Help before I lose my s***

So here I am, 38 weeks preggo sweating my arse off with massive kankles. It’s Saturday and I’ve been at work all day and my partner has been at work all day. It’s our week ‘on’ to have his two children aged 10 and 13. He picks them up, comes home and starts cooking tea for tonight and tomorrow. I know I should be thankful but it takes him THREE hours to cook chicken and pasta using a jar of sauce. I’ve got no idea what’s he’s been doing. The kids are in the kitchen with him so I’m guessing pissing around with them which is fine I’m upstairs giving my ankles a rest. The 10 year old usually has bedtime at 8:30 with his tablet or tv until 9 (usually very bad behaved) and his 13 year old stays up until 9:30 with phone/tablet until 10. (Very well behaved) Our house rules when kids are here is that one washes and other dries and our plates away. It’s the only ‘chore’ they have and everything else is given to them on a silver spoon (if it was my choice they’d have a list of jobs to do round the house) 8:15pm comes round and they’re all still sat in the kitchen round dirty plates and food over counters on the floor etc. we finished tea at 7:45 and I got up and went for a shower. I come back down and so I say…. Don’t forget it’s bed time in 12 minutes… and the 10 year old goes…. It’s fine dad said my new bedtime is 9pm now so I’ve got ages. I’m annoyed My partner has just decided to change the goal posts without consulting me. I just left the room to avoid confrontation and come upstairs to get out the way and he follows me up and says ‘they’re not your kids and it’s up to me what bedtime is and nothing to do with you’ you’re not their mum’. So now I’m sat upstairs, they’re all still downstairs pissing around and I’m twitching upstairs and fuming that my opinion has just been disregarded. Am I over reacting? Is it my hormones or am I right that I should be consulted. I know they’re not my kids but it’s half my home and we’ve been together 4.5 years with a newborn about to drop. I think to change it and then say that is massively undermining.

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Not overreacting at all!! You’re a parent to them too so it should be a joint decision. Also, you live there, so how he chooses to parent, what time he sends them to bed etc affects you too! You don’t necessarily have to agree with each other but he should respect your opinion on the matter. My husband used to put my SS to bed at 8pm (he was 5 at the time) and I told him that I thought 8pm was too late bc he was still quite young and also bc we weren’t getting very much chill time as a couple so we agreed 7:30pm would be better. I also do a lot of the parenting, I’d be very pissed off if my SO turned round and said what yours has said to you! I’m sorry you’ve had to go through this!! X

If he doesnt think you get a say then he doesn't get to expect you to help with parenting. He can't have all the pros but none of the cons so if he wants to make these choices in his own then he needs to do everything with them, chase up on chores, drive them round, shopping for their clothes etc. Also if something affects you in your own home then you should have a say regardless of if he wants your help parenting

To be honest I don’t play step Parent and I have taken a massive step back because we had issues at the beginning of our relationship where I turned into a taxi / maid full time and I’d had enough. He does all the driving for them now and sorts their clothes etc. I just do the majority of the cooking and cleaning. I do that more because if I didn’t, the basket would be over flowing or the house would be half clean. And when he does do a wash load he uses about 6 fairy pods because he likes the smell and I go crazy. I can’t fault him as a dad, he is a good egg but I’m just frustrated with what he’s said. And now he’s said it infront of the kids about their new bedtime which I strongly disagree with. So now it feels it has to stay as that ? X

As a step mum myself, absolutely not overreacting at all. I’m very lucky, my partner recognises the effort I put in when it comes to my step daughters (19 & 14 this year) and has always said how much he appreciates it. The kids have made comments before how I’ve been there more than their own mum. But this kind of comment is completely disrespectful and in my opinion, crossing the line big time. Nothing against your partner but he should really check himself. Not only is it Half your home but it was also your choice to take involvement in his kids and step up to the plate. It’s no small task and certainly isn’t the easiest. So, yes, I do think he should have spoken to you first as it’s also your evening as well at the end of the day.

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