Girls I seriously need some advice..

Hey so.. my step daughter is going through the awful 4s right now..
she’s hitting, biting, screaming, throwing thing, spitting and saying she hates us just being pure naughty. Now this is effecting my 1 year old and my 10 week old.. her screaming scared them both and they both end up in tears. I understand she’s only 4 but my partner lets her get away with everything… she bit my 1 year old son and when I took the iPad off her because she wouldn’t share and wouldn’t say sorry my partner gave it right back…
I understand kids will do silly things but she was asked to put her bowl on the side in the kitchen but had a massive tantrum about it and my she hated myself and my partner, she was spitting and smiling about it I told her it wasn’t funny and it was dirty also not to do it again, my partner told me not to be so hard on her… it’s really getting to me now as we have 2 boys together and I don’t want my kids treated for bad behaviour and to get away with things and to be given the iPad all the time. I say no screen time as it’s a beautiful day so we should play and yet I leave the room and he’s on the ipad… it’s ridiculous.. am I over reacting as apparently being on the iPad all the time is okay now?? I’m lost I really am

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Take the iPad off her and send her to her room! Believe me it will only get worse!

but he just gives it back.. he likes to keep reminding me that she’s his so is his rules..

As long as your husband undermines you you won't be able to change anything. He's showing her that she can treat you however she wants and doesn't need to listen to you

i believe you NEED to have a conversation w her dad ab her behavior & how he handles it. we all understand kids will be kids BUT if they are doing unacceptable/naughty behavior , they have to be shown that it’s not okay. she’s 4 now so she has slight understanding. bad behavior = consequences. if you’re trying to give her that model but her dad helps her every time , she’s going to learn that & expect him to get her out of everything. biting a one year old is unacceptable & at 4 y/o , she knows that. my 3 y/o bonus baby knows to be gentle w my 3 month old son who is his brother. if he doesn’t understand that or care , if her mom is still around , is a genuinely good parent & you have some sort of communication w her , i believe you may have to talk to her ab this nonsense so she can talk to him ab their child since he may or may not listen to you

Yeah I think the issue here is less about your stepdaughter's behaviour (because it sounds pretty developmentally normal) and more about your partner's actions. You guys need to be consistently working from the same page but it sounds like he's undermining and disrespecting you at every turn! I think maybe you guys should sit down and have a serious conversation about your individual parenting styles, and come up with an agreed way of parenting going forward. It sounds like there will need to be some compromise but that's okay, you guys are a team and consistency is so important.

My husband was very lenient with my step kids when they were naughty too, I calmly explained that if these behaviors are not corrected she will continue her life thinking it is okay to treat others this way. When he realized that our job as parents is to teach them how to be proper & decent humans, he understood why just giving in was way worse than putting your foot down

If that’s his attitude towards a 4 year old, imagine when she’s 16…he needs to show you more respect and parent his child

I just keep getting reminded that she’s not my daughter.. I told him that I will not allow our boys to grow up thinking that naughty behaviour is okay! My 19 month old is thinking what she’s doing is funny and yes I understand he’s only young and he will but I don’t think him thinking biting is okay…

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