for a bit and my husband wouldn’t find an issue.

No. If I tell him im doing my nails - look after the baby that’s what he does, he doesn’t distract me until I’m done, maybe a question here and there but that’s it. Other hobbies- are out of the house. If at 7pm I have a Pilates class on then at 6.30 I’m leaving to go, and come home at 8.30. Look for a class or group or something you wanna learn/do, OUT of the house. That way you can’t resort to any chores, and it’s set in and scheduled every single week and you look forward to it and you both know it’s on.

Well about 70% of his free time is for hobbies and 30% chores but with me it’s a good 40% 60%

I absolutely think this is more couple specific. My partner and I split all household responsibilities and parenting responsibilities pretty equally. There are definitely days where each of us pull a little more weight, but for the most part it's pretty 50/50. We each have our own hobbies, both in and out of the house that we participate in.

Do your hobbies? Play a video game, knit, paint, meet friends whatever it is just make some time to do it. I think moms often forget themselves and then it’s easy to feel resentment towards partner for making time for their hobbies

My husband does get to go out & see his friends more than I do, but that's mainly down to the fact that his friends invite him out more than mine do. He does do a majority of the cleaning in our house though so I can't complain too much.

No. We do the chores equally and I get to have more free time myself because my husband enjoys more to stay at home than I do.

In my house cleaning is kinda my hobby. I have an Instagram account for it. So I never quite know where I fall in with these things

Depends on the couple but has my partner works all the time it’s down to me to raise my daughter and deal with her he helps more when I’m really unwell but I appreciate it

This is true in my house, but it's by no fault of my husband's. He encourages me to get out of the house.

I just stopped feeling like I had to do household things and I told him what was happening. I am writing. See ya in an hour. Closes door. That’s what he does, so why can’t I? He figured it out. Is our house messy. Yes. We have a toddler, so I let it go. I’m a better mom when I have parts of my individual self back and that is more important to me than impressing people by my clean house. If we have things we can’t avoid, we do it together in 30 min sprint races. You fix it by changing your behavior— not theirs.

Get a housekeeper.

We just need to follow their example and just take time for ourselves without asking permission.

My husband doesn’t tell me I have to and he doesn’t point out things for me to do but I do use all of my free time to do all the chores and he doesn’t because it’s like he can’t see the mess?? If I don’t do it, then we simply wouldn’t have clean dishes to use or clean clothes to wear. But I also am very particular and want things done a certain way. I also struggle to relax until I feel like things are in order. So, it’s a weird balance. I need to find more things for myself to do and my husband could notice things more but for the most part, it’s usually okay that I do most of it.

lol I ask permission to shower. I should stop doing that.

We get treated how we let others to treat us

this behaviour you’re describing is described as control in psychology

Communication and planning things in advanced. Example, “I want to go do xyz next Wednesday at 6pm”.

exactly

Not here. I have me time every night when the kids sleep; Xbox, face mask, crafting, studying, reading.

We share chores unless he’s working away and then he arranges a cleaner to help me. We both have “free time” even if it’s just at home xx

Yes but also no in our case. My husband is like super husband: he cooks, cleans, works, and takes care of some household things like cleaning the bathroom and vacuuming and dishes. I take care of our 16 mo, organize, deep clean as needed, dust, and laundry, which means my "chores" are way less consistent than his, but I have childcare duties 90% of the time (including at night, cuz she won't let anyone else comfort her/put her to sleep). He still manages to find time for his hobbies, I rarely do. It's frustrating but I think in our case he just manages time better...and also a teething clingy 16 mo who changes food preferences 1300× a day is A LOT. At least I mostly got her sleeping under control finally (consistent schedule and mostly sleeping through the night). We didn't plan things to work this way. It's just how things worked out, and it's annoying to me cuz I miss my hobbies immensely, but he's doing what he can to lighten the load (im also 100% planning our entire wedding this October by myself)