Accidental pregnancy and husband is angry

Found out I’m pregnant with baby no.2 a few days ago and I’ve just told my husband tonight (would be his third as he has a child from before me) I was dreading telling him because I know how much he doesn’t want any more children. It was an accidental pregnancy after failed contraception. He’s told me I absolutely have to get an abortion, that there’s no way he can have another child, that we can’t afford it, don’t have a big enough house, that I won’t be able to mentally cope, that our daughter is nearly 2 and we were just starting to get a bit of “us” back and doesn’t want to ruin that. What’s upset me the most is he hasn’t once asked me if I’m okay, how I feel about things, what I want to do. He said if I don’t have an abortion he will leave me. I said I’m the one that has to go through the abortion and that it’ll be so awful for me and why is he not taking my feelings into consideration and he just said that it’s always my way or the highway and that this is my fault. I just feel so hurt and unsupported and now I really don’t know what to do. It’s a shock and I’m scared of a smaller age gap but I think we would manage. Equally though I don’t want my husband to resent me and to ruin our family by going through with the pregnancy and him leaving/being utterly miserable. 😞 What do I do?

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Well ultimately it is your decision and he is allowed to want "us" back and want that abortion thats all fair , what isn't okay is TELLING you and threatening you, all I can say is even if you keep it and he leaves hes still a dad to another baby ao what's he gonna do just pretend one doesn't exist it doesn't work like that.
Would you want your daughter dating a man like this?

Firstly congratulations, secondly it is totally unfair to demand a abortion. A little life is growing inside you and it is heart wrenching to think it can be ended. A child is a blessing and there is never a good time financially or physically as in having a big house. Life does not always go as planned it is ok not to have a big house what is more important is to feel supported and loved. The children close in age is beautiful as have 2 of mine with 13 months difference. It all depends on how you feel you shouldn't be pressured or forced to feel you need an abortion to save your relationship. In the end guilt or regret can also lead to the end of a relationship after. Therefore you should do what's best for you as an innocent baby's life is at stake.

Sorry you had to experience this, awful! It works both ways, you might resent him if you are bullied into his decision & your marriage might fall apart anyway…
Would you like your child to have a sibling to go through life with? For me that’s what played the biggest part in wanting another. My partner wanted just the one as it was perfect balance & he worried about expense etc but came round to the idea when I put it that way - if anything happened to us they have one another, someone else to go through life with.
It’s tough, especially when one person is so insistent on their opinion, hope you can both agree talk about it again and he’ll listen & consider your views - good luck

If you want to have the baby, I would keep the baby and let him leave. Anyone who blackmails anyone into having an abortion is not a nice person. Sorry if that sounds harsh

If you have an abortion that you don't want just for him to stay you WILL resent him for it. You need to do what is right for you in terms of the pregnancy, he needs to deal with that one way or the other. He'll either change his tune, accept it, even become excited or he'll leave and you'll be a single mama. Prepare yourself for every possibility as best you can. Reach out to those you are closest to and lean on them for support. Best of luck in whatever you decide x

Sending hugs. That sounds like such an awful situation. No contraception is 100% effective and if he really didn’t want other children he should have had a vasectomy. Definitely agree with others don’t have an abortion if you don’t want to. I am pro choice and have supported friends through abortions but know that they sit with you even if it is the right decision. You definitely shouldn’t be coerced into it x

Congratulations and firstly sorry you’re going through this! I might be wrong but from how you’ve written this it sounds like you want to keep the baby but you’re scared he’ll leave. I hate to be blunt but do you want to be with someone who treats you like that regardless? Accidental or not you deserve to feel supported and loved regardless of your decision. If he’s going to threaten to leave and force you to have an abortion you’ll resent him and if he’s going to do it with this, personally I’d be forever worried about what he’ll do it with next. I hope you’re okay x

Unfortunately you have just found out why your husband was single before he met you. He is completely unreasonable. Remember you don't need him, and you can do this alone. He might change his mind, but he can't take those words back. If he doesn't leave you today, will he tomorrow, or in a few weeks or months, or a year when things get tough? I wouldn't trust or rely on him going forward. Congratulations

why did I continue to sleep with him…? because he’s my husband and I’m on the contraceptive pill? 🥴 I didn’t anticipate being in this situation hence it being an accidental pregnancy but thanks for your input and attempt to make me feel worse than I already do

Either way someone is going to resent someone as if you get pressured into it you will resent him and have the guilt but also will be the one physically and mentally going through it and have to live with it which is why its important to be your decision. If you keep the baby he may resent you or he may get used to the idea and feel guilty for pressuring you but if he was sure he didnt want another child a vasectomy was an option. Don't let him make you feel this is all on you or a "problem " you have to take care of. Equally you could do it and 6 months later end up split up anyway just as much as you could keep it and end up single, its hard because you cant possibly know so do what feels right for you in that moment

What would you regret more? Having an abortion so you could live with the knowledge that you did what you could to keep your husband, who may or may not leave you anyway given he has threatened to divorce you over this, or to continue with the pregnancy but lose your husband and being a single parent?

It takes two people to create a baby it takes two people to use protection to prevent a pregnancy i understand your husband is pissed but no offence i know they say a baby heart doesn't beat until your 5 to 6 weeks pregnant but even before that to me its still a baby and a baby doesn't get asked to be put in this situation, if i was in this situation I would tell my other half if you dont want then fine but do what you want as im going through with it, because sounds of it he probably leave anyways just using the pregnancy as a reason

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I am the primary caretaker for my daughter, my partner and I live together & are engaged but I knew it would be this way as he works long hours. I’m struggling with not feeling resentment towards him when I’m responsible for 90% of stuff.

I adjusted my hours so one of us could be home with her some of the time (previously we both worked full time, I’m now part time), I do 5/7 bedtime routines a week, I feed her every meal & I plan her meals. Even though he knows what she eats, he always insists on asking me what to buy, he says it’s because I’m home so it’s what I’m happy to make but he knows it annoys me, he knows how long stuff takes to make, I just ask for quicker meals on the days I wfh.

He also shows no interest in her birthday, her first easter. etc. He says I’m the better planner but I told him it doesn’t come naturally to me & I wish he would show some interest in her first holidays.

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For context: He works 9am - 11pm roughly Wed-Sun. My Mum has her on a Monday & I am off Tuesday afternoon so he only has her alone Tuesday morning.

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I feel as though it would barely be different if I was a single mother but I don’t know what I expect him to do given his working hours, it’s just hard to not get annoyed.