My boyfriend makes me feel guilty about him wanting to go out with friends

I’m having conflicting emotions about my boyfriend. For context, he’s younger than me. He’s 23, and I’m 26. We now have a 5 week old daughter. He’s a very supportive dad, super in touch with his emotions and sweet to her. My biggest issue is that even while I was pregnant, he still enjoyed going out when I couldn’t. These were hangouts to exclusively drink with his guy friends (and also a girl who had a crush on him at the time, but that’s another story) but there were times he’d be unresponsive over text, out hours past when he said he’d be home, etc. There was no breech of trust in the way of cheating or doing what he shouldn’t, but I know at times he admitted he was venting about his stress within our relationship to them, and the girl who had a crush on him too. But hey, that’s been resolved now, so what can you do.

Well toward the end of my pregnancy, he didn’t leave my side. But at around three weeks postpartum he started bringing up that he’d like to see his friends again. Could he have certain days designated or chunks of time allotted. And that started to honestly trigger me with all of these feelings of loneliness while I was pregnant. No one invited me anywhere because I couldn’t drink. Often times I’d have to take melatonin and cry myself to sleep. Pregnancy is rough!

But beyond that, postpartum is hard too. I want to keep a balance where, yes he CAN see friends. But he brings up how he wants time away and the ability to freely have a hangout without us often. Now I’m at the point where I breakdown every time it’s brought up. I don’t want to isolate him! I know he knows he has to be there for us. I know he also wants time for the two of us to be alone right now too, but I’m not even ready for that yet. He’s asked his family members to babysit for us and I’ve had to say it could only be for a couple of hours. The first few months with your baby are so sacred. And I don’t think he gets that at all. It’s so conflicting to love someone so much who just doesn’t have the same types of values as you. I sacrifice a lot for the family. I get in time with friends too, but it’s not always about getting fucked up. We’re parents now.

Any advice??

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How often is he wanting to go out with them?

He says he is totally fine with two Saturdays a month, which is reasonable to me

I see friends, he sees friends. I have my own hobbies (if you start to look for one you’ll have one too) and he has his own hobbies. We have set day hobbies and then we have the spontaneous things we like to do either w each other or w friends depending what it is. I still went out w my gfs when pregnant although I drank mocktails and juice and water the whole night but even though they’re the type to drink they don’t get smashed anymore either, it’s just social drinking we mainly like to go karaoke or Afrobeats/Latin clubs and dance a lil or just dinner and drinks where one of us buys an entree each and we share. I think it’s okay for him to go out twice a month but then again you should too. He just sounds extroverted like me.

Hes a family man now he has to learn to do family shit. That means make friends with wives and babies. That's what women have to do. He can go out with friends but bring baby. Friends will drop like flies yes. But thats part of becoming a parent. The real ones stick around and eventually become parents too. Friendship is about keeping like minded people around. Not keeping you stuck in old ways.

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