Vent. My husband doesn’t give me what I need..

I just need a quick vent.
I just had my second baby and maybe this is just hormones .. idk
But I’m so freaking lonely and my husband isn’t listening to me.
He is great with the kids and I have no complaints there. He helps me and is a great dad but when it comes to us having time together whether it’s physically or just actually spending time together, he chooses his phone. He has a game he loves to play on his phone and he plays it for HOURS a day. He plays it when he should be working, he plays it while taking care of the kids, and he plays it non stop any free time we have when the kids are sleeping. We have had sex two times since I had our second baby and that felt like it was rushed and once he was taken care of he went right back to his game and didn’t even think about me. I had a whole conversation with him about how I was feeling and we have already fought many times over this game and how there are times I need him to be present… anyways , we had a long talk about it today and he said he understood and would work on it. Well, tonight after we had a super long day with friends who were in town and he kept being flirty and hinting that later when they left he would spend time with me. They left at 9:30pm and he went to get our oldest bathed… an hour goes by and he’s still in there bathing her. I finally put my baby down and go see what’s taking so long and he’s sitting there playing that stupid game while our daughter is entertaining herself in the bathtub … I didn’t say anything and walked away but then he comes out and is following me asking what is wrong over and over. I told him to leave me alone and I needed to take a second and he got super mad and it turned into a massive fight. I feel like this game is all that matters to him. He plays it constantly and I don’t get why he can’t just put it down for one night so we can get the kids down at a decent time and actually hang out together… he makes me feel like I’m annoying for even being upset over “a game”. Anyways… thanks for reading and letting me vent. I’m just so upset and tired of feeling like I’m pouring all of myself into my kids, husband and house but no one is pouring back into me.

Read more on Peanut

The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.

Learn more about our guidelines.

Add a comment

Is it weird that I’m curious what game this is?

But nevertheless, I completely agree that he should be spending more time with you. It may seem morbid, but maybe he should be reminded that life is short & one day he’ll be sad he missed out on so much time with you because he was too busy on his phone.

It’s not being upset over a game it’s you feeling like you’re not a priority or important, that he takes care of the kids and himself but not you. Totally valid when you’re excited to spend time with him but he ghosts you for a game. Have you tried initiating? If he rejects you then I would be like okay I feel not special or important or like your woman, I need some affection or follow through at least

haha same. I asked him when he first started playing it and I downloaded it to see what the big deal was…I didn’t like it. I think it’s Total War?

I tried to say that and he just acted like I was being dramatic. :/

I have tried initiating but he’s usually got his phone in his face and he will say something like “oh yeah?” Like he’s interested but then not put his phone down. Then I say something about being upset he isn’t interested and he goes “I said oh yeah and you just stopped” … like I didn’t sit there waiting for him to put the phone down for 5 minutes before I turned away.

Totally get you are upset. It's not about the game. It's about him being present but not being there. If you feel this way imagine how your kids feels. He ignores you and ignores his kids too to play a online game... That's very immature and I would set a strong boundary. It's running your family life.

It's bad habits that need breaking! I have noticed me and my partner use our phones a lot so now when we are together or with our son I leave my phone in a different room. Since doing this I realise just how much his picks it up, and he's just scrolling doing nothing. I said he should do the same as me and leave the phone IN A DIFFERENT ROOM. We watched a film the other night and both phones were in the kitchen, it was GREAT.

Phones are addictive, it's been proven. We aren't present when we are using them. Keep on at him to leave his phone alone. See if he will uninstall the app or leave his phone out of reach somewhere else.
Tell him again how it makes you feel. It's not fair.

Phones really are a blessing and a curse.

I'm really sorry you are going through this. At this point, I'd be forcing couples counselling.

It's not about the game, it's about you not feeling like a priority.

I hope things work out x

I almost left my husband 6 years ago over this. My bags were packed and I was 100% going back to my family. It wasn’t until he realized that I checkout that he turned his shit around. It took me years to forgive him but he’s the best now & doesn’t play about me. He spoils and loves to love on me but girl, he had me so twisted years ago. He broke me heart by not making time for me when I was so vulnerable and lonely. I’m praying for you because it’s so hard and sad.

in our community

I've finally done it

I have finally done it. I have finally become the trope, the stereotype.

I have become bitter, resentful, and very overwhelmed and overloaded. I am very unhappy and hit burnout. And I snapped at my husband last night. I work full-time, and work has been very busy so im working late a lot. Im also in grad school. I also have a toddler that has become VERY clingy with me. My husband works shorter days but commutes, so he usually gets home after me by an hour or more. When he gets home, he usually heads to the restroom for at least 30 mins when he gets home. And now my toddler doesnt want anything to do with him. So im doing all the toddler duties until bed. I dont get 5 mins to myself. Not for almost 2 years. I finally hit my wall. I have also, somehow, become my MILs medical ride service and she somehow has an appt every week, it seems?! Shes not sick!! My husband was complaining that he needs to change routine to fit in a workout sometimes, and I lost it. I have been BEGGING for 5 mins to myself for months. I have been telling him how im not good, im going to burn out for months. And between his attitude and him complaining (which really got me b/c he blames me for not being able to work out?! Saying I need help when he gets home so he just cant workout now) I just lost it completely. I told him how unfair my life has become and I have the entire mental and emotional load and it is just not fair. He got mad at me and said "hes trying" when hes literally not trying at all. What do I do?? No one is taking the load from me! And im done and dont know what to do now.
I do not like this version of me.

AITA?

This isn't a major issue, just wondering if I'm being a bit of an asshole.

• I do shift work, 5 out of 7 days, full-time.
• My partner works from home (mostly, sometimes he goes into the office) M-F, full-time.

Anyway, whenever I have a day off during the week he gets in his feelings when I make myself food (breakfast and lunch) but not him. His reason is he's working, I'm not - Which is fair but I've asked him how many times on a weekend has he gotten up, on his day off and made me breakfast and a lunch to take with me to work? You guessed it, 0.

So basically, just because I'm at home I don't think the responsibility to feed him should automatically fall on me when he manages to feed himself just fine while I'm at work.

If your partners parent passes away

And you and that parent didn't get along are you still go to the funeral?

Not my situation!

Is this clever or cruel?

My husband and i were talking and with social media and the internet in general being a terrifying dumpster fire, we are trying to figure out the best way to keep our son safe while still teaching him how to safely be online and moderation.

We landed on the idea of giving him the 90's kid treatment. A computer in the living room for us to keep an eye on what hes doing online, and once we feel hes mature enough to hang with friends without adult supervision he gets a flip phone. When we feel he is responsible enough and he earns and saves up the money for the physical phone, case, and screen cover, then we will be happy to take him to get a smart phone.

I thought this was air tight, but now my brother says its cruel to give a kid a flip phone, and besides he can just use his friends phones at school.

My husband and i remember a time before the internet, and we remember having complete access to something no one understood yet. We saw unspeakable things and are always battling with the urge to put the phone and social media down. I dont want that for my son, especially with his brain so vulnerable still.

Big vent!

Hi mums.
I'm a first time mum in my 40s to twin boys.They are almost 5 months old and the biggest miracle in my life!
I am struggling!!!
I'm pretty sure I have ppa as my pregnancy was a very high risk and all I remember was crying from anxiety of all the ifs!Thankfully even born at 35 weeks and skinny,didn't need iu time.
My husband is not helping much because he's always too busy with work.He will "look" after them usually between 8pm-12am so I can have a chance to sleep.
He expects me to just sleep when I touch the pillow,even though I hear tje babies crying and him don't really bother because most of the times he'll be on his laptop working.
When I tell him I can't relax to fall asleep because I feel you r neglecting the babies,he says I'm the problem becauae I'm always there with them and don't give them alone time!!
I am angry!!I am furious!!
I can't keep.up.with housework becauae someone alwaya neess me and most of the times they nap I either cook and clean tje kitchen,do laundry or try and take a quick nap.
He doesn't help.around the house,becauae..guess what?always super busy.
I asked him nicely we could clean the house together every Saturday morning so it's easier and quicker for both of us and he said no,because he has a lot of work but probably wants to sleep until 12 or 2.
2 days ago a button of his coat ripped and I told him I'll sew it these days.
Earlier this morning while running late for his work,as always,he weara the coat and told him didn't get the chance to fix the button and sarcastically said..of.course u didn't!!!
I spent all night awake because one of the babies had congested nose and we've been trying to reduce one fees at night.
I wanted to punch him!!He left and I started crying...I cry so much,even at 5 months pp...
I can't go on like this anymoreeeee...
The crying in my ears is constant..my head is always numb..I've gained so much weight and can't find the strength to get back on track..
Even if I try to.find a therapist to just talk,is it gonna help?I really don't know😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Partner no longer wants baby #2

Before our son was born we originally both wanted minimum 2 kids but we were hoping for 3-4. My partner found the birth traumatic to watch and also struggled a lot with the newborn/baby stage. He no longer wants to have any more children and it’s completely breaking my heart. I need another baby. We’ve spoken about it a lot and the options. He said he wasn’t COMPLETELY closed off to it so I asked him to try and work through his feelings and reconsider his decision. He eventually said he definitely doesn’t want another. I know that I will always want one and my feelings will never change. Do we have to break up or does anyone know anything else I can do to help change his mind? Has anyone else’s partner said this and then changed their mind? I don’t want to break up because I adore him and our life together and I’d hate to split up our family for “selfish” reasons and make my son miss out on having both of us together but I just don’t know what to do