Is this awful?!

This is my partner’s Birthday. I rarely speak to the in-laws because they’re pretty awful. Every year my partner wants his parents at his birthday. Every year there’s drama, lack of commitment, some issue from them. They live 20 mins away. Their daughter and grandchildren are also coming. Why won’t they just say yes, I’d love to attend my son’s birthday? Is it because the attention won’t be on her? What other plans are more important? They know I need to book a table in advance as this place is super popular - I likely won’t be able to add them to the booking closer to the time. Also they haven’t seen our son, their grandson, since August 20th. They likely won’t see him until Christmas. When my partner will go to great lengths to accommodate even & make plans that will potentially get cancelled last minute or overshadowed by family drama. Why not say ‘I’m so sorry but I don’t think we can do that weekend, but we’d love to see you all & celebrate - how about an alternate date?’ Nope. Is it normal for parents not to care about their adult children’s birthday? My family are super close & would be there for each other no matter what. I just find it so frustrating.

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"Unfortunately I need to book the reservation by X day to lock in the date. I understand if you can't commit right now and in that case when it gets closer to his birthday I'd love for you to reach out and we can plan a separate dinner!"

Because wtf? You're planning hella inadvance... they've got nothing going on... so they can put this on their calendar and then plan around that. Its a 10a breakfast ... be so forreal. I'm sad for your partner.

Yes, absolutely awful!!

Idk if it’s normal, but my parents are like this to me. 🫣

My mum once didn’t visit me because the dog was being groomed that day 🙃 but that was pre-baby and just the type of person she is. That being said, it’s so sad that your partner tries and wants to see them and is met with this apathy

Your partner is the black sheep/scapegoat of his family, his sister is the golden child. It’s not normal behaviour from his parents, it’s toxic and shitty and really sad that your partner is still trying to keep a relationship with them.

Your partner should get some counselling/therapy to explore properly the issues with his parents because I guarantee you there is a lot of history and things he has never told you about them. He needs to come to terms with his parents toxicity and be able to decide on his own whether to break the cycle and cut them off so they can’t harm his children too, or to keep them at arm’s length and only see them on his terms.

You sent the invite, they declined. Do not pander to them. Don’t send another single message. Your partner needs to see the sad reality of how much they don’t give a shit and hopefully it will propel him into seeking therapy sooner rather than later.

“Don’t know what we’re doing at the mo” so they’re free then…. 🫠

That is so sad.
Your partner has probably had a life time of this and wondering why they don't seem to care enough about him.
I went to therapy to get past this and it took that to realise that it wasn't my fault or anything to do with me.
It's just his parents way. They sounds really self involved. I hope your partner can see that it is nothing to do with him. Hopefully then he can be happy knowing they are just not going to be there for him. He sounds lucky to have such a caring partner in you though

Literally the point of texting them was to find out PRIOR to the time lol. Well in advance of the time. And they wanna tell you closer to the time. Yea lol they’re annoying alright.

I think your partner should understand by now and take the headache rather than you. It’s annoying isn’t it ! Birthdays are always on same date , of course day can be varied. If people wanted they would change their priorities. I swear it’s better not to involve them from this onwards as their pattern has been consistent by the sound of it.

Some people are just arseholes unfortunately!! My MIL makes no effort with my husband or sons, so I don’t include her in anything any more. We just celebrate with my family instead 🤷🏽‍♀️ it’s weird the things they get bothered by tho, like she isn’t bothered missing her son or grandchildren’s birthdays but she gets arsy every year when we go to get our Christmas tree with my mum and don’t invite her 🫠

Ergh people who can't commit annoy me. Did you reply telling her you need to know? If so, what was the outcome? X

sorry, id never speak to them again, wow... family or not, if your kids don't come first in your life then who are you anyway? their childs birthday and they don't know what they doing yet? come onnnnnnn surprised your hubby still speaks to them... cut them out guys and save your nerves for something that matters. parents should want to be in your lives never mind birthdays etc... just awful sorry but i never experienced this before and to me thats totally unacceptable, enjoy birthday with those who love you and wanna be there , makes party so much more fun and nicer environment than awkwardness in a corner eww xxxxx

My in-laws exactly the same. They make a bit of a fuss over BIL birthday like taking him for a meal and nice card and my poor husband gets a card from the back of a drawer and nothing. They also come up for days out with BIL but we aren’t invited even though we live two floors below him and arrange secret family get together we aren’t invited to. I feel this is more my husband’s step mum’s doing though as she likes to cause issues between family members. They make zero effort and haven’t even asked or commented on the baby- it is like I’m not even pregnant. We have moved at 31 weeks pregnant and not even an offer of help- in fact the words were “we can’t we at a beer festival and you wouldn’t want us helping you anyway” so in other words… we are not offering. We have made a pact now that it is our little bubble that matters and if they want to be involved then my can be but make as little effort with them as they do with us. Not sure why family needs to be like this.

Book the table for all of you including the in-laws then the morning of his birthday text them the time and the place then that’s your bit done it’s there chose then if they want to be arses or not and they can’t say you didn’t try you’ll have the proof on your phone

He needs to make that choice of letting them go! My MIL missed my son's 1st birthday out of arguement between her and her son and my son is always in the cross fire. I'm done now I don't have a relationship. She's seen him 4 times in his entire life. Just a joke don't bother x

I have in laws like this. Cut them out they’re not worth it. If they don’t know what they’re doing yet it’s because they’re just waiting for something ‘better’ to come along

My parents do nothing for my birthday, not even a card or happy birthday text. Nothing. My husband parents sometimes gives him a card or text message. That's it. If people are non committal, I just set a boundary and say, I need to know/book by this date, please let me know by this date. If they don't reply then just exclude them. You have done your bit, you have invited them and give them a long while to consider and respond. If they still can't make it a priority then that's their problem. My husband gets upset too with his parents but I've completely given up with mine!

in our community

I've finally done it

I have finally done it. I have finally become the trope, the stereotype.

I have become bitter, resentful, and very overwhelmed and overloaded. I am very unhappy and hit burnout. And I snapped at my husband last night. I work full-time, and work has been very busy so im working late a lot. Im also in grad school. I also have a toddler that has become VERY clingy with me. My husband works shorter days but commutes, so he usually gets home after me by an hour or more. When he gets home, he usually heads to the restroom for at least 30 mins when he gets home. And now my toddler doesnt want anything to do with him. So im doing all the toddler duties until bed. I dont get 5 mins to myself. Not for almost 2 years. I finally hit my wall. I have also, somehow, become my MILs medical ride service and she somehow has an appt every week, it seems?! Shes not sick!! My husband was complaining that he needs to change routine to fit in a workout sometimes, and I lost it. I have been BEGGING for 5 mins to myself for months. I have been telling him how im not good, im going to burn out for months. And between his attitude and him complaining (which really got me b/c he blames me for not being able to work out?! Saying I need help when he gets home so he just cant workout now) I just lost it completely. I told him how unfair my life has become and I have the entire mental and emotional load and it is just not fair. He got mad at me and said "hes trying" when hes literally not trying at all. What do I do?? No one is taking the load from me! And im done and dont know what to do now.
I do not like this version of me.

AITA?

This isn't a major issue, just wondering if I'm being a bit of an asshole.

• I do shift work, 5 out of 7 days, full-time.
• My partner works from home (mostly, sometimes he goes into the office) M-F, full-time.

Anyway, whenever I have a day off during the week he gets in his feelings when I make myself food (breakfast and lunch) but not him. His reason is he's working, I'm not - Which is fair but I've asked him how many times on a weekend has he gotten up, on his day off and made me breakfast and a lunch to take with me to work? You guessed it, 0.

So basically, just because I'm at home I don't think the responsibility to feed him should automatically fall on me when he manages to feed himself just fine while I'm at work.

If your partners parent passes away

And you and that parent didn't get along are you still go to the funeral?

Not my situation!

Big vent!

Hi mums.
I'm a first time mum in my 40s to twin boys.They are almost 5 months old and the biggest miracle in my life!
I am struggling!!!
I'm pretty sure I have ppa as my pregnancy was a very high risk and all I remember was crying from anxiety of all the ifs!Thankfully even born at 35 weeks and skinny,didn't need iu time.
My husband is not helping much because he's always too busy with work.He will "look" after them usually between 8pm-12am so I can have a chance to sleep.
He expects me to just sleep when I touch the pillow,even though I hear tje babies crying and him don't really bother because most of the times he'll be on his laptop working.
When I tell him I can't relax to fall asleep because I feel you r neglecting the babies,he says I'm the problem becauae I'm always there with them and don't give them alone time!!
I am angry!!I am furious!!
I can't keep.up.with housework becauae someone alwaya neess me and most of the times they nap I either cook and clean tje kitchen,do laundry or try and take a quick nap.
He doesn't help.around the house,becauae..guess what?always super busy.
I asked him nicely we could clean the house together every Saturday morning so it's easier and quicker for both of us and he said no,because he has a lot of work but probably wants to sleep until 12 or 2.
2 days ago a button of his coat ripped and I told him I'll sew it these days.
Earlier this morning while running late for his work,as always,he weara the coat and told him didn't get the chance to fix the button and sarcastically said..of.course u didn't!!!
I spent all night awake because one of the babies had congested nose and we've been trying to reduce one fees at night.
I wanted to punch him!!He left and I started crying...I cry so much,even at 5 months pp...
I can't go on like this anymoreeeee...
The crying in my ears is constant..my head is always numb..I've gained so much weight and can't find the strength to get back on track..
Even if I try to.find a therapist to just talk,is it gonna help?I really don't know😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Is this clever or cruel?

My husband and i were talking and with social media and the internet in general being a terrifying dumpster fire, we are trying to figure out the best way to keep our son safe while still teaching him how to safely be online and moderation.

We landed on the idea of giving him the 90's kid treatment. A computer in the living room for us to keep an eye on what hes doing online, and once we feel hes mature enough to hang with friends without adult supervision he gets a flip phone. When we feel he is responsible enough and he earns and saves up the money for the physical phone, case, and screen cover, then we will be happy to take him to get a smart phone.

I thought this was air tight, but now my brother says its cruel to give a kid a flip phone, and besides he can just use his friends phones at school.

My husband and i remember a time before the internet, and we remember having complete access to something no one understood yet. We saw unspeakable things and are always battling with the urge to put the phone and social media down. I dont want that for my son, especially with his brain so vulnerable still.

Avoidant husband

I love my husband and he is a good man. We have some issues in our relationship however, as he has an avoidant attachment style (finds romance/intimacy/being emotional difficult). This comes from him having to be independent from a young age and having quite an abusive mother.
The issues in our relationship are mainly around a lack of sex and intimacy. I think the problem is that to feel turned on, I need to feel connected and wanted. My husband (being avoidant) will usually make jokes about being horny whereas I would want to have someone make me feel beautiful/sexy to get in the mood.
It sounds terrible but I've sometimes had dreams about exes that would make me feel this way, and the romance we had (eye contact, intensity, deep words). It makes me feel really guilty but I feel like i'm starved of that. My husband would like a lot more sex but I can't always force myself if I'm not feeling it.
We've spoken a bit about therapy but I know its often really expensive so we probably wouldn't be able to afford it. Do you have any suggestions please? I know that neither of us are wrong in what we want, just different but I'm scared about whether we can fix it or if we're doomed?