People not wanting to give baby back when crying

Has anyone else had this issue? I’m response feeding my breastfed baby so whenever I pick up on his cues, I put him on the boob whether he’s hungry or just looking for a bit of comfort. I feel like my in laws don’t understand this and just want to keep my baby when he’s crying to try to settle him themselves. I would be quite anxious, so when people don’t give my baby to me (especially when he’s crying) it makes me very uneasy. I ask for him back but I’m not very confrontational so it does make me uncomfortable. However last time my FIL had him, he hit me with “give him a minute, he’s not even properly crying” and clearly didn’t want to give him back. Like yes he is. He may not be screaming but I would rather get to him before it gets to that stage. It really makes me anxious about bringing my baby to his grandparents house because I feel like they’ll be more forward in their own environment and will be even more hesitant to give him back or maybe take him out of the room. I can recognise that I may be over the top with my anxiety but it’s my feelings either way and he is my baby. My husband is super polite with his family (weird cause I would happily tell mine to do one if needed 🤣) so wouldn’t be firm with them. Has anyone else experiences anything similar?

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So I'm in kind of a similar situation but it's not for feeding. It's for napping. My girl is a velcro baby and will only contact nap through the day since she was 3 weeks old. Trust me.i tried everything to put her down for a nap but she never settled and she does instantly on my chest. My MIL makes a point of asking how the naps are going so she can have a go and tell me to put her down and let her cry and she'll learn. That gives me anxiety as she proper screams and then won't sleep. So yeah part of that's my concern that I don't get a break but it annoys me how she insists on saying she'll not learn when I continue to coddle her by choice (it's not a choice and she doesn't seem that)

honestly I can totally see how that’s frustrating. I feel like older people just love to do the “back in my day, we did this…”. Well, we’re not in your day anymore are we!?

Yes. My MIL literally took my little girl out of my arms when she was 6 weeks old without even asking.

My own mum comes over often and tries to comfort her if she’s crying or won’t give her back.

It all makes me so uncomfortable. I understand sometimes people are trying to help but it actually just makes the situation worse. Babies crying more because they want their mum!

thankfully my mum just knows to give my baby back to me, but I think if otherwise I would be happy to say to her unlike how I would be with my MIL. It’s so stressful. We are their safe space so it’s awful when they want us and people won’t just give them over.

How do you approach it with your MIL and mum? Do you say anything or just grit your teeth? I hate confrontation so much but honestly it’s going to have to come to me being rude which will put my husband in an awkward position.

I feel like this is a common issue sadly, I used to get really anxious too and sort of hover until they handed me the baby. Now I'm on baby number two, my technique is that I deliberately leave the room and leave them to deal with baby crying...they soon run to find me when hes wailing haha. I am not confrontational either so I feel your pain! Now I sort of know that bub will be fine crying for a few minutes and when he does properly cry people panic and hand him straight to me

I literally just grab my baby back now I don't care about hurting people's feelings 😂 if she's sad she wants me and that's that!

They might see it as trying to help by giving you some relief. This happened to me earlier today at a friend's place. My little one started crying while my friend was holding her, and I noticed she didn’t give her back to me but instead tried to console her herself. Not long after, she fell asleep. I was anxious for a moment, but then I figured that since my friend is a mum herself, she’d know when to hand her back to me. In fact, most people hand her back as soon as she starts crying 😅 Personally, I appreciate all the help and support I can get 😅

love your response 😆 sometimes I feel like saying.. not being rude but your advice is 30 years out of date!

my in laws are the same!

I feel there’s such a pressure to feed the baby every X amount of hours and do it this way, like a structured approach
And the evidence suggest Liz that meeting on demand and not letting them cry now is best.

With my in laws I’ve started going towards them to pick them baby up already while saying ‘let me just, or I’m going too feed etc’ and walking away!

in our community

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I have become bitter, resentful, and very overwhelmed and overloaded. I am very unhappy and hit burnout. And I snapped at my husband last night. I work full-time, and work has been very busy so im working late a lot. Im also in grad school. I also have a toddler that has become VERY clingy with me. My husband works shorter days but commutes, so he usually gets home after me by an hour or more. When he gets home, he usually heads to the restroom for at least 30 mins when he gets home. And now my toddler doesnt want anything to do with him. So im doing all the toddler duties until bed. I dont get 5 mins to myself. Not for almost 2 years. I finally hit my wall. I have also, somehow, become my MILs medical ride service and she somehow has an appt every week, it seems?! Shes not sick!! My husband was complaining that he needs to change routine to fit in a workout sometimes, and I lost it. I have been BEGGING for 5 mins to myself for months. I have been telling him how im not good, im going to burn out for months. And between his attitude and him complaining (which really got me b/c he blames me for not being able to work out?! Saying I need help when he gets home so he just cant workout now) I just lost it completely. I told him how unfair my life has become and I have the entire mental and emotional load and it is just not fair. He got mad at me and said "hes trying" when hes literally not trying at all. What do I do?? No one is taking the load from me! And im done and dont know what to do now.
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Is this clever or cruel?

My husband and i were talking and with social media and the internet in general being a terrifying dumpster fire, we are trying to figure out the best way to keep our son safe while still teaching him how to safely be online and moderation.

We landed on the idea of giving him the 90's kid treatment. A computer in the living room for us to keep an eye on what hes doing online, and once we feel hes mature enough to hang with friends without adult supervision he gets a flip phone. When we feel he is responsible enough and he earns and saves up the money for the physical phone, case, and screen cover, then we will be happy to take him to get a smart phone.

I thought this was air tight, but now my brother says its cruel to give a kid a flip phone, and besides he can just use his friends phones at school.

My husband and i remember a time before the internet, and we remember having complete access to something no one understood yet. We saw unspeakable things and are always battling with the urge to put the phone and social media down. I dont want that for my son, especially with his brain so vulnerable still.

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